DWEN : The Cool Things I Love

FIMO Lollipops & Candy Canes Christmas Tree

2011-12-02T15:31:00.001+08:00

This project was requested by MPH Bookstores at the Curve Shopping Mall to decorate their window for this Christmas Season. Their theme was Sweet Tokens of Love, and Lollipops and Candy Canes are the main idea for the decoration. So Staedtler asked me to make Lollipops and candy canes as many as possible to decorate the Christmas tree and the whole window is dedicated to showcase Staedtler's range of products.

FIMO Lollipops and Candy Canes in large tin bucket.

Large & Small of Lollipops in tin bucket.

Three sizes of FIMO rainbow lollipos.

Green & Pink FIMO Lollipops.

Multi color FIMO Lollipops and Candy Canes

Putting together a 7' tall Lollipop Christmas Tree.

Sweet Tokens of Love.

The large STAR on top of the tree is also made from FIMO.

SWEET TOKENS OF LOVE at MPH BOOKSTORES The Curve decorated with a FIMO Lollipops Christmas Tree and all of Staedler's finest products.

FIMO Figurines of Roald Dahl Books.

2011-09-12T17:38:00.001+08:00

I was requested by Staedtler Malaysia to create FIMO figurines for Borders Bookstores of Roald Dahl books in conjunction with Roald Dahl's anniversary.

My New FIMO Bangles & Pendants

2011-07-25T14:31:00.003+08:00

Just recently I came about to learn how to make these bangles. I have never made any bangles before this but I have made FIMO bracelets many times before. Bangles are kind of fun to make and looks so pretty.

The bangles collection I have below are my first attempt. They are not perfect yet but I think with more practice I can make it better in the future. I put hard wire inside these bangles when I made them so that they are stronger and won't break.

My Latest Pendants; Sanded, Polished and Varnished. The two round flower pendants are mounted on metal plate.

My Fimo Fascination

2011-07-22T17:42:00.000+08:00

As I was making a living out of FIMO in Honolulu, after about 8 years of selling nothing but FIMO jewelleries, I had to make my way back to my home country Malaysia and focus on the market in Malaysia specifically in the Kuala Lumpur.

I was doing very well in Kuala Lumpur for several years but when it was slowed down I managed to continue my studies and add a Diploma in Fashion Designs to my resume. Then I started to design dancing costumes, bags, casual island wears and a whole lot of other stuff for my Japanese customers. And for the past 5 years, my FIMO Jewelleries were not my main bread and butter anymore however my love and passion for FIMO Jewelleries never died out.

Recently Staedtler Malaysia appointed me to be their consultant on FIMO products as they have no expertise about FIMO polymer clay in Malaysia. I was so delighted and more than happy to be involved with such projects and I get to relight my dim light of love for FIMO again. And I met Mrs. Garlinde Karg, Marketing Manager/Professional Artists responsible FIMO development in Staedtler Germany.

This time I am more confident and learning more about polymer clay from books and internet. I bought so many books on Polymer clay to add skills to my basic knowledge. And as I was reading from page to page of all the books that I have, the two books that I enjoyed the most are Masters: Polymer Clay and 400 Polymer Clay Designs. In these two books, a few names of famous polymer artists always caught my eyes and they are Kathleen Dustin, Jeffrey Lloyd Dever, Elise Winters, Dan Cormier and Melanie West are my favourite among so many of them.

If I get to choose who I wanted to meet first among these polymer artists, it would be Kathleen Dustin. Her work is just so magnificent and beyond my imagination. I absolutely love all her unique purses, peeking face pebble beads and the best of all is her women of Harem Neckpiece.I want to be like her someday but if I get to ask God, I want to be as good as her today. She is definitely my benchmark now, just like Madden back when I first started making FIMO earrings in 1998.

I got so many questions to ask Dustin and I wish I could attend her workshop so that I could acquire first hand skills and techniques from her. It would make my day definitely, much better than buying a Rolex for me. Unfortunately she lives in Contoocook, New Hampshire, USA. And I need a world map to see where that is and I am living thousands of miles away from her polymer world. Ohhh! Darn it!

Since I cannot get close to the people I admire, colourful pictures are good enough to get me started and for inspirations. I love to make sketches of all the ideas I have in my mind. I travel around town quite a lot and the malls are my playground as shopping is my unspeakable addiction that I can’t afford. But I shop anyway! So I see a lot of things, colourful flowers, beautiful bags, trendy fashions and people.

All of these made me grow as a designer and open my mind to endless of things that I could never imagine. And they all end up in my sketch book turned inside out, dissected and transformed into new things.

I hope 2011 will be the beginning of all my dreams. And I hope people will love all my new creations and would be the things people dream about.

XOXO
Dwen Ujang

MY FIMO EVOLUTION: How I Got Started With FIMO

2011-07-21T18:19:00.001+08:00

I was first introduced to FIMO in 1998 in Honolulu by a friend and his wife. He saw some craft things that I did at my apartment and asked me to go to his house for the weekend so that they can show me some new art crafty stuff that I can work with. Sure enough I was so excited to see some of the floral earrings that they had made out of Sculpey III and FIMO.

I immediately made some flower earrings out of the clay and they were so impressed by it. And that was the starting point of my relationship with Polymer Clay. After almost a year of making Hawaiian Floral Jewelleries with them, I finally parted my own way and made my own jewelleries. And during this trial period of finding what was best for my products, I realized FIMO was the perfect material for me to work with.

It took quite sometimes for me to become familiar with FIMO as I did not read any books about how to work with Polymer Clay. I sort of created my own simple techniques to make my jewelleries. Then I found out that Ben Franklin Craft Store was having workshop on FIMO by a Hawaiian lady named Ms.Luana. I enjoyed taking Ms.Luana’s FIMO classes and made acquaintances with many Hawaiian ladies too but after a while I realized that she kept teaching of how to make Hawaiian flowers only and nothing more.

I quit FIMO workshop at Ben Franklin and venture on my own with a business partner name JP. We were quite successful because we were selling FIMO Hawaiian Jewelleries in bulk and wholesale them to retailers. We sold our FIMO jewelleries as if they came out of an assembly line and moulded by a machine. But in reality it was all hard work of making each piece carefully and hand made with a lot of love. Many of the small time crafters were envious of us. And to top all of that I was selected to join the Hawaii Crafters Guild and I was the only FIMO artists during my time there.

However, before me there were this lady named Peggy Madden who made beautiful Hawaiian Floral Jewelleries from FIMO but she had moved to the US Mainland. But she still put some of her beautiful creations at the local Mike Chang’s Art Gallery. Madden’s FIMO Jewelleries were really expensive and not everyone could afford it. At the same time I understood why she charged so much for her FIMO Jewelleries as I could see how beautiful they were and I could never made my flowers as good as hers. I constantly checked her jewelleries out as they were so beautiful and how I wanted to make my FIMO creations as beautiful as hers.

Then I have realized despite what I thought of how beautiful Madden’s work were, I managed to sell more FIMO earrings and leis than Madden ever did and paid my rent, bought a Chevy MPV and I too got my own fans. I suppose to my loyal customers, my FIMO were the most beautiful ones among other FIMO crafters there were in Honolulu. I realized that I should start to believe in my own talent and expand my skills so that I could create more FIMO Jewelleries.

A lot of great things happened to me in the year 2000. And one of them was when the newly crowned Miss Hawaii America, Miss Angela Baraquio stopped by our booth at the Made in Hawaii Trade Shows. She was in awed of my colourful creations and wanted to use my FIMO jewelleries during the Miss America pageant in Atlantic City. By the end of the whole deal after went through her rehearsals and numerous custom fittings, she finally wore all my custom designs Hawaiian FIMO jewelleries during the Miss America Pageant 2000 and the best of all, she won that pageant that night and I was instantly became famous in Hawaii.

Thank you so much to Angela who believed in me and showed my FIMO creations to 70 million viewers that night. And she was the first Asian American to ever won Miss America pageant.

I wish I could have done more for myself with Angela’s publicity but it was just ok for me but boosted our sales for a while though. It was definitely the unexpected start for me and I knew then that making FIMO Jewelleries was not just a craft for ladies to make in their kitchen during spare times. It is full of potentials to be a career for a serious artist like me.

Dwen Ujang

Dwen's FIMO Jewelry Creations

2011-07-18T17:19:00.002+08:00

This is my recent FIMO Jewelry creations. Enjoy.......

FIMO Air Light : Flower Project (Pt.1)

2011-05-31T14:24:00.006+08:00

I was first introduced to FIMO Air Light Modeling Clay recently by Staedtler Malaysia. I didn't know that FIMO brand also produce air-dry clay as well besides their world-famous FIMO Soft and FIMO Classic Polymer Clay.

I have worked with a Japanese brand Hearty Modelling clay and also Crayola air-dry clay for more than 10 years now. They both are different and takes practice to work with. Between Hearty and Crayola, Hearty will give a professional finish and it can be a product that you can sell. Crayola is more for kids to play with and you can't really turn it into dainty little flowers or decorations. Crayola is more to making small cartoony figurines but it will become slightly flexible after it dries out. Hearty and FIMO Air Light however will become harden and light.

So, when I first work with FIMO Air Light, I think this air-dry clay is really good and with practice of how to handle the clay, one can make so many beautiful things. Things that you can use as a decorations, things that you can sell at an Arts & Craft fair as the results are professional and beautiful.

Below are some of the things that I have done so far with FIMO Air Light Modeling Clay.

I will add more projects that I have done with FIMO in the future.

By,
Dwen Ujang

Is This Suppose To Make Me Feel Better?

2011-05-19T10:34:00.002+08:00

Ever since I have moved to my rental two-story Terrace House 10 months ago, I have been happier than ever. It’s a nice comfortable house with front and back yard for my gardens and ample space inside the house; a master bedroom, a guess room, a gym room, huge living hall, 3 restrooms and a comfortable special room for my 8 cats too and a perfect venue for our casual weekly gathering for all my best friends.

I managed to make my own space uniquely Dwen’s as my friend would say it; warm, cozy, spacious, complete with modern equipment and appliances, filled with nice and practical furniture, a place for entertainment, a venue for a BBQ Party and a well attended gardens blooming with colourful Orchids, Anthuriums, Bougainvilleas and gardenias among the collections.

And the best part of all that I am sure of is that I welcome all my best friends to visit me at any time and I am always eternally hospitalize with their visitations or always prepared to organize any gathering or parties. I am just that warm friendly and easy going person to them. And I will always be and that’s why my home is always the place to be for all of them.

This is just how I am. I can turn a plain empty house into a livable and comfortable home that anyone would love.

The thing is renting this house is all I can afford at the moment. I got some unfortunate careless history with my credit trails that put me in a bin of unfavorable customers with the bank. I am not broke or black listed from any banking institutions. But I am just not a very good customer to them base on the merit of my records. I have been paying all my debts with them for as long as I can remember and it just never ends. But I am very casual with the payment schedule every month to the point that I do not care if I miss any deadline. I just make sure that I pay them regardless anyway at some point.

And with my business running with another set of headaches to bear, everything is almost unbearable every month. But I am grateful to Allah for giving me such a comfortable life to live, more than an average person would have. So despite my money issues with the bank, I am still good with my families, my employees and my best friends. These three, I will always make sure my best to keep them from worrying about money because of me.

I am always generous with money for them. Somehow I am more than happy if I could spare some support for them when they need my help with money. Or at least I will try first or offer some other alternative before I give up. But sometimes I think this does present a problem for me though. They often expect more from me when I know my limit is lesser than what they could have.

Recently my best friend KH has been saying that if I cannot buy the terrace house I am living now, come when my landlord ready to sell it, he wanted to buy it and let me rent it from him. Kind of like asking me to pay for my own home, but for him to own from the bank. He knows I am a good paymaster with him and he knows that I cannot afford to buy this on my own for now or for the next 3 years at least; so he thought if he buys this house and let me rent it from him, this will make me feel better and happier? Secure? What kind of fucked up idea is this? He will be happier, yes! What about me?

In fact I will feel so unhappy and feel really useless and pointless to live. Maybe it’s the ego in me, I don’t know. But I would like to buy the place that I really love with my own sweat, tears and bare hands. I don’t want my best friend to take ownership on my home like some so-called superior civilized race invaded some poor small country just because they don’t have a name for their country and do not have a freakin’ flag to wave. What kind of egomaniac stupid thing to do to someone?

Is this supposed to help me? Maybe! But it is more like helping him to own more property and turn people like me become a leech, a beggar, a second rate useless citizen and taken away his self-respect with his dignity squeeze to a pulp. On the other hand, he becomes the hero that the family will brag for years to come, meanwhile I got to fake my face of embarrassment to his family and to our friends with smiles and giggles of laughter while serving food at my own party for them.

I don’t think I am ready to be this humble despite my unfortunate fate at the moment I have to do what’s best for my own happiness. Should this moment come and my home ownership transferred from the rich Chinese to my best friend KH, I will be ashamed to live here and it will be the day my soul of happiness got crushed to a size of a pea.

Maybe, we should call it day and I will be gone forever.

My thoughts,
Dwen

Life's Coming Up Hibiscus

2011-04-28T14:01:00.009+08:00

By TAHIR ALHAMZAH, The Star, August 29, 2002

MANY a time one’s true gift comes to the fore in the end, no matter how it might have been suppressed at a shaky beginning.

Azriduan Ahmad, also known as Dwen, is a case in point. As he holds a Science degree in Business Administration, you might think that was how he got started in business. However, as it turns out, it was his initially-thwarted artistic side that got him venturing forth and succeeding in the business world.

His company, Dwen Creations, sells flowers – fake flowers. Just like florists selling all sorts of fresh flowers, Dwen Creations offers a myriad selection of flowers – ranging from hibiscus to orchid to plumeria. Almost 90% of his flowers are based on real flowers and their colours. Only recently has he been expanding his range of artistic and stylised creations.

The products – which are hand-made – can basically be categorised into two: standard and signature pieces. While the standard ones are the FIMO Polymer clay flowers without any embellishment, the signature pieces come with semi-precious stones, crystal beads and mother-of-pearl, among others. The flowers come in the form of accessories like necklace, earrings, bracelets and brooches.

There are also individual flower pieces which one can wear in the hair, just like the typical image of an exotic tropical girl with a flower behind an ear. In fact, that is exactly what the pieces are meant for.

The demand for such flowers are high in Hawaii, where girls and women are seen everywhere with all sorts of blooms as part of their everyday accessories.
The island is also the place where Dwen established himself as an accessory designer.

Although Dwen loved to draw and sketch when he was young, he did not apply for an art and design course when he enrolled at Institut Teknologi Mara. Instead, he ended up studying business. In 1995, he went to Oahu, Hawaii, to further his studies at the Hawaii Pacific University for two years. Upon graduation, he worked as an in-store merchandiser at a United Colors of Benetton store there.

“I used to enter many drawing competitions in school. I even represented my school then. However, when I entered a technical school for my upper secondary education, I took up technical drawing. As I only had that with my SPM, I thought I would not qualify for the (art and design) course (at ITM),” Dwen explains how he ended up not pursuing his higher education in what he loved most.

Nonetheless, it was the business diploma that got him all the way to the Pacific island, where he majored in Tourism, and the place where he developed his creativity.

“I was introduced to clay by a friend’s wife. When I played with it and transformed it into roses, it was she who saw the light. She suggested that we get into business making flowers from clay.

“Next thing we knew, we were busy making the flowers and selling them. However, as the couple could not really give their full commitment, we went our separate ways, leaving just (my partner) J.P. (Kenrick) and me,” he recounts.

In early 1998, he left Benetton to concentrate on this new venture. Both partners then paid more attention to making and distributing clay flowers – arranging them into necklaces, earrings, bracelets as well as flower lei and the individual floral piece, which the Hawaiians call hairpic.

Dwen and Miss America 2001 Angela Baraquio, who wore Dwen's FIMO clay creations: a double-strand pua kenikeni lei and matching hairpic.

“As the hairpic goes into the hair, it needs to be light. However, the polymer clay which I was using is comparatively heavy if it is used to make hairpics,” he says.
Playing around with the clay substances, he came up with a mixture he named “Dwentech”. This material, which he said he “invented”, is lighter than polymer clay and also more flexible and durable than the material (a product of Japanese technology) used for hairpics by other manufacturers.

Eventually, “Dwentech” became the winning formula for Dwen’s creations. Word of mouth later made his products much sought after by retailers and consumers. Feedback he received from users were mostly positive, including one woman saying she was surprised to find her hairpic intact even after she had inadvertently slammed her car door on it!

Dwen with Angela Baraquio, Miss America 2001

Being at the right place at the right time was also partly how Dwen firmly established his enterprise in the Rainbow State; another turning point for him was his connection with Miss America 2001 Angela Baraquio.

With her, Dwen struck the right business agreement with the right person.
“We were at a Made-in-Hawaii trade fair in Honolulu when the then newly-crowned Miss Hawaii (Angela Baraquio) came to our booth. It was my partner (Kenrick) who approached her. Mesmerised by her beauty, he asked her who she was and when he found out that she was going to represent the state at the finals of Miss America for that year, we thought it’d be a good idea to sponsor her with our flower and jewellery pieces at the event,” he says.

As Hawaiians are usually associated with flowers (be it in the form of lei or individual flowers – hairpic or fresh ones – slipped just behind the ear) and it was not practical to use fresh flowers for the event, the organiser for the Miss Hawaii pageant agreed to the deal.

At the finals, Baraquio wore a yellow hibiscus (as it is the state flower) hairpic for the swimsuit segment, and a double-strand pua kenikeni lei and matching hairpics during the talent segment when she performed the hula dance. Baraquio also won the subsidiary title for the swimsuit round and when she stepped out to receive the prize, she had on a pink orchid hairpic and a triple-strand Arabian jasmine choker.
The deal worked out even better for him when Baraquio was crowned Miss America 2001.

She was also the first Asian American (Baraquio is a Filipina Hawaiian) to win the coveted title. Throughout her reign, she was seen everywhere sporting clay flowers created by Dwen – appearing on Larry King Live, Late Show with David Letterman, and when she met the US president – so much so the flower has become part of her image.
“At one time, she appeared in public but nobody recognised her. Realising what was missing, she took out her hairpic and slid it behind her ear. Only then the public recognised who this woman was,” says Dwen.

Flowers and floral jewellery pieces by Dwen have been available at more places in Hawaii ever since. Previously sold only through distributors, he now also has a boutique (opened in March this year) on Kapahulu Avenue in Waikiki, a place frequented by tourists. Besides being retailed in Hawaii, his flowers are also available elsewhere such as in San Francisco, California, and Japan.

“My products are only available at places that stock Hawaii-related goods on the (US) mainland,” says Dwen. And his products have also been distributed in Malaysia since early this year.

Having had established himself comfortably there, Dwen decided to move his base back home to Malaysia – where overheads are comparatively much lower. He officially transplanted his office from Hawaii to Kuala Lumpur only in May.

“Everything there is expensive. The salary for one person there could well pay for three here. Even when I’m making the flowers here now, the cost (including transportation of the goods there) is still lower,” explains Dwen.

Although there has been a change of address, zipcode and country on his calling card, Hawaiians can still enjoy his beautiful creations – thanks to his boutique and other business commitments he still has there, such as being appointed as one of the sponsors for the Miss Hawaii pageant since last year.

Angela won the Preliminary Swimsuit Competition at the Miss America Pageant 2001. Angela was wearing my FIMO 3-strands White Pikake Choker made to look like a famous Hawaiian flower, the Pikake/Jasmine flower. Also a matching FIMO Pink Orchid Hairpic on her left ear.

Should I Adopt A Child?

2011-03-24T15:36:00.005+08:00

Today my real dream was put to the test. I have always dreaming of having a child of my own and today a friend of my staff's niece was looking for a home for her 8 months son. She doesn't have a proper home nor could afford another mouth to feed in her difficult life (I supposed) and she wants her son to have a good life. So my staff suggested to me that I should take this child for an adoption.

For all I care, I will never have my own flesh and blood child. It's just not me and I have no intention of getting married either. Whether or not I am straight or gay or whatever is not the issue here. I just have no interest to get married to no one. And maybe my sisters or people close to me wouldn't see me as a fit parent for an orphan child but that is not their decision. They have no right to take away my rights and my luck and give that child to my younger sister just because she is married now and has no child yet.

I can see what they think of me. They just see that a child should grow up with a mother and a father. But with me, there's only me and my cats and occassional friends around me. To raise such an abandoned child should come with a lot of love, a proper home to live, stabilize income to support the living and a whole lot of knowledge to educate the child. If they think that I am not religious enough to raise a child, I have seen a lot less with families that have more than three children and their children can't even recite a Muqaddam. Let alone a Quran!

And I don't see why I need a wife first in order to adopt a child. I saw a lot of broken homes and single parents everywhere. Their marriage just come crumbling down like cookies smash to a wall and yet they survive the living and made it as a successful individuals.

I fit all these good criteria but I feel afraid to take such an important challenge in my life. Should I take such opportunity when it comes knocking on my door again next time? I keep asking myself the same questions over and over many times. And this opportunity was not the first time being offered to me. This is the second time actually.

However, today's deal was already over because some close relative to the mother of the child had adopted him 2 days ago and we just found out about it just now.

On the other side of me I felt relieved because I am not forced to accept such a challenged and if I did turned it down, I would have been so guilty and sad. The truth is I know I could take care a child on my own, by myself but this is all new to me and I feel so afraid to deal with what might come in the future.

I realized that adopting a child is nothing like adopting an expensive cat. But I am sure someday I will be ready for such a difficult task. I am sure if there's a "Rezeki dari Allah" in the future, I am sure Allah will show me the right step of what should I do or take. Maybe now is not the time yet. I am sure Allah has other plans for me.

Insyaallah!

Amin!!!!!!

Wedding Adik Ku

2011-03-23T12:37:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah Fizah dah selamat di nikahkan pada Jumaat malam yang lepas dengan Sapie Bin Misdon. Kami sekeluarga berasa sangat gembira sekali terutama sekali mak.

Seperti biasa banyak jugak mulut-mulut mak sedara, nenek sedara, saudara-mara yang melemparkan soalan Cepumas kat aku. . . . . .

Soalan : Bilo laie nak kawin ni wan? Copek lah sikit.
Alasan Sedara kenapa kena kawin cepat: Nenek ni dah tuo haa.... Dapeklah nenek tengok ko kawin nanti.

Jawapan aku: Insyaallah Besok den kawin.

Reaksi Sedara dengan jawapan aku : Huh????!!!!

Hahhahahahah!

Tak kuasa nak layan soalan yg semua orang lemparkan. Aku lebih senang hidup sendiri, cara aku sendiri, tak payah nak fening2 kepala. Perlu ke nak kawin apa gajah nyer? Sapa yg nak kawin nie? I ke atau nenek2 sedara ni semua?

Siapa Lebih Kuno, PDRM atau POS Malaysia????

2011-03-09T12:07:00.003+08:00

So, ok, sekarang ni musim orang berpusu-pusu membayar Saman sebab PDRM bermurah hati (Bermurah hati ker?) nak bagi discount on all the stupid traffic summons that they throw at us drivers for their bonus free money. OK i get it you want us to pay. But at least have the fucking decency to provide us with an efficient systems to pay the summons.

Semalam aku pergi ke Pejabat POS Sungai Besi. Aku sampai sana dalam pukul 12 lebih. Aku ambil no giliran dan kena tunggu sampai dekat seratus orang baru giliran aku sampai. OK lah dah alang-alang Rezal nak pos surat berdaftar ni, aku pun tumpang sekaki nak bayar Saman Trafik sekali. Jadi kami pergi Makan tengahari dan beli barang kat pekan Sungai Besi dahulu. Lepas tu dalam pukul 2.00pm kami melangok semula kat Pejabat Pos tunggu giliran.

Pukul 3.30pm, no giliran kami dipanggil. And guess what? Kakak kat kaunter tu cakap. . . ."Sori encik, kami tak boleh access Sistem PDRM. Kalau encik nak tunggu lagi, saya boleh terus cuba". So, aku pun tunggu lagi 30 minit, Kakak tu cakap tak boleh jugak. So aku pun surrender dan balik ke opis semula. Aku pun kena kerja jugak. Mak Bapak aku bukan ketua Poles Negara yang boleh tangguh bayar Saman nie lagi.

So today at 10.45pm aku sampai kat Balai Polis Jalan Bandar dekat China Town nak bayar Saman Trafik nie. And guess what? Aku kena tunggu 710 orang punya giliran baru aku boleh jejakkan kaki kat depan kaunter pembayaran dorang. WTF!!!!

Tolong ambil ikhtibar dari cara Tol Plus kita. Dorang akan buka kaunter extra semasa orang sibuk balik cuti raya atau cuti perayaan yg besar2. Baru lah efficient dan "Malaysia Boleh". Ini, dah lar semua orang meraba macam orang buta kat Balai Polis tu tak tau nak buat apa? Nak kena semak Saman dulu ker atau terus ambil no dan bayar saman kat kaunter sekali gus ker? SO!? Ramailah orang yang walking around asking everybody else. Kot yea pun, letak lar satu officer kat situ jadikan kaunter pertanyaan. Atau pun letak poster keterangan mcm mana precedure nak bayar saman kat Balai Polis. Baru lah memudahkan rakyat.

Yang hairan nyer, kenapa Balai Polis yang lain seperti Kat Sungai Besi dan banyak lagi yang lain tu tak boleh menerima bayaran Saman Trafik, kenapa? Dah lar POS Malaysia dungu nak mampus, nak check saman pun tak boleh. WTF! Balai Polis yang lain nie tak boleh online ker? Sistem tahun 80an ker dorang guna? Tak der internet? Katanya kerajaan buat Multi-Media Super Corridor kat Cyber Jaya tu berkurun lama dulu sampai sekarang balai polis kita semua masih guna type writer ker? Get what I mean?

And we pay TAX for fucking what? By right all the Balai Polis di seluruh negara must be able to check and accept payments for Traffic Summons. If POS Malaysia is willing to provide the service, PDRM should more fucking efficient than all of them stupid Pejabat Pos.

Duit kami you all nak tapi service tak ada. Padahal nak set up sistem bukan lah susah sangat. Takkan I yang dok kat Bandar Tasik Selatan ni kena pergi all the way to KL just to pay for my Tickets padahal Balai Polis ada aje kat Sungai Besi tu?

Dah lar kes Pecah Rumah, Kes Pecah Ofis, Kes Kecurian, hampa semua tak boleh tangkap penjenayah pun. CCTV dah ada pun korang tak boleh buat apa-apa pun? Habis tu benda yang korang boleh buat ialah bagi saman kat orang bila salah parking dan bawak lebih had laju. Itu ajer! Tapi bila time nak bayar susah giler. Menyusahkan hidup Rakyat ajer.

Bukan tak mahu bayar, leceh giler nak bayar. Nak check my Traffic Summons kat MYEG punya website semalam pun tak boleh. WTF!!!! So apa yang boleh??? So jangan guna slogan kerajaan "MALAYSIA BOLEH" this and that because the truth is "MALAYSIA TAK BOLEH".

Pada pendapat I, PDRM ker, POS Malaysia ker, dua-dua sama ajer. Mengabih kan Boreh yo!

NEW Cat Species Found in Sabah, MALAYSIA.

2011-02-10T17:06:00.010+08:00

I have always been so fascinated with the Cat species and recently a type of leopard found in Sabah on the Borneo Island and believed to be related to its mainland cousin is in fact a completely new cat species.

The conservation group said American scientists compared the DNA of the clouded leopard with that of its mainland cousin and determined the two populations diverged some 1.4 million years ago.

The clouded leopard is Borneo's largest predator, has the longest canine teeth relative to its size of any cat, and can grow as large as a small panther.

There are estimated to be between 5,000 and 11,000 of these animals left in Borneo's rain forests, which are threatened by logging and are believed to hold many more undiscovered species, WWF said.

In December the organization, which is based in Gland, Switzerland, announced scientists had found at least 52 new species in Borneo, including 30 types of fish, two tree frogs and several plants.

Sumber maklumat dicilok dari internet.

FIMO Beads Making

2011-02-10T16:29:00.009+08:00

Yesterday I had a special visit from Miss Azura from Staedtler Malaysia. She came to my office to learn how to work with FIMO Polymer Clay so that she has a better understanding of what is FIMO.

To my opinion, FIMO Polymer Clay is the best Polymer Clay ever made and FIMO is made by Staedtler in Germany. There are many other brands out there but I find FIMO is easier to work with, has so many choices of colors and the end product of FIMO is beautiful and durable.

FIMO can be made into so many things that one can imagine and the sky is the limit. There are so many FIMO artists out there who makes a living from making FIMO Jewelries and art pieces and I am one of them based in Kuala Lumpur. I have been working with FIMO since I was introduced to FIMO by a friend and his wife in Honolulu, Hawaii in 1998.

Ever since then I have developed so many techniques and designs in making FIMO jewelries based on Floral designs.

Below you can see some pictures of me teaching Azura how to make FIMO beads and then we finish it up as a necklace with matching bracelet and dangling earrings.

Miss Azura slicing a FIMO cane so that we can stick it to the side of the Royal Blue oval Beads.

Completed FIMO beads.

Fully baked FIMO Beads still on the baking tray.

Stringing up the beads to make it into a necklace.

The finish product of the Bead Necklace with matching Bracelet and dangling Earrings.

Another one of my design, Turquoise & Pink FIMO Necklace.

My Office Was Burglarized!

2011-02-02T16:02:00.012+08:00

This morning was a nerve wrecking incident for all my staff and I. When my staff got to the office at 8.30am this morning (I came after 9am mind you), the main wooden door and the grill door was already opened. When they walked in, everything was upside down and inside out. Every little box, drawers, files and pretty much everything was ransacked and thrown everywhere. We were burglarized!

We have been doing business at this office for more than 9 years and Alhamdulillah, we were okay before up until today. This is the first time somebody broke into our office and stole some of our precious stuff.

1. Compact Laptop, bag and accessories.
2. Cash of RM 750.00
3. Pentax-P3 Manual Film Camera
4. Canon Sureshot Digital Camera
5. Western Digital External Hard-drive
6. All the cables for my Canon DSLR 500D
7. My old Canon Ixus

We estimated the lost was at least RM 5,000.00. The police and the CSI Officer came at around 10.30am to check for finger prints and took some photos of all the mess. But somehow in the first place, I do not even care to even make a Police report about this robbery as it will not change anything or catch the damn culprit. It'll only waste more of my time.

Among all the possession that were stolen, the WD External Hard Drive was the most important of all. That thing store all my precious photos for the last 13 years, all the information about my company since 2000, all my downloaded musics since 1998 and very rare as well, a lot of artwork for my business and many more.

I just cannot begin how sad I am right now. It's like someone stole the last 13 years of my life and left me with a very vague memory to rely on.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda. . . . .It's too late now but it's time to change all the locks.

Letters To Juliet VS Leap Year

2011-01-31T19:30:00.008+08:00

I had the pleasure to watch these two movies on DVD recently; Letters To Juliet & Leap Year. It was quite fun actually! I have always enjoy comedy romantic movies among all the other genres out there.

These two movies made me laughed and made me wanna look for love or renew my love. Just like many other movies in Hollywood, the stories are very much similar but the character and the other parts are all different.

In this case, both movies plots are about an engaged pretty American girl who lives in New York and thought that their American fiance is the only love of her life until they end-up in Italy (Letters To juliet) or Wales (Leap Year).

American or specifically New Yorkers always thought that they are all that and the rest of the world are crap kind of stuff until they are actually crawl out from under the rock (USA) and realized there are other countries besides USA and there are so many better looking people than Americans out there. Duhhhhh!!!!

So in Letters To Juliet, Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) dumped his faux Italian New Yorker fiance who is rich and own an italian restaurant in New York over a handsome but foul mouth rude British who is less interesting but at least gave her more attention than her stupid American fiance whose name I didn't even realized through out the damn movie. It's amazing that a girl would go so far across the Atlantic ocean to find a man that can give attention to her over a security in life living in New York.

And in Leap Year, Anna(Amy Adams) dumped his neat dandy good looking and rich fiance Dr. Jeremy (Adam Scott) who is boring and too predictable and non-romantic over a handsome "bad-boy" bar owner named Declan (Matthew Goode) who is poor, messy and was very rude to a stupid lost American girl such as herself. Declan turned out to be the one she wanted when she realized that Declan will definitely rescue her first if their house is on fire. What T F! Yup! That was her last trick question to Dr Jeremy when he was busy collecting his cameras, laptops and mobile phones among other things and forgot to pick her when she ring the fire alarm in their expensive apartment in New York.

By the end of the day a girl will end up somewhere far God knows where and follow her heart for some satisfation in their hearts and in bed as well of course. I bet you if the bed sucks, she will go back to New York in no time and she will not let herself living in poor, feeding some chickens and getting mud in her shoes in some back yard vegetables garden. I am not kidding!

And another thing is they (stupid American girl in Hollywood movies) will always pick a bad boy over a dandy rich man. Is it the manly good looks more important than the security in life? Is the interesting macho factor is more important than a boring dandy man?

Open your heart and ask that question to yourself. Sex or money? Adventure in third class or travel in style first class?

Hmmmm! I think I know what i like but I don't kiss and tell. LOL!

8 Cats And A Human Soul

2011-01-28T15:22:00.008+08:00

Ever since Facebook became so popular to the point that almost everybody who works with a computer will start their day with updating their facebook walls first thing in the morning. To some point Facebook is almost like drinking beer for breakfast, you just get intoxicated and addicted to it too early in the day. Which is why most huge corporations or companies would block Facebook among other websites from their internet system.

To some of us, Facebook is simply genius. We got closer to the people we have lost contact with either friends or families and also making new circle of friends through it. However, I am not here to talk about Facebook but how Facebook has connected me and my course-mates of 91-93 from University ITM, Shah Alam.

It is amazing how we managed to talk to each other again without having to pay a cent for a phone bill. We have scattered around the world by now. Some of us are married, some of us are spinsters, some of us have children already, some of us has 8 cats, some of us are divorced with or without children and some of us have immigrated to Thailand, USA or Australia and become the citizen of the world. And yet we are able to communicate to each other like we are neighbors. Isn't it cool or what?

Naturally, once or twice a year there will be some gathering organized by our course-mate to catch up on each other or to share our latest development. It is amazing how some of us who used to be in the back of the class are now leading the pack with so much things to share. To be honest, some of the things can be a bit annoying but for a few hours of gathering, why not just endure with a smile for a change.

We used to claw each other back when we were in the UITM. We were so young then and had very little patient for life and didn't know any better how we would be in the future back then. Well now is the future of 18 years to be exact and a lot has changed since then. The most obvious is our look. Some of us that has stopped growing taller becoming wider instead. What was once a clean flawless cheeks is now filled with facial hair for accessories. Someone that used to be nerdy is now a fashionista or a fashionmista. Someone that used to have such foul mouth now a religious man. But there are some of us who has not changed a bit. But there are also some of us that we have never heard of anymore too. But these are all just facts of life. Everything about us will evolve with times to survive the hard living.

As for myself, I am still deciding whether or not to go to this gathering at Shah Alam tomorrow evening. Not that I don't like the pissing contest. It's just that I got no desire to share anything with anybody, friends or no-friends, no hard feelings what so ever.

Somehow I am just not excited but very complicated. Pretty much I just want to stay home and enjoy a quiet time alone if possible. But I don't think I will have any time alone or quiet for that matter. Its the life I live nowadays already void my luxury of quiet time alone.

At some complicated times, I wish there's no mobile phones or Facebooks or cats or a lover for that matter so that I could have some precious time alone for myself.

I saw a movie last night and there was a question raised by the character; why Hot-dogs are packed in 10 pieces but Hot-dog buns are a pack of eight buns? Well the answer is simple; sometimes life is not always as we planned it. So might as well accept what we have, be grateful and make the best out of it.

So that means, my wish for some time alone for myself will include my 8 cats and a human soul.

There's A Place For Us

2011-01-27T15:38:00.012+08:00

Thanks to Narnia - The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader movie for taking my Idol Carrie Underwood to sing their theme song There's A Place For Us.

Such a beautiful song, perfect for Carrie to sing and got her nominated for the Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song. Although she didn't win the Globe, she co-written the song with David Hodges and Hillary Lindsey.

There's a place out there for us
More than just a prayer or anything you've ever dreamed of.
So when you feel like giving up
Cause you don't fit in down here
Fear is crashing in close your eyes and take my hand, yeah

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong
Where faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough
There's a place for us
There's a place for us.

When the water meets the sky
Where your heart is free and hope comes back to life
When these broken hands are whole again
We'll find what we've been waiting for
We were made for so much more

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong
Where faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough
There's a place for us
There's a place for us

So hold on, hold on
There's a place for us

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It's written in the stars that shine above
A world where you and I belong
Where faith and love will keep us strong
Exactly who we are is just enough
Exactly who we are is just enough
There's a place for us

Broken Here And There!

2011-01-26T13:41:00.016+08:00

I am so tired of broken things lately. I moved into my new place almost 6 months ago and recently I discovered, despite everything looking so new; doors, toilets, the clean wall, the white ceilings, my brand new furniture and brand new electrical appliances; it takes only a few months for all these craps to start breaking here and there and malfunctions like a Gingerbread Cookie House after an earthquake.

Not to mention the skirting on my Chevy is already broken to pieces and I still haven't found the mood to fix it yet. What's the point of fixing because the minute it looks like brand new again, some stupid guy on a motorcycle gonna hit my bumper or I am gonna hit some rock on the dirt road and damage the skirting again. And on top of that the two front tires needs to be replaced latest by next month. Darn it!

What about my Rubine Prefessional Cooker (Stove & Oven) that is Designed in Italy? I bought that last August 2010, just 6 months ago and it cost me RM 4,000 / USD 1,300 (Cheap? I think not!). Yeah! It was designed in Italy but where is it actually made from? I have no clue but probably China! That's where everything else is manufactured anyway nowadays. The main stove open burner is already dead. The gas cannot go through it unless I press the switch nob the whole time during cooking. That sucks! Now I have to fucking call that company to send their technician to fix it? Will it cost me? I sure hope not! It should be under warranty for the whole fucking year! If they insist on charging me, I will be some fucking bitch from hell and say NO to them. We'll see!

And then there's the roof of the house, leaking like a freaking shower. Whenever there's a thunder storm like a monsoon here at Taman Puncak Jalil, there's also some quick shower on several spots in my ceiling. Not many, about 5 spots only. And 1 leak on the roof is already too many! I wonder what is so fucking wrong with TALAM CORPORATION BERHAD that they have to cut corners and used substandard building materials when they build housings and buildings?

And recently I was told, whenever these fuckers build new housing areas or new apartments, only a few of the local banks willing to be the loan provider. The rest all already black listed TALAM for housing loans. That is a serious shit isn't it? Unless we buy the property from the owner and not directly from TALAM Corporation. How can our government let them slide like a fucking snake?

When I looked at the 1'X 1' tiles on my upper floor, I realized that the building itself is not even square. On one side of the room the tiles have to be cut at an angle or slanting. What kind of a bull shit is this? They can't even built a house straight or in an exact square? Isn't that suppose to be a very basic design to get it straight and square?

And then there are other shits coming along like the door knobs on the doors are all shits and need to be replaced again. The lock on the grill door already showing signs of aging and will be jammed anytime soon. And the main electrical switch keeps tripping off during heavy rain and thunder storms. And the list just go on and on. Will there be any break for me? I guest not!

Maintaining things are so costly nowadays and to fix everything that's considerably new is another story. I feel so tired of broken things around me. And those I mentioned above are not even half of all the broken shits.

Looking Better Today!

2011-01-25T16:57:00.004+08:00

Finally I got a haircut at 8.45pm last night and what a transformation. From a haggard and messy looking dude to a clean neat gentleman (Masuk bakul angkat sendiri). It is true what people say that when we look good on the outside, ie fit & healthy, well dressed, less fat, etc; we will instantly feel better on the inside as well.

Today I feel great and a little bit better than yesterday after being called fat for so many times. I suspect it wasn't so much of being fat that people started calling me names. It was my messy unmanageable look that caught some bad attention from people and thus the bad label was thrown at me.

My first haircut 5 days after my 39th birthday. Not too shabby ehhh!

Thank God! I realized the power of looking good can certainly change people's opinion towards you and make you feel much happier. People love people who loves themselves! And that is so true!

Kudos to me!!!!

Too Tired & Fat! Fat?

2011-01-24T16:01:00.014+08:00

Being tired and fat are two different things. But when these two things come to me side by side, there is something wrong with me, right? And also we often mistakenly describe the difference between tired and lazy. Laziness can be the caused of tiredness in someone and laziness could be the very child that conceived by being fat too. So whatever, I need to get the definition correct later.

But today is one of those days that I felt really mentally tired. Tired? I think it was lazy and unmotivated to live is more like it. I felt Lazy like a fat person. I am not fat or obese for that matter. But I was hit with the word fat many times today. I have been neglecting my exercise for so long. I used to be in the gym at least 3 times a week but after a long break since September until November 2010, I only go to the gym once a week or pretty much every Saturday as Rezal's guest over the weekend at Fitness First Gym.

I don't think I am that FAT. I am fatter than I used to be (a little only! 3% more fat? Denial?) but today, more than ever, everyone I met at Kamdar said I am fat. Can't they be a little bit stingy on the usage of the word "fat" on someone? These "fatter" words flying at me like bullets. Imagine movie The Matrix when Keanu Reeves was bending backwards (mind you!) to avoid flying bullets hitting him? Only this time that bullet was "fat" and I wished I could bend over backwards like Keanu. Instead every bullet hit me in the face just like when someone slap you on the fucking face.

Urrrkkhhh!!! I hate being called fat! I am not angry at those people who called me fat. They just observed and shot their bullets at me. That's all! I am more angry at myself for getting fat and didn't notice it when I look in the mirror every day. Can anyone give me a break? I am still tired from my last Saturday exercise at the gym. How can I still be growing fat in my belly and make cushiony cheeks at the same time?

So I made up my mind that in February I will go back to the gym on regular basis and torture myself until I can barely walk home. Ohhh! Did I mention that I also hate to work my ass off so hard so that I can avoid to be called fat? I have to straighten up my motivation aka "nawaitu" now. A little confused on that!

To be honest I would rather just stay in my living room and avoid eye contact with humans at all cost. Unless my cats can now talk like a freakin' Cockatoo Bird, then I will avoid them too. Sort of like a close call between on the verge of getting mental or becoming the "cat lady" (very fat, can barely walk, old, messy and smelly lady that lives alone with 10 to 50 cats in her house and she never goes out of the house except to get a mail. Even the groceries are being delivered to her doors.)

Fuck!! What is wrong with me? What is my problem? I am rebelling against fat and people but still don't know what's bugging my mind. I need to be alone cause I am starting to hate a lot of things!

I am so uncool now!

Money Value Overrulled Friends And Families

2011-01-21T12:38:00.010+08:00

Well it happened about 5 months ago at Seng Heng Electrical Store at Puchong. I was shopping for some electrical appliances for my new place and Kamizi was to help me with the payment using his credit card. With his credit cards I get to pay installments for at least 6 months and to a maximum of 30 months.

Naturally, when the credit is rather large shopping with the money we don't own makes its much more fun until the bills are presented every month for payments. It will start to pinch little by little. But I am so grateful with Kamizi's help to use his credit cards to pay for my things. We trust each other that's the thing. And I will make sure I keep it that way and do my best to make payments to his credit cards every month on time as per agreement.

So, Kamizi was also at the same time looking for a camera for his own because he was planning for a holiday with his parents to Beijing. When he looked at the prices of all the handy small Digital cameras was quite expensive and not much cheaper than my DSLR Canon EOS 1000D. So I jumped into this opportunity and offered him to buy my camera so I could upgrade my Canon to EOS 500D that has a video function and much more.

The thing about Kamizi that I always mistaken is that he is very calculative about spending his money. It doesn't matter to his best friend or to his mother. He will put value for money over things much more importantly and not over emotion or love for someone that you care about. At least a lot lower than I would ever go that's for sure!

So he started to nickle and dime me for my EOS 1000D and after a long time "arguing" on what was the reasonable value for my EOS 1000D, he finally agreed to pay RM300 for my good camera and put my friendship value on a much lower value over money. I on the other hand willingly let go my Canon EOS 1000D for almost free because I was grateful for his help with his credit card payment and for my love and appreciation over our friendship.

Then I bought myself a new Canon EOS 500D for over RM 2000.00. It was rather risky of me to do this but I couldn't resist the temptation of owning a new camera. I was happy and Kamizi got a digital camera for so damn cheap.

And yesterday, at my house during my lunch party, Abang Din opened his big mouth and told me that Kamizi sold that EOS 1000D to his brother for RM 800.00 and gained RM 500.00 profit on it.

At that point I realized where I belong in Kamizi's world of calculative "Kaching". I wonder which is worse? The fact that he nickle and dime me for that great camera over my good heart on our long time friendship; or he scammed his own brother by selling that camera with RM 500.00 profit over it?

He knew he was guilty over these whole thing and was laughing with full guilt on his face as I saw it but to be honest, I don't think he's the kind of person that really cares what is the value of love, friendship or compassion when he has to squeeze his pocket to pay for it. Money is definitely will overrule his friends or his family.

I was sad, devastated and felt cheated over my own best friend and I am sure this will happen again in the future knowing how easy and gullible I am over things or as Kamizi always said so eloquently about me that I am an easily pleased person. But I will always play by my rule and stick to what I believe in: love and friendship over money.

And for what I see, people who has the same principle like myself we will always have so much debts everywhere and will never get rich. We'll have just enough to go by every month. And "smart" people like Kamizi will always have lots of cash in the bank for back up and live in fear for not having money around rather than worrying about not having his best friends or his families around.

My Birthday Last Night & The Gift.

2011-01-19T17:36:00.009+08:00

Over the top birthday gift from Rezal. The exact Kitchen Aid Mixer that I have been wanting and he got it for me. I was surprised? Yes! Am I grateful of his gift? Yes! Am I feeling uneasy about getting such an expensive about RM 2,300.00/USD 770 mind you? Yes! I am afraid to accept such an expensive things from him especially he could have spent it better for himself instead of for me.

I can find my own ways to own this mixer someday, in fact if I want to buy it now also I could just go and buy. But, I don't feel like doing it now because I am already spending tons of my cash out to the drain to maintain such a decent lifestyles, which happens to be slightly more than average and he is in this picture as well, washing his hand and living it with me.

So I am kind of 50/50 on this matter. I have offered to pay half of what he paid because I don't see why he has to buy something that I really want according to his taste of color anyway. Black? OK lah! Given that the retailer has no stocks of color, hence I could buy it in the future when they have the right color I love, Banana Yellow, Red or Baby Blue or the best is Silver. Anyway, in this matter the stupid retailer didn't have the color I like.

Owning this Kitchen Aid Mixer is something that I really been wanting to have and I want to buy it for myself and I don't want to owe someone for giving it to me. I do not like the word "you owe me bitch!" And on his birthday in June I have to crank my pocket on buying something of similar value. To me spending about RM 1000 per gift is really lavish and extravagant already. It's just a matter of being creative to find the perfect gift.

And as time goes by, usually the gift to someone gets more meaningful each time as we know more about that person. In my best friends case, we are tired of gifts already. At our age now almost reaching 40, we just want to buy things on our own and reward ourselves with things we really love and furthermore is the companionship that matter and not the material stuff anymore.

A gift must be something practical that a person need but at the same time thoughtful and unexpected. For example, a tote bag/just any nice bag, a pair of sport shoes/working shoes, a watch, a set of beauty product, perfumes, a mobile phone, a bracelet or a nice necklace (not diamonds of course) and or a tour somewhere nice for the weekend would hit the spot and will be kept as a wonderful memory in the photo album.

I am not being difficult by having stupid list of stuff that I need or someone has to be sacked away out the door. No! No! After living for 39 years now, more than ever I realized how I really understand myself and what I like and I don't like. Not a list but just some things that I do and don't do.

I just felt that when Rezal presented me with that expensive Kitchen Aid mixer last night was like a beauty queen being trapped by her boy friend and proposed to her on stage in the middle of the pageant that she just won. That proposal put her in the spot and she was not ready to accept that ring yet. I felt the exact same way! I almost ask him, "are you sure?" as I was sure not!

I need to get rid of my unacceptable feelings of this gifts as Rezal also has the tendency to "ungkit" the value of money he had invested over certain things in the past. This is not something I made up, it has happened before numerous times. But every time he was jealous of me giving some nice gifts to someone, he forgot that I spent more on him. I did the math! I am no bimbo! It's just that this time, this kitchen aid mixer is too damn expensive and I didn't expect him to go this far when his family needs more money than I. This will be a main point with him at some point in the future for debate of who spent more and shit. I just really hate being in this kind of calculative fighting.

I could return it back to him and break his heart. Or he can accept my offer and let me pay half of the value and make me feel happier. Or I could just eat my own self precaution protective shit over my untarnished ego and hoping that he will not "ungkit" how much he had spent on me in the near future.

At my age now, here I go again, I just don't need all the shits that can give me mental depression or heart attack. That's all! But, I really do love the Kitchen Aid Mixer and appreciate how Rezal really try so hard to give the perfect birthday present to me. However the many circumstances that might shock me or haunts me in the future, I thank you very much!

I Hate My Birthday!!!!!

2011-01-18T16:05:00.003+08:00

There's definitely something is "slightly" wrong with me. Slightly? The thing is I hate my own birthday since this past 4 years. I used to throw my own birthday parties and invite my friends to enjoy for barbecue and good food. Lately all I want to do is just to avoid any contact with friends who have the tendency to "surprise" me with a birthday cake or something.

I guess I don't like the feeling of having owed someone a gift or a birthday "surprise" when it comes to their turn next time. On the other hand, I am not too sure if that is the reason of me feeling like shit.

I really felt like celebrating my birthday all alone and quiet this year. How can I stage my own disappearance when I don't have any solid plan to follow? Furthermore I might hurt somebody's feeling for "running' away from them when they probably already "cooking" up some plan for me.

Thinking about tomorrow already put me in a sluggish mood. I wish I am away somewhere far and by myself now and most of all away from my current real life PROBLEMS.

I want my 20's again. Not that I was younger but because I had no serious problems then. Problems as in work & business related and not health. I was healthy then and I am still healthy now except for a few minor glitches such as weaker right knee and bigger tummy. Ohhh and also wider face diameter and a lot lesser hair too.

I just want to be away, away from my own life and get a new identity and live as a different person in some European Countries or America for that matter. Maybe then I will learn to appreciate more of what I have now. Is there anything worth appreciating?

One thing for sure my problems right now already overwhelmed my happy things. Fuck it all!

Priority & Dilemma Among Friends

2011-01-11T18:47:00.008+08:00

Recently in conjunction to AJL2010, Kamizi suggested that we do a gathering to watch the annual competition on TV3 at Annuar’s NEW almost a million ringgit worth of condo. The reason they wanted to do it there was because he has a 50” Plasma TV. I object to this idea immediately. First of all it’s a singing competition and Annuar has no stereo system hook up to his TV so I prefer to just watching AJL at my own living room. My 42” Panasonic LCD TV is big enough to count pimples on somebody’s face and nothing beats that Harmon Kardon Surround Sound either.

Then suddenly they realized the importance of having a good Surround Sounds to watch this competition. So Kamizi said he will come to my house with Din. Since only the two of them coming so I said OK.

A week before AJL, Kamizi told me that he invited 5 others on my behalf to come without my prior approval. At first I was kind of reluctant but immediately I felt that it would be fun to watch AJL in a group like this. It will be filled with comments, curses, arguments and laughter. It would be so much fun!

So I decided to invite Isaac as well since I have not spent some quality time with him since he got engaged to Linda last November. Without thinking of any consequences I called him. As usual when I spoke to Isaac he did not say yes to my invitation yet. Being himself, as predictable as before, he will be busy with weddings over the weekend and probably some other prior engagements with his new BFF or some plans with Linda and or deciding which one is more beneficial for him to attend . So I let him decide whether he wanted to come or not. No solid commitment from him which it doesn’t really matter or change anything.

But, when Rezal knew that Isaac might be coming he immediately said that he will leave the house if Isaac comes. Knowing the history of these two and it was entirely Rezal’s faults on the feud between them; it was rather kind of my fault not to consult with Rezal upon inviting Isaac at this time though. After all Rezal does live with me.

There’s no point talking about the past anymore and to me let bygone be bygone. It’s water under the bridge. Let it go and do not burn the bridge.

Unfortunately, some people still hold on to their grudge and have the nerve to tell my face their demand and smear my good intention. Since one of us has to be the grown up here and become the bad guy eliminating some innocent friend, I had no other choice but to SMS Isaac and told him not to come due to some “complicated” reasons. After all, Issac still has not yet confirmed on his attendance anyway.

Isaac being himself, immediately replied to my SMS and told how shitty he felt and asked me to delete his number and very emotional about it. For whatever it's worth I didn't mean it to hurt but I have no choice but to choose. Either way I had to decide for better or for worse and deal with it. After all life is a series of good and bad choices but it all come out differently when you look at life on a different angle each time.

I have known Isaac for a long time and for these so many years, some mutual friends and I are all agree that Isaac is a bit an emotional person and he always has a very “busy” schedule with his new friends instead of maintaining his long time friends like me. When he’s happy and meeting all his other friends or has somebody “special” for the moment; we are stowed away and forgotten for a while. We are his “lonely & sad times friends” I suspect.

With all his comments on his Facebook wall, not once I felt left out by him or pushed away as a second rate friend even though when I saw him went out with some friends I know at the mall. I have always perceived him as one of my few good friends. And that’s that! Despite knowing how busy he is looking for love, exploring friendships with many people, 20 something people will always be 20 something people. They can call themselves as matured as the burning Sun but they ain’t going to be matured like us the 30’s until you are actually experiencing being 30 something. As a matter of fact, we the 30's are now reaching the 40's already.

To some point in our matured life, we have to learn to respect our friend’s decision on something without wearing a skirt. And I am sure, to some point in his life he will have to honor Linda’s request over me too. So I had to make a choice and I chose Rezal over him just like he would choose Linda over me. And if he cannot understand where I am coming from and what I am saying here, maybe someone ought to translate this into a much simpler definitions so that he will know not to be childish and emotional to others in the future.

As a friend I feel a little bit frustrated sometimes because friends or lovers will demand for what they want and will protest when denied. Sometimes they would request for some unreasonable crap that he or she already knows that it doesn’t add up to any common sense but would ask anyway, regardless.

These situations put me in such crappy dilemma and suck the joy of living out of my soul. So, I set some rules to guide me and some room for alterations. I realized when you have a priority on your actions; then you will have a point in your argument to defend yourself. Learn to respect friends and learn to let go even when it hurts because sometimes we don’t know which side we belong and all we know that we are always right. And that is not always true! And you know it too!

So going back to AJL, I cooked some dinner, traditional Spicy Fish in Tumeric Coconut Milk with lots of fresh vegetables for “Ulam” and made an Apple Crumble Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream for dessert. We watched AJL 2010 till the end and everyone was happy except the one. . . . . . .

MY Ultimate Obsession For My Birthday

2011-01-07T15:42:00.007+08:00

Every year as I grow older and wiser and get more complicated with my life, I have bigger and more expensive desire for my birthday present. I don't need anyone to buy these for me but I want to buy them myself actually. Unfortunately, I didn't get anything for myself last year because I didn't have any extra money to buy anything. So I end up just ate the birthday cake. However this year is no different than last year, I'm still with a bacteria-sized of budget to splurge on branded goods but to actually share it with you guys what I really want for my birthday is making me feel happier. I love these three things below and I wish I can afford to get them for myself in the future.

ROLEX is my long time obsession. I have always in love with this particular one. An Oyster Perpetual Datejust, very simple and timeless classic. I absolutely adore this one to be on my wrist everyday.

Ohhhh My PRADA!!!!! I have always drool on Prada bags, Tote bags and Back Packs too. I have one sling back that I bought in Honolulu ages ago, and I lost my wallet and key holders many years ago. Too bad for me. Prada is just too damn expensive for me!

I love baking cakes and pastries and cooking is one of my ultimate passions other than my orchids and cats. This is the latest KitchenAid Mixer that I have been dreaming about. It will look so great in my kicthen. Hehehehe!

My Birthday The 19th January

2011-01-07T14:08:00.004+08:00

So my birthday is coming up and I will be 39 years old. That is so FUCKING OLD isn't it? I hate it but nobody can escape getting old. So the most common phrase that we heard people say.. . . . ."It's just a number nothing more!" Duhhhhhhhh! and Fuck you!

I don't know why i feel so miserable and so self destruct sometimes. Do I need people to come up to me and say. . . . "Ohhhh! You poor thing my dear!" and blah blah blah!! Do I need pity from people? Do I need to feel sorry for myself? And for what? I have no fucking idea what is going on with my head lately.

The question is what do I want for my birthday and who I want to spend it with? I feel like spending my birthday ALONE this year. Frankly speaking I am planning for my dissappearance as we speak now. Should I do it? I'm still thinking though!

The three things I want for my birthday:

1. Someone to pay off all my debts to the banks. (Not in a million years, unless Bill Gates is my daddy)

2. A nice freakin watch. I will search for this watch base on my tiny bacteria-sized budget. Should i steal one because then my bacteria-sized budget won't matter anymore.

3. My friends should all get together and buy me a Kitchen Aid Mixer since they all know that I love to bake cakes, pastries, cooking food and entertaining them all the times.

What I also really need is get myself so fucking drunk, drinking as much wine and margaritas as i want and forget the fucking world. Just for a day! But I am afraid to do this anymore for a religious reason. I used to fucking passed out especially during christmas and new year in Hawaii. But that was when I was 20 something guy. I am way pass that already and very complicated nowadays.

Happy Fucking Birthday to me. In advance! Huhuhuhu!

Dwen Ujang

NEW COMPANY NAME, Part 2.

2011-01-06T12:14:00.008+08:00

I managed to register my new company last Tuesday the 4th of January 2011. So the new name for my company is . . . . .

DWEN TROPICAL DESIGNS

Letter Head Sample. Still toying with the ideas and I need someone with graphic back ground to help me designs. . . . .

1. Company LOGO
2. Business card
3. Letter Head

Is there anybody out there???

Dwen

NEW COMPANY NAME, Part 1.

2010-12-30T16:27:00.005+08:00

My worst nightmare has finally come at last. I had to do so much for my company’s paperwork and accounts and the LHDN (Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri) is going to fine me on all the income tax that I have not yet pay in 2004 to 2006. And ROC would probably fine me for the late submission of my account statements and what not too.

All these delays and what not goes way back when Joe was in this company. He was this sloth American who wants to make it easy for him to get a PR in Malaysia but wants to skip all the paperwork or pay any cost that involve along the way. He’s the kind that used his finger a lot to point instead of to do it himself. But I was wrong too for not fighting him for the right thing to do. I let it go and let him have it his way. I was afraid and stupid in a way!

We the Malaysian worked as his “kuli batak” while he sat in his throne and play chatting on the internet the whole day. Just like when we were in Honolulu long time ago; Annie, Emily and I were his “kuli batak” then and we were forced to make phone calls to all the list of customers that he stole from Wyland Art Gallery to sell arts to these poor people as well. It was a pain in our ass and it was dreadful. Nothing good came out of that and it was shit all the way.

So, naturally who could stand his stupid foul mouth, lying ass any longer and we had a fight in 2006 and I told him to fuck off from my life and the company. So he resigned and went to Bangkok, Thailand, his land of the dream. He has always dreamt about living in Thailand ever since I met him in 1997. This was his biggest chance to leave us be since he has no balls to say what he wanted. And I knew he wanted to ditch us long time ago but couldn’t bring himself to say it to my face.

It felt like a huge bird shit just left our shoulders clean and decided to land on Bangkok people instead. He was there for a few years until end of 2009, then he called me and informed that he was leaving Bangkok for good to work in the government sector in LA, California. I found out later that before he left Bangkok he scammed our customer in Japan for more than 10,000 dollars and ran away. What a fucking Pig!

The problem now is I have to find a great solution to get away from being stuck in the net of fines and paperworks and then drown in the ocean of failure caused by the government policies. All these problems will definitely drown me and kill my spirit to live along the process to survive.

So I may be forced to close my current company and come out with a sole proprietorship company which require a lot less paperwork and will not be audited by the stupid government bodies. Sort of the second chance that I am hoping for.

I hope everything will go well as plan and I hope I will not get so much in trouble with the government soon. I am making a list of new company names to choose from now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011 to all friends and strangers.

Down And Down Again

2010-11-12T12:15:00.004+08:00

It only took one lie to destroy my relationship with anyone. Once I right-handedly caught a person lying to me everything is just broken after that. I lost the one thing that is most precious to me, TRUST.

What happen after loosing trust on someone is just horrible. I get suspicious, curious, nervous, tired, angry, more alert and above all, loosing sleeps. I have been down this road before and so far no one ever managed to keep my trust on them. After the first one, I realized everyone until the fifth persons; they are all a bunch of lying sack of shits and have no respects for me except for themselves. What an asshole!

I am so tired of being the one to keep asking these people to correct themselves and to respect me and still with all the words and talks that came out of my mouth all these times; they are just noise that bounce back to me on a concrete wall.

What am I, a piece of meat? Where have all your mannerism, respects and honesty been gone? Is there anymore a speck of decency in any relationship anymore?

Am I asking for the sky and the moon out of you? I don’t think so! But why is it so damn difficult for you to even live an honest life and honor my request?

I am so tired with people and their lies. I am so tired to look at the same people who put on fake smiles and insincere gestures just to make them feel better reaping the benefits of living from me.

Don’t they know that I suffer sweats and blood to keep a living here? That I have to sacrifice so much out of me to provide comfort for you to live? And yet the nerve you have to lie, then to tell another lie to cover a lie and then asking for more as if you need a reward for being such a great liar.

Do I need to be a saint and forgive people when they are bad and reward people when they are good to me? Or should I be a devil from hell and burn their asses to a charcoal when I caught them being bad and no second chance awarded?

Why everything is good has to end like shit? When should I start telling myself, ohh this is just another phase, its ok! Or should I just walk away out of this one? Or retaliate?

But one thing for sure, I am no devil. And I cannot act like a saint anymore either. But I am sure Allah will help me in this one just like every other shits I ran into before.

Dark Clouds Of My Past

2010-09-15T15:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes in April 2009, I was all hair wired, struggle to sleep every night and worried to the bone of what had happened to me. I was so worried that my most precious education documents were stolen away from under the bed inside the small room in Azaham’s apartment. I already had someone to blame for this misfortune of my own negligence. And that person already left for good and had no reason to turn back for a second thought.

Served me right though for believing people so easily and let them have it. To my best friends I was diagnosed as being blind; not eyes but blind hearted. Well now it was all in the past and nothing I could do to change anything anymore. So I decided to move on with my life, going to the gym and making new friends.

As days went by I thought I could get away from my hideous past but my past constantly bothering my mind. And the one thing that really a pin prick to my heart was how mad I was to myself for being so gullible and stupid that cost me my long life of education certificates and transcript from all my universities.

Out of the blue, recently my older sister Kakni called and told me that she found my huge black Delsey brand luggage tucked away under my grandmother’s pre-war metal bed frame in my old bedroom in my village home at Kampung Gedok. She said the luggage was so heavy and must be packed with a lot of stuff inside it. So I told her to open it up and check out what was the content. And the content was all my old photos from Hawaii that I don’t want anyone to see and all my precious education certificates, university transcripts, diploma and my degrees.

Oh my God! I said! Suddenly I can breathe again and sleep well at night knowing that I didn’t lose all these and how I thought that someone had stolen it from me. So two days ago when I got home for this year’s Eid Celebration, I opened up my luggage and went through everything.

Just as I thought, all the despicable photos of my past were in there and I don’t know why I have been keeping them knowing that I wouldn’t even take a glance of them anymore. Let alone put them in my book shelves for friends or families to see. It would be a complete embarrassment!

Unfortunately Kakni already saw them but seemed like she didn’t react to it or give out any comment to me. Thank God I don’t have to deal with it anymore. What’s past is past. Let them go and forget it. I don’t need any evident to remind me of my embarrassing past.

Last night I went through all the things I hid away inside that Delsey and sort them out. This morning, after my breakfast I grab a bottle of Kerosene, a box of matches and a garbage bag full of my shameful evident from my past.

I head out to the trash burning place at the end of my yard and dump them there. I threw splashes of Kerosene and light up the match to burn it.

I didn’t even think twice of what I was burning because I just want to get rid of them out of my life. Even memories of them in my mind are no more relevant nor exciting or fond. I already filed them away in a special forget-this-shit filing cabinet and locked it away somewhere in my head. I am not that Dwen anymore and what I am now is more essential and more acceptable to the people surrounding me and appropriate to my age.

At this point I am thinking why I did all those appalling things in the past? Was I that naïve? Or was I just wanted to explore life and figure out who I was? Or was I just having fun with some friends? But all these questions are not significant anymore whether or not I have the answer. It’s a little too late to be answered and I am already too late from being undiscovered by my sisters.

Therefore I burnt them all to a huge bon fire and watched the dark clouds of my past blown away in the sky and vanish into this Saturday morning sun.

I keep all my school and universities documents safely and I am free again! Thank God what a relief!

MY NEW HOME

2010-09-08T12:35:00.013+08:00

Aku mula dapat kunci rumah sewa baru ni 15 hb August dulu. Tetapi sampai sekarang pun masih ada banyak benda masih belum settle kat rumah ni. Masih ada banyak pokok2 kat Apartment Azaham yang perlu di ambil. Grill Set pun masih di rooftop Apartment Azaham dan ada 3 lagi equipment gym masih berada di rumah Yussof.

Sangat penat bila berpindah ke rumah baru dan sangat banyak wang di perlukan. Setakat ni macam nak terkeluar air mata darah dah bila menegnangkan betapa banyak nya hutang dan wang yg dah dileburkan ke rumah ini.

Tetapi ini adalah kali terakhir aku membeli peralatan rumah. Sekiranya aku berpindah ke rumah baru, aku akan bawa semuanya dan tak kan membeli barang baru. Cukuplah sekali ini sahaja.

Dibawah ialah gambar rumah aku yg 80% siap.

Ruang Tamu, my entertainment set semua Panasonic. TV ialah Panasonic LCD Viera 42", Blue Ray DVD Player dapat free sebab package beli TV, Surround sound semua Harmon & Kardon brand yg I beli 5 tahun dahulu.

Ruang Tamu dan Ruang Makan terbahagi oleh Arm Chair hijau belang. Meja makan di perbuat dari Kayu jati dan mempunyai 8 kerusi.

Ruang Tamu; Arm Chair dengan Fabric Cover belang hijau tua untuk matching dengan Sofa 3-Seater tu.

Ruang tamu, Sofa idaman dengan fabric cover bermotifkan bunga besar dan Daun Pisang, mengingatkan aku kepada perabut Hawaii.

Style dapur kesukaan saya...Walaupun tiada Cabinet Dapur yg kemas tetapi dapur ni mempunyai semua keperluan saya, Sink Stainless yg besar, Kitchen Island, Stove & Oven Dapur dari Italy yg lengkap and lain2.

Master Bedroom; Set Katil King size sy beli dari Nilai 3 juga, semuanya Kayu Jati.

Master Bedroom; Chest dgn drawers ni beli kat Ikea tetapi Almari tu ialah Kayu Jati beli I kat Nilai 3.

Guest Room di atas. Semua bewarna putih dan senang nak di padankan dengan apa2 pun. I paling suka dengan katil besi dari Ikea ini. Klasik dan buatannya sgt kukuh.

Family Room ditingkat atas. Sofa terpaksa di coverkan dgn kain blanket sebab sofa tu putih melepak, takut cepat kotor. Terpaksa beli Sofa dgn fabric putih sebab harga dia paling murah berbanding dgn yg menggunakan fabric bewarna atau bercorak.

Dan set TV belum ada budget nak beli utuk ruang ini. Tak penting sangat, lagi pun lampu kat ceilling pun belum ada. Nanti I akan pasang Lamp Shades aje sebab yang ni dah ada cuma tak keluarkan lagi dari kotak.

Get Outta My Way

2010-08-02T16:00:00.007+08:00

Yup....Miss Kylie Minogue is back with another new Album. Aphrodite is absolutely the kind of album I have been waiting from her. I have been buying all her albums all these years since she came out with I Should Be So Lucky in 1988. Stock Aitken Waterman gave her all the best songs ever since then. It was a perfect combination between them.

But this new new album, Aphrodite, I could say is one of her best album ever. My favorite of all the songs is Get Outta My Way.....It's a very powerful dance song. I get the same excitement listening to this song as I was with What Do I Have To Do. This song made me wanna dance alone in my room, imagining that I am in some cool club dancing my ass off.

Here's the lyric of GET OUTTA MY WAY......

What's the worst thing that could happen to you?
Take a chance tonight and try something new.
You're getting boring.
You're all so boring, and I don't recognize the zombie you're turning 'to.
Don't worry cause tonight I got you.
You can take a seat, do what you normally do.
I'm about to let you see.
This is what'll happen if you ain't giving your girl what she needs.

Leave you, move on
To a perfect stranger
You talk I walk
Wanna feel the danger
See me with him and it's turnin' you on
Got me saying getting me back it'd be another song

Get outta my way
Got no more to say
He's takin' your place
Get outta my way
Way outta my way
Got no more to say
He's takin' your place
Get outta my way

Now I got a taste I wanna explore.
Ain't going to waste, no not anymore.
You're going hard now, to win my heart but.
So many times now, you've been comin' up short.
Don't worry cause tonight I got you.
You can take a seat do what you normally do.
I'm about to let you see.
This is what'll happen if you ain't giving your girl what she needs.

[Chorus]
Leave you, move on
To a perfect stranger
You talk I walk
Wanna feel the danger
See me with him and it's turnin' you on
Got me saying getting me back it'd be another song

Get outta my way
Got no more to say
He's takin' your place
Get outta my way
Way outta my way
Got no more to say
He's takin' your place
Get outta my way

No I ain't going home cause I wanna stay, but I won't be alone no how no way.
Now I've showed you what I'm made of.
This is what'll happen if you ain't giving your girl what she needs.

[Chorus]
Leave you, move on
To a perfect stranger
You talk I walk
Wanna feel the danger
See me with him and it's turnin' you on
Got me saying getting me back it'd be another song

Get outta my way
Got no more to say
He's takin' your place
Get outta my way
Way outta my way
Got no more to say
He's takin' your place
Get outta my way

Moving To A New Home

2010-07-27T13:12:00.008+08:00

The idea started when my best friend Azaham had to ditch his foreign country work and came back home for good. My mind started to spin 360 degrees wondering what should I do with my residence here in KL?

Prior to all these, I have lost more than RM 60,000 when I bought a bungalow from my divorced cousin. But finally after 3 years of living there her bank asked for more money, about RM35,000 in addition of what I have invested. So I decided to let go of that bungalow and moved away. It was a big mess for me then. I had to let go of so much stuff from my house and finally I ended up in Azaham’s apartment.

We worked out some kind of an agreement between friends and there after, I started living at his apartment permanently while he was away living in Macau.

And now, another similar situation happens again. I decided to move out of his apartment and find my own terrace house to live. I believe this decision is for the best. Azaham needs his space and his apartment all to himself again. It is just not right for a 38-years-old guy like me still living under his roof and taking up his space and privacy.

Although we already traded a win-win situation for both of us, I still felt like a leech sucking his blood. After all we are all living in our own unique ways. He certainly would want to do things his own way with his apartment and this doesn’t need my approval because I am just living there now and he’s the owner.

I have found a decent terrace house for me that can fit all of my needs and requirements. The only small tiny things though, I have no furniture of any kinds at all. No kitchen stuff, no dining table, no living room set and no bedroom set. At first my other best friend Kamizi, was kind of sad that I have to move out from Azaham’s apartment because to all my friends, Azaham’s apartment was like my own place. They always call it Dwen’s place and not Azaham’s.

But since moving out require such an epic projects to fill up the new place, Kamizi with open hearted, more correctly and literally take me out for shopping and use up all his big credits credit cards and let me benefit from the installment plans that come with it. It is really a blessing to me because he put some scary common sense about buying for house hold furniture and stuff. He said we must think of it as a one time investment that we could use for a long time.

As Kamizi put it, it doesn’t matter whether this residence now is rented, in the near future I have to start thinking of buying my own place again. And these house hold furniture that I buy now must be of good quality that would last me a life time. Since Kamizi has just moved in to his new terrace house about a year ago, he has a lot of tricks up his sleeve. So I have lesser things to worry about when buying things! But now I am worried about one other thing; good quality house hold furniture that could last me a life time which also translated as expensive. This idea does get me to stare through an empty wall with cold sweats run down my forehead.

So far I have spent so much money which according to Kamizi’s prediction he is correct again. And now, there’s no turning back because most of the stuff that I need to fill up my new place, already been bought. Which also means that real soon; I will have to be a slave paying all these debts for the next 3 years.

There goes my cold sweats again….and there goes my designer bags once or twice or sometimes 5 times a year. Sigh!

I am a “fashionmista” guy. I live and breathe for fashion. However to Kamizi my fashion is a waste of money and no value of happiness to him. Clearly we have different views about what makes us happy. For me a Burberry tote bag gave me a subtle and instant comfort, happiness and a sense of self confident as soon as I step out of my house and end up among strangers in the mall. To Kamizi he just wants to live in his own comfortable house that has all the luxury of living. What happen out side of his home can be downsized to a minimal request.

The funny thing is somehow I want let go of my own way of life and go with Kamizi’s way instead. Maybe it is time for me to think of the most important needs that I should have; working towards getting my own house. And getting the right house hold furniture for my future home is my first step towards this idea.

Maybe kamizi is right all the way. It’s just that he’s not fun like me. He doesn’t enjoy art, fashion, music or entertainment as much as I do. But I am so grateful to have friends like Kamizi who is so much more than my own siblings and Azaham who is so much more than any friends I know.

So when it’s time to help each other, they just come and help me and I did the same to them too.

Magical Moon

2010-07-05T12:30:00.005+08:00

On the 27th June 2010, As I was at home doing nothing, this magical moon appeared in the night sky, shining bright behind dark clouds. I was lucky enough to have my Canon EOS 1000D camera with me at that moment. And so I changed the lens to a zoom 55-250mm lens and snaps a few photos.

These photos are as real as it was that night and I didn't do any editing at all to the original photos. The moon looks like it belongs in a Batman movie.

FULL MOON 01

FULL MOON 02

FULL MOON 03

My Gym Trend Lately

2010-06-16T15:27:00.005+08:00

I did not go to the gym for the whole month last month. It’s not that I cannot go actually I was kind of turned off to go to that XYZ Gym at KL. I lied to my friends when they ask me why I didn’t go to the gym. The real truth is I simply got bored of that place and the people that I see in that gym all the times. Whether I know them personally or strangers, pretty much I was already sick to see all their faces and literally just suck the energy out of my body.

I am kind of weird! I know from the very beginning that I do not like to make friends with the gym people or have any kind of friendship on a personal level with any of them. But I ended up having known a bunch of them anyway the way I expected. They became my friends and complicate my life. Really!

Pretty much when I am in the gym, I don’t socialize or even look at other people. I just don’t like for them to look at me either when I am forcing myself to push for each weight lifting or see my face suffer trying to push my own limits. The only people that I like to interact on a very minimal level are the staff and the Personal Trainers. That’s all actually!

It’s not that I am a stuck up person or anything like that. I just don’t see the need to be extra friendly to some eager-gediks-person and trap myself into making friends with someone I don’t really care just for the sake of being nice. I don’t want to be pretentious or lie to anyone. I really do not want to be friendly to anyone.

Call me the ugly duckling or the black sheep of the bunch for all I care. I have seen some of these gedik boys/girls making friends and how they carry themselves in the gym really want to make me vomit. Do you really need to wear such short hot pants, the kind that you would mistakenly think that they were going to the swimming pool and then doing some kind of a weird cat walking around the gym and make these cute smiles to strangers? Yuck! Despicable OK!

I suppose to these Gedik boys/girls the gym is their social club. The club that charge monthly fees, plays loud club music, offer free sodas with huge dance studios lead by Mother Hen that Gedik the most among all teaching everyone how to shake their humps. And it is also a courtyard of dream where they could catch someone or to show off their six packs or play the winking eyes games with fellow pathetic souls and find out who wins.

So, I stop going to that XYZ Gym at KL for a while until I forget all the Gedik Faces in there and for the time being I am going to all the other XYZ Gyms around KL such as Puchong, Damansara, PJ and Cheras. I am rotating my gym location on weekly basis. So far I like the gym at PJ the most, very spacious, clean and well lit.

I feel so free this way and I am not bothered by all these people so much anymore! However I don’t mind to be bothered by “Sharona” at the counter. She’s the only professional person I don’t mind putting up with. She’s so cool!

P/S: Definition of GEDIK (Pronounce like Gew-dick) This definition is taken from www.urbandictionary.com

A Malay word that describes someone(usually a girl or a gay boy) who acts in a slutty way but not to the extreme, it's kinda like a 'persuasive but cute' manner, where the 'cute' part is usually not from the heart. just check the e.g.

Boy : Hey, leave my noodles alone on that table!
Girl : Aww... can't I just have a little?~ pleaasee....
Boy : A simple "no, u can't"
Girl : aww pweaase~ pwettie pweaasee~ (puts finger on her lips and nods a little while staring straight to the boy's face)
Boy : Omg, u r sooo gedik

There Are Times. . . . . . . .

2010-06-16T12:59:00.000+08:00

There are times when I get so emotional I just cried my heart out alone in my room to let go of my wretchedness. They were many times when I cried so many tears in front of my cat Sultan, the only one truly understands me. He would sit beside me and showed me how much he cared and how much he wished he could say words of comfort for me. He stayed there right in front of me, stared at me with his big blue eyes without a blink.

There are times when I don’t have tears to cry anymore, I started to pour my heart out on a piece of paper. Sometimes after such sadness or pain struck my heart, writing consoles me and made me feel more contented. I know that my closest friends were wondering why sometimes I acted so bizarrely and became such irate little soul. Anyone would have understood more of me if they read what I write all the times.

There are times that I may be looked so strong and independent on the outside. But, on the inside I am all sensitive and mushy. I acted with such pride and confident and fool all the people that I love into thinking that I am good enough. I go astray with my direction in life and try to compensate the tragedy I had with awful behavior and harsh remarks to my own best friends. But I know that this is a wrong thing to act on and unwise judgment.

There are times when I just cannot do anything anymore but to let go. Nothing I can do to people out there with agenda to control or to manipulate me. I cannot push, tell, explain, advise or make them understands of my simple needs. They just go about pretending that they are with me when they are absent and careless about how I feel. They just want what they wish for or believe what they see when they neither open their eyes nor their heart.

There are times I wish for simple things in life and not the stars in the night sky to light my world. There are times I wish for you to just listen to what I say and feel what I feel and see me shed tears. There are times I wish for many things in return you give me conflicting.

There are many times things are just inexhaustible when I want it to stop.

My Funny Friend Named Yan

2010-06-03T19:24:00.000+08:00

This afternoon I received news from my good friend Yan that he's leaving for Hong Kong for good at the end of this month. He just got a job offer from one of the firms there. He tried to make things work for himself here in KL but the economy just too bad for him. When he told me he's leaving, suddenly I felt very sad and emotional that I am loosing one of my good, smart, matured and funny friends like Yan.

Among all of my friends, Yan is so much different. Even when he goes through tough times in life, he wouldn’t show any anger, frustrations or disappointment towards life. He has always been so positive and never stops to try new things and smiles like nothing ever hurt him. And the best part about Yan is he is the only one of my friends that can listen to my jokes and get it instantly. And he could remember so many jokes and tell me about it too. He is so much fun and smart!

Although we don’t get to spend time together so often, we keep in contact all the times through Facebook and telephone. I wish I could have spent more times with him though. I knew that he wanted to watch movies with me many times but I always end up with someone else in the theater. I felt like I have neglected him a little bit. It made me feel sadder that I could do this to my own dear friend.

I don't have many good friends but the one that I have are very exclusive and special. They are always around and supportive. Yup! We talked about each other behind our backs and discuss on things about each other. But hey....that's what makes us all special friends. We don't mean any harm or try to hurt one another. We just talk to each other and lend our shoulder to cry on and ears to listen to their problems or dissatisfaction. By the end of the day they are all used to improve our quality of friendship. That's all!

But one friend goes, there’ll be another coming. Is that true? Yes! That is true but no one holds a candle to Yan. I will tremendously miss his kind words, smart advices and warm company among other good things he posses. And I am sure he would want me to mention about his charming good looks as well.

New people don't mean that they are good but it means new things to discover and new sets of headache. And from what I have had for the past 10 years, not many 20-something friends out there who are willing to grow old together. Sometimes they are just too young to be matured. What came out from their mouth and seen through their actions are two different things. Too Bad! They don't know how to get rid of their anger or hate or ego for the sake of friendship. But they know that they are still young and they can go through so many friendship after getting rid of us before they decided to stick to a few of them for a long time.

Do they really know the meaning of friendship? Are they willing to forgive a friend and move on with the friendship like nothing happen? Things happened for a reason. It is an unwritten guideline of friendship for future reference. It’s the dos and don’ts of our very own friendship. Over the years, you’ll understand better of your friends and learn which are best to preserve the friendship.

To Yan, thank you for all your kind words of advice and always been there for me with no conditions applied. I bid you farewell and the best of luck in your career. I will tremendously miss you and we shall just keep in contact through Facebook, emails and telephone until we meet again someday.

Take care of yourself my friend.

Have I Grown Up?

2010-05-25T19:15:00.003+08:00

Mostly when I write something it’s because I was angry at someone or something. There’s always something about dissatisfaction that fuel me to such epic eruptions. Usually, when this happens I would normally able to express my feelings like a blaze of fire. I got too wrapped up in my own drama mess.

I have this short temper that I inherit from my late father. I love him so much but this part of him has become a part of me that I do not like. I can see how I become so much more like him everyday, as I am getting older.

I get impatient when I do things and started to rush on doing my chores. And if I screw it up I get so angry at myself and started to curse and call myself stupid, idiot and all the mean nouns. There are times when I literally hit my head with things that can hurt me. To some point, I felt uncontrollable with my own anger. It was more like a self punishment kind of thing and I seldom do this to other people. Unless I was provoked, cornered or badgered with issues that really bothers me.

Sometimes I thought was it because I really wanted to be perfect at everything that I become some kind of mental and full of anger at myself for my failures? The bad thing is that the small little things that got me so angry and not the big ones. It was almost on the verge of being pathetic than psychotic.

I was told by someone really close to me at one time. She said that sometimes we become cold, impatient, full of resentment, anger and bitterness towards life because our hearts had become dull and lost due to distance from Allah and religion.

I sort of agree to this! I remember how my level of devout has been on a rollercoaster ride pretty much all these years. The rule of thumb is, when I am in trouble and need help, I will be back to my praying mat and started giving it at least 3 times a day.

Even when I am in trouble I failed to give my requested 5 times a day of praying discipline. So what happen when everything is on a roll and no disaster? This is when I started to get free and easy on the praying and focus more on my pathetic daily life. I will surely be burned in hell for all the sins and bad things I did. But how far will I allow myself to go on an on without realizing the importance of living as a devout Muslim? Until some life and death situations comes at my door and leave me with a package of no more options?

I have seen some of my friends faced this situation and drastically forced to change their lifestyles. From drinking wine for breakfast in the morning to passed out at 11.00pm after 5 glasses of wine on a daily routine to praying 5 times a day no matter where and how difficult the situations are, he still find a place to pray. At least the good side of getting bad news is we got second chance to correct our life and become a better person. Consider that life and death package was a special-warning-delivery from God to make us realize how small we are and how short life can be.

Sometimes I get so jealous of some people who get to jet set everywhere all over the world. Get to see other countries, enjoying clubbing in New York, sipping café latte on the road side of Paris Café, shopping at Oxford Street, taking a boat ride along the Sydney Opera House and so much more. But the things that I have come to realized all these years, after all the disappointments and jealousness towards my jet setting friends, life is not what it seems actually. There are more to life than just a beautiful picture with an Eiffel Tower in the back ground on their Facebook.

Generally, people just love to tell their beautiful romance stories and enjoy watching other people awe at them. But the truth behind these colorful pictures and beautiful smiles is like the crumbs that swept under the carpet. Nobody knows the dark side content behind that perfect cover they portray.

It is true that nothing last forever and the best things that we have are the things that we have and not what other people have. Comparing me to my other friends who get to enjoy everything that I dream and make it their reality is just not fair to me.

God definitely has plans for everyone. And when something bad or good happens, I couldn’t help but wonder, when is it going to end and what’s going to come out next? So that’s why I stop myself from feeling sorry for not able to enjoy the things that other people have. I make my own happiness and my own set of rules. Not really strict rules but something that has loop holes here and there so that I could make changes as and when I need to without restrictions that could bind me to the floor or put me in a guilty bin.

The thing is after all these notions and emotions laid out in the open, have I grown up to be a better person? I think the answer is yes! I realized now how life go, who to forgive, what to forget and how I could find my own peace when something bad strike me right in my heart. By the end of the day, one cannot be too rigid on his or her own set of strict morale code. So rigid that it was fueled by ego and hate.

I surely do not want to be like the person that I used to when I was 25 years old. Back then I was so naïve, empty and bland. I was depending on my older or superior friends to make decisions for myself; it came down to the smallest detail such as what my hair styles should be like. Absolutely no back bone, limping and so fragile!

I think now is the era where I start sharing with people what it’s like to be a mature adult and know what I am doing. And I actually know the real meaning of the word “been there, done that”. It is such a cliché but its all valid now in my own vocabulary of life.

Yes! I have grown up!

RUMAH IMPIAN, IMPIAN TERLEPAS

2010-05-21T13:06:00.001+08:00

Pagi tadi semasa aku tengah drive nak pergi kerja, aku berangan lagi mengenai rumah impian aku. Hentahlah, aku selalu berangan nak memiliki rumah yang cantik, ada laman yang luas di sebelah rumah untuk aku berkebun dan melepaskan kucing-kucing kesayangan aku.

Tetapi bila aku fikir semula reality kewangan aku sekarang dengan umur aku yang hampir mencecah 40 tahun ini, aku rasa sampai mati pun aku tak kan merasa tinggal didalam rumah yang cantik and luas seperti yang diidamkan.

Lebih kurang 5-6 tahun dulu, aku beli sebiji rumah bangalo dari sepupu aku Liza and Affendi. Mereka bercerai, jadi rumah yang mereka baru beli bersama terpaksa dijual. Selepas aku melihat bangalo tu di Lavender Heights, Senawang, Aku terus jatuh cinta dan beli property itu. Semuanya berjalan lancar, aku keluarkan wang simpanan aku, bayar 10% dari harga rumah itu dan tidak lama kemudian aku pun pindah masuk bersama dengan Chomel, Sultan dan Cotton.

Tetapi tanpa kusedari, rupanya, sepupu aku dan ex-suami dia tak pernah bayar satu sen pun ke bank mereka setiap bulan sebelum aku masuk dan hutang mereka dengan bank menjadi bertimbun-timbun…selepas dua tahun aku dok disana, dan selepas aku berbelanja melebihi RM60,000 terhadap rumah idaman aku itu, aku dihalau keluar. Sebabnya, pihak bank tidak boleh beri hak sepenuhnya rumah itu kepada aku melainkan aku tambah sebanyak RM30,000 lebih lagi kepada bank. Mana aku nak korek duit lagi?

Aku menjadi buntu dan merasa sungguh sedih, sesal dan kecewa dengan semua nie sebab aku terpaksa bakar segala pelaburan aku kat rumah tu begitu sahaja. Dalam sekelip mata aku dari berumah Banglo menjadi homeless. Selepas 2 tahun menginap dirumah itu, aku keluar dan menumpang tinggal di rumah Azaham di Seri Kembangan.

Sudah nasib aku macam ni, aku terima sahaja dan teruskan kehidupan. Tetapi selepas beberapa tahun tinggal di apartment Azaham, aku sudah mula rasa terasing dan sedih semula. Aku ingin tingal di rumah aku sendiri. Aku tak boleh duduk dirumah orang dah. Dah tak larat tinggal di rumah kawan yang aku tak boleh buat apa-apa pun. Aku tak boleh ubah suai rumah ini. Aku tak boleh letak kucing2 kesayangan aku. Aku tak boleh gantung lukisan dan hiasan di dinding. Store room pun kena kemas sentiasa dan aku terpaksa punggah kotak-kotak yang sudah disusun rapi bila aku nak ambil apa-apa. Semuanya dah tak seperti dulu, free and easy orang kata.

Aku tak boleh buat sesuka hati aku. Aku menumpang belas kasihan seorang kawan. Aku menggunakan kemudahan yang dimiliki oleh orang. Aku terasa seperti seorang parasit diatas dahan pokok yang indah. Hidup sementara dan tiada masa depan.

Aku tersekat dengan batasan aku sendiri…kewangan. Aku sekarang dok membayar hutang yang beribu-ribu setiap bulan di atas kesilapan aku yang dahulu dan tak mampu untuk menyimpan walau seratus pun untuk masa tua aku. Aku hidup dari bulan ke bulan disetiap bulan. Setiap sen gaji aku semuanya sudah ada tempat yang akan “dicampak” kan. Aku rasa hati aku sebak dan sebu! Aku tidak sedih tetapi rasa buntu dengan hutang yang tiada hentinya.

Aku tahu perbelanjaan aku agak “berlebihan” selalu. Orang akan cakap daripada beli Beg Burberry yang berharga seribu ringgit, lebih baik letak di dalam ASB dan biarkan dia beranak sendiri dihujung tahu. Memang betul, aku dengan designer taste aku, CK, Burberry, Zara, Prada, Gucci, tralili-tralala….semuanya pembaziran. What can I say?

Tetapi kalau aku fikir semula, tak logic kalau aku kerja kuat setiap bulan untuk membayar hutang piutang sahaja seumur hidup aku. Betul tak? Takkan aku tak boleh nak hiburkan hati, buat retail therapy sebagai “hadiah” ke atas situasi aku yang dah already merunsing kan ini. Life is too short to just look at beautiful things and walk away. I want to have them in my possession and enjoy them. I do! Kadang-kadang aku rasa sungguh enjoy dan puas hati selepas aku beli jacket Calvin Klein koleksi yang paling latest kat KLCC. Aku rasa puas sampai kan termimpi-mimpi.

Kalau beli designer beg, lagi lah. Aku rasa macam nak tidur dengan Beg baru tu. Tetapi aku selalunya akan sorok kan semua designer goods aku yang baru di atas almari aku. Sebab aku tak mahu kawan2 aku nampak yang aku ada “benda” baru ini. Aku tak suka kalau dorang fikir yang aku ni kaya. Aku tak kaya, aku cuma tidak takut untuk berbelanja. Itu sahaja. And I know that I deserve it!

Aku tau dengan cara ini juga membuatkan aku tidak putus asa dengan segala hutang piutang di bank yang tiada hentinya dengan interest yang beranak pinak. At least aku rasa terhibur sekali sekala dengan pembelian yang cantik dan berharga.

Mungkin satu hari nanti aku akan end up dengan designer bags aku sahaja dan aku terpaksa bungkus-bungkus kan nya jadikan rumah. Sebab kalau aku fikirkan semula harga2 beg aku tu, dah berpuluh ribu aku berbelanja. Hanya bank sahaja yang tahu!

Tetapi my ultimate dream is to have my own home. A beautiful house for me, my loving cats and my beautiful orchids. But for now, semuanya masih blur, masih berkabus dan masih jauh dari harapan aku.

My clock is ticking but I am stuck!

What Is The Meaning Of Best Friends?

2010-05-14T19:20:00.004+08:00

I have known my best friends Kamizi and Azam since the past 19 years. Back then when we were in the University, we were so naïve about life. But we learn to grow out of anger and frustrations against each other and learn to accept who we were. Yes we have grown to be so much different now compared to when we first met. But University kept us together without a choice to abandon one another and realized how important our friendship could be by the end of the day.

We used to hate each other so much, very competitive, secretive and above all gossiping about each other all the times. But regardless all negative sides of each other we knew somehow, subconsciously that we were meant to be together for a long time. After years of knowing and living together, we learn to let go of small little things and know which button not to be pushed.

Being an expert on each other or on your friendships with your best friends for a very long time doesn’t happen overnight. But the thing that you must always have to get the best friend like mine is, never give yourself a choice to let go. Make it like for better and for worse kind of situation. Because once you give yourself that choice, your friendship will not last! You will end up with that option and run away from your problems or disowned them as your friends.

There are so many coward angry friends out there. And these people will not have the balls to face their friends when shit happens. These friends will be more likely choose to throw away than to fix broken things. Time spends and investments on each other suddenly become meaningless when ego take control the center of their world.

To these friends out there, do not let yourself be deluded, shallow, hateful, bitter or revengeful. Forgive and forget is a noble things to do for your friends. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. There are more important things in life than to be angry at other people all the times.

I once heard a wise monk said, “You cannot fill up a cup when it’s already full.” Or did I see that in the movie 2012? Anyhow, no matter where it came from, it has a strong message behind it. Sometimes, when you are so angry you close all possible ways for your friends to come back at you. And you become self righteous and self centered. You thought you know it all! But no matter what you do, try to keep an open mind. Empty your cup and let other people pour some tea in it without spill.

As you add numbers to your age, things will definitely get more complicated but you will see things clearer and understands life better. The issues that you didn’t understand when you were 20-something will be much easier to digest when you are 30-something. That’s why people always advice us to follow the elderly advices.

And when we were young and naïve we didn’t understand our Parents problem. And they often hide things from the children anyway. Suddenly, 15 years after that the truth came out that our loving and happy parents were in fact the opposite all those years. But they managed to keep a great acting for the children’s sake. Suddenly, we found out that we have step mother and step siblings. This happens to a lot of my friends. Not one or two friends, like more than 5 of my friends.

So what happened to them when a secret so huge like this came out in the family? You learn to live with it. Why? Because no matter how much you hate the facts, your parents are still your flesh and blood. You will keep seeing them in years to come. Eventually your hate will wear out of you. So why keep so much hatred for so long and waste energy on it when you know eventually someday it will be gone?

Our flesh and blood is something that we don’t get to choose. No matter how bad things get, we still have to live with each other. This is also what happened to best friends. They have become siblings and much more.

So stop burning your bridges and look deep in yourself. Is it really worth it to cut out your friends away when you already called them your best friends? Do you know now what is the meaning of having best friends?

Dwen FIMO Floral Jewelry

2010-05-11T18:53:00.024+08:00

Right after I graduated from Hawaii Pacific University in 1997, I started off my career in Jewelry Designs for Forever Hawaiian Creations in Honolulu. It was such a wonderful experienced to start my career doing the things that I adore. I have always love art and flowers and I could apply these two things into my FIMO Jewelry designs.

Below are some of my designs that I have made in the past.

The Exotic Pink Torch Ginger Large Earrings. Also known as Bunga Kantan in Malaysia.

Cluster of Hawaiian Favorite Flower made into Extra Large Earrings. Green Pakalana Flower, White Gardenia and Fushia Dendrobium Orchid.

Extra Large Brooch of Black Feather with White Phalaenopsis Orchid in the Center.

Extra Large Brooch of Hawaiian Favorite Flowers; Orange Pua Kenikeni, Purple Crownflower and Red Hibiscus.

Hawaiian forever favorite flower, The Tahitian Gardenia or also known as Tiare in Tahiti. This is my version of Tiare in Large size Earrings.

Medium Earrings of Cattleya Orchid.

The Exotic Rafflesia flower on a bed of leaves made into a Necklace with matching earrings of green leaves.

Multi Color Randa Necklace

Green Phalaenopsis Violacea Necklace and Matching Earrings. This necklace designed for NTV7 models for AIM 2005.

Blue Plumbago Necklace with Semi Precious Stones and Matching Earrings.

Change of Weather

2010-05-08T13:50:00.000+08:00

I have always enjoyed watching Sex And The City HBO series on my DVDs. That series show a lot about the truth of life, love and relationship of single girls and boys in big cities with lots of humor to tone down the seriousness. Although that series pretty much based on women’s point of view but despite it all the issues are still real. I could relate to them all so vividly. Men or women, we are not much different at all.

Friends and families around me are all constantly going through problems and constantly battling their fate for a better life. But there are also some of us who are in control of our own life and get to choose who we want to be. These who thought in control of their lives often turned out to be cocky and proud owner of their own little souls. Little do they know that they are actually destined for the same fate as the rest of us too.

Life works in their mysterious ways. The minute we became so arrogant of who we were things started to shift, split and became a new level. The rules that we make up all these while suddenly changed and adapted to new lifestyles and options. None of the previous rules apply anymore and the things that we loathed before this suddenly become the latest trend that we live in. It is so quick how life recycle itself.

I know one guy who used to be dating blondes only and looked down on the local girls. How he would never find himself with a Malaysian girl as though these girls has contagious disease. He claimed that he didn’t want to be with any local girls because he didn’t want to be with anyone’s ex. He thinks that Local KL girls are a bunch of leftovers and go around from one relationship to another for one too many. I thought that was an ego issues on his side and not the girls’ issues.

Eventually after so many years, I could see how he has changed and “down grade” his level of preference to Asians girls. He has realized how the difference in values between Asians and Western girls started giving him problems and limit his lifestyles. The truth is how can an Asian that is full of cultures and traditional customs trying to adapt the lifestyles of the Westerners.

Physically the blondes would win the look contest but in terms of inner values, the Asians are more compatible and much easier to live with. Eventually we got use to the beauty of our own people and realize that beauty is not how good your make-up looks but how beautiful your manners are. Have we forgotten where we live? Not in a four-seasoned country but in an all year round 35 degrees temperature country with so much diverse food and cultures all around; Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Another truth to be told is relationship is not about finding the right look for our eyes to feast. By the end of the day it all comes down to chemistry and how we could get along with the other person as a lover. What we want doesn’t apply anymore in the matter of love. Pretty much who we end up with and how can we make it work.

It feels good to see a friend that used to think so highly on the western people now changed his perceptions towards Malaysians and having a relationship with a Malay girl who he’s proud to call a girl friend in front of all our friends. Although the terms girlfriend often used loosely when he say it and sometimes he stills trying to make it a though it was the girlfriend who was so eager to label themselves, I forgive him for being that way. Eventually he will be less in denial.

I suppose people change in so many levels and it’s just a matter of time when they are going to change.

Wild Flowers & Animals in My Village

2010-05-05T14:02:00.008+08:00

I see this white star flower grow pretty much everywhere near my house.

I saw this fern growing everywhere around my house. Especially in a shaded cool rocky grown.

I saw this tiny little butterfly flying from one flower to another in the bushes. The actual size of this butterfly is about 1.5 cm only.

I saw this flower all around somebody's fence in my village. It could be the flower of some kind of a bitter gourd.

Another flower I saw growing wild in the bushes. I am sure this flower was introduced here and might have come from another place.

Wild Morning Glory flower. Blueish in color.

As I was walking around my house, I saw a Lizard about 2 feet long, walking around the bushes looking for food. I couldn't get a closer shot as it was afraid of me and might run away.

Giant Squirrel, Yellowish Gold in Color about the size of house cat. It was too high on the Langsat tree right next to my house. My camera cannot zoom so far away. This is the best shot I could get of it.

MOM's FORGOTTEN KAMPONG HOME

2010-05-03T11:23:00.000+08:00

Ever since my mother had broken bones in her thigh several years ago, she was unable to walk since then. After several years, she accepted this disappointing fate and started living from one place to another, from Kak Yah’s house at Bandar Tasik Selatan to Kak Ni’s house at Gemenchech and now been living permanently at Fizah’s apartment at Desa Tasik.

My sisters used to take turns taking care of her but not anymore. Mom is finally living with Fizah now as Fizah is still single and living in her own rented apartment which I paid half of the rent and fully furnished the apartment to give comfort for mom.

It has been a long time since her last visit back to her beloved home at Kampung Gedok, Gemenchech. This is the very house that we 7 siblings grew up since my grandfather retired from being a Custom Officer in 1970.

For months my mom has been nagging at Fizah to go back home but she has been giving Mom excuse due to financial restrictions and also couldn’t live apart from her fiancé. So the minute I found out that she wanted to go back Kampong, I half-heartedly agreed to sacrifice my colorful weekend activities for her instead.

As we drove back to Kampong, I realized how my mom was so eager to reach her home. As we reaching closer to Kampong I could see the glow of excitement in her eyes. But she has always been a very reserved and quiet person. She would not speak her minds to us. She’s not the kind of person that would be so talkative or even social. Mom would only talk whenever she needs to or when she has something important to say or ask.

Now that she’s over 70’s, frail and on wheel chair most of the times, she enjoys her quiet life alone. Pretty much nowadays she would wake up early in the morning and then enjoys the company of Kak Yah for her daily visits of bringing breakfast and lunch. At around 11.30 or so Kak Yah would go home. At 1 pm Fizah comes home for lunch with her. Sometimes when I am not busy running around town doing my errands, I would join lunching with her too or sometimes just a quick visit to see her.

In between our visits throughout the day, she would just watch TV or lying down resting in her room. Kampung is a much needed diversion from her boring daily brick view of Fizah’s apartment. She needs a change of scenery from artificial to organic view of her familiar territory. Mom’s wooden Limas-styled kampong house is surrounded by Rambutan, Langsat, Mangoesteen, Mangoes, Pomelos, Coconut, Durian, Rose apple and Chiku trees.

This house is her private fruit gardens for the past 40 years. However, since most of the neighbor houses are also inhabited for the past 10 years and visited by families during holidays only, wild monkeys have taken over the whole village and invaded our homes. A lot of broken roof, pipes and not much of fruits left during fruit season.

Despite these broken things around the house and lesser fruit trees around, this is still a true home for her forever. I realized how important it is for us to bring her back home to her kampong house once in a blue moon for her to see and feel alive. This home holds so much fond memories and brought so much joy and happiness in her life.

I could still remember how I used to live in this house when I was a kid with my grandparents and us all living under the same roof having dinner together every night. It was so wonderful and irreplaceable.

If I were her, I would be the same too. I have neglected her for too much. I am too wrapped up in my own stupid life. Getting distracted with petty little things that come my way and forget to repay all her sacrifices for us all.

I hope she can forgive me!

HOME. . . . . .Where Are You?

2010-04-23T09:16:00.002+08:00

Suddenly I felt like I want to make a quick pit stop at my blog today.
Dear Blog…..Funny that I have never used this expression before. But now seems kind of appropriate for me to pour my heart out to my blog because this is the only true thing that listens and never complaints back at me.

Just last night the owner of my apartment came home for good and living back in his own apartment. Before this he was working overseas. Somehow or rather I already felt that things will come to an end for me to live in His apartment. I have been living there for the past 4 years or more by myself with occasional visits from him every time he gets the chance to come back for a holiday.

And just recently I started bring back my cats home to clean them up and sometimes to accompany me for the weekend or for the whole week. The cats seemed to enjoy this occasional trip back home before I brought them back to the office, which is their permanent home.

A few weeks before this, I already sent back my cats back to the office and cleaned up the apartment. Vacuuming, dusting, rearranging and mopping the whole place. But I still left Castie (3 months old) in a cage at home. Whenever I am home, I will release Castie from his cage to play around with me. She has this habit of following me around the house. She thinks I am her mother as I have been feeding her milk with a bottle since she was a tiny little baby. I enjoy having her around when I am home. She annoys me sometimes with her noisy whine, but I know that we love each other so much. It felt really nice when a tiny little soul like Castie depending her life on me unconditionally.

I always keep her cage clean especially last night, when He is home. And guess what? After a few hours at home He complained that the cage is smelly and suggested that I moved it upstairs. To my standard, and I am not having stuffy nose with a flu right now, I know that cage was acceptably clean and odor free. Suddenly, I was knocked out of my comfort zone and realized what a particular and picky person He could be. Quickly I responded to Him that I would put Castie in my office as she is strong enough to be independent now.

I felt sad for Castie and I felt sad for myself too. But my hands are tied. This may lead to something bigger in the near future. Now I want to live in my own place to do whatever I want with it and nobody gonna say nothing about it.

FREEDOM is the word. I don’t think I will be happy living in a place with Him watching my every move and telling me what to do. To me a home should be practical and not like a freakin’ show room where you have to keep everything squeaky clean, dust-free 24-7 and decorated with fake plastic plants. A place with no soul no life, like a hotel room where everybody comes and goes and nothing stays.

I will go. . . . . .

Support Malaysian Movie!. . . . . . . . .Should I?

2010-03-16T15:08:00.006+08:00

Last Saturday I went to Alamanda Shopping Mall at Putrajaya for my weekly ritual Retail Therapy and R&R. Among other shops that I walked into was this local franchise Music & DVD Retail shop on the Lower Ground Floor. I buy Movie DVDs all the times and I just couldn’t resist to just ignore this shop whenever I see one.

In just 30 minutes I already ended up with 4 DVDs in my hand; JAWS-Special Edition, Aquamarine, Coco Avant Chanel and Talentime. I have been meaning to buy Talentime for a long time because I didn’t get the chance to watch that movie in the cinema. The review about Talentime movie was very interesting and good. Arwah Yasmin Ahmad was well known for putting together interracial issues of Malaysia, the cultures and the religions in one movie. And I have seen her previous movies such as Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin and Muallaf in the cinemas and own the DVDs as well. And so I was so excited to watch this movie in my living room.

Quarter ways down the movie, then I started to realized that I cannot understand a damn thing of what the Indian family in this movie was talking about. I started looking for the Subtitle button on my Pioneer remote control. I checked and checked many times in different ways if I have missed any button or anything that make the subtitle gone missing. Then I realized for real that this movie has no subtitle provided. And it’s a DVD for God sake!

I kept thinking that it would be a real shame if this movie does not provide subtitles. Finally I read on the back cover of the DVD and it doesn’t say anywhere that this movie has subtitles. But it’s written there that the language was Bahasa Malaysia. Even this they cannot get it right! Through out the movie, 3 languages were spoken through; Bahasa Malaysia, English and Tamil. Not just Bahasa Malaysia language. WHY CAN’T THEY GET THIS RIGHT?

It’s a real shame to this movie! Rather than I get annoyed guessing what the Indian Family was chatting about through out the movie, I decided to press the STOP button on my remote control and replaced Talentime DVD with COCO Avant Chanel Movie.

I was shocked and deeply disappointed with this unfortunate issue. Then again I told to myself, this is a very typical problem of Malaysian products in general. There’s always something stupid that would come out from it. It was half way done and I cannot believe that no one from the production of Talentime even care to put the subtitles. This is so sad!

Very little Malaysian speaks Tamil and to convey such beautiful message about how different cultures and religion in Malaysia lives through this movie without subtitles is one STUPID and LAZY move. I don’t think it was that hard to come out with the subtitles as the cinema version already had subtitles. Even the counterfeit DVDs that they sell at Pasar Malam have subtitles. Although most of the times it wasn’t a perfect translation but still they took all the effort to put subtitles anyway in those RM5 Hollywood Movies.

I was very disappointed with this “halfassed” production. Never again I buy a Malaysian Movie that is done to rip me off like this. It’s not about the money. Telentime DVD only cost me RM 19.90 and I buy DVDs that cost RM 59.90 all the times. But the one thing that I expect from a DVD is to have beautiful flawless pictures, a decent good sound, subtitles and maybe some bonus features. That’s all!

I mean, not only they didn’t put subtitles for us to understand the Tamil Language conversations, there were no special features what so ever on top of that. So why should I even bother to buy Malaysian Movie next time? This movie wasn’t that great, but I wanted to support Malaysian Products so every once and a while when I came across an OK Malay Movies, I buy them because I want them to grow and make money for their hard work and make a better productions next time.

But I guess, I better to just stick to Hollywood or foreign movies that has multi-language subtitles and even put a little extra bonus features in the DVD version.

So don’t come complain to me asking why I didn’t support Malay Movies. I did but I got disappointed for one too many!

NEVER Trust Anyone: The Story Of How I Lost My Cat Named Snow

2010-03-04T16:20:00.010+08:00

There are numerous occasions that I just forget to be critical of the people that came through to me. I let myself trust these people and I thought that would be good. But a lot of times when I gave these people the one thing that is most important in a friendship, trust! I ended up with a big lost on my hand.

Sometimes in the early December 2009, my friend Sam called and messaged me in my Facebook telling me that his friend named Adam interested to mate his female Black-colored Persian cat named Darla with my White Persian named Snow.

I often put the photos of my 4 cats in Facebook as they are my life and joy. This is how people see how adorable they are. I have been keeping them closer than a family for years and years. Snow is a four year old cat, was born on the 20th January 2006 from a Tortoise-colored Persian name Putri. However Snow did not inherit the color of Putri’s fur, instead he is white as a snow just like his father, a cat that belongs to my neighbor at our previous home at Lavender Heights, Seremban.

Among Snow’s siblings, Snow is the oldest and possessed such a long fur and a tough bone structure. Compared to a normal cat, Snow is quite huge in size.

However, one working day, Sam and Adam came to my office to get Snow back to Adam’s apartment to be living temporarily with Darla, hoping that Darla would get pregnant by Snow. Initially, Adam said that he could just come and take Snow and would not bother me with anything. I thought that idea was quite weird because Adam offered me no invitation to his apartment. So I told him straight that I would be so uncomfortable to just let him take Snow and not knowing where he’s taking him. Just to be safe, I thought!

So I followed Adam and Sam back to Adam’s apartment to see where he lives and so forth. Thinking that should there be any problem later, at least I know now where Adam lives and I could just take Snow back. I thought that should be secure enough for my doubt and skeptical about this whole arrangement.

On the 3rd week of Snow living at Adam’s, I decided to pick him back home. So I SMS Adam and told him my intention. A few days after that on the 30th of December, Adam called me right after 2 pm, told me that Snow is missing from his apartment and feared dead.

He said that his friends wanted to come and see the cats and realized that Snow was not in the room and that the balcony sliding door was slightly opened. With such shocking news from Adam, I called Sam and told him about the situation. I was hoping that I would get some kind of help and protection from Sam. But I told Sam not to come instead. When I got to the lobby front entrance of Adam’s apartment, he was waiting there with his four friends (a girl and 3 guys). I thought to myself, why would his friends be there? Then he explained that his friends were there to help him looked for Snow. Yeah! Whatever! And so I thought to myself!

So we went around the parking lot and concluded that if Snow jumped off from the balcony, he wouldn’t be dead or injured at all as the balcony is only 7 feet high and there are grass and bushes of plants right under the balcony.

Adam said that Bangladeshi’s Security guy said to have seen a huge white cat with blood gushing out from his mouth, dying by the parking lot early that morning. And by around 10am, he said the cleaning lady already cleared the dead cat and threw it in the trash can. By 11am, the trash truck came picked up all the garbage. No trace of Snow ever and all Adam had to prove was this questionable stain of blood which was already dried up and almost clean from the floor behind the parking lot. There is no gushing-blood stain any where. Only trails of stains that could be blood or could be spits of Sirih because the cleaning ladies were Indians.

After searching for nothing in the parking lot, I went to Darla’s room. Adam said when Darla gave birth to kittens later, he will give me two of them to me. I said that would be in the uncertain future and I don’t care for the kittens. I care a lot more for Snow than anything else. I was thinking that if Adam stole Snow from me, would he have the integrity to give me the kittens? I didn’t think so!

I started to feel really sad as I see no evident of dead Snow. My gut instinct told me that Snow is still alive and he could be living in someone else’s living room now. Even to this day, I still feel that Snow was stolen from me and not dead.

After the incident, I realized that Adam offered me no consolation, neither courtesy call nor SMS to comfort for my lost or to apologize for his negligence. Right after I left, he completely shut me out. No communication at all. Based on these facts and after telling numerous cat owners and animal lover, they were all agreed on one thing, Adam is a cat thief! They said that Adam has grown fonder of Snow and couldn’t let him go. So he faked a death, but he has no strong proved of Snow’s Death what so ever. I figured he was afraid that I would take Darla in replacement for my missing Snow, so he brought his “support group” to be around us when we looked for Snow.

The whole thing was really suspicious! Somehow I knew from the start that there was something not right with Adam’s character. And he knew damn well that the sliding door inside Darla’s room cannot be opened when Snow was there because I made it very clear to him about this. But he turned around and made this as the point of reason of how Snow got out from the room. He said his “housemate” opened the sliding door and he didn’t realize it. Frankly, I don’t think his “housemate” was that stupid! Frankly I was the fool for not being able to do anything for Snow.

After a very long while, finally last night Adam MMS me a photo of a dead cat. In the MMS Adam wrote, “Ths pic baby Darla, but sory dh mati. So sad”. 2nd SMS “Sekor..warna htam tu. I rasa tkilan dn sdih..darla x pandai jaga anak”. 3rd SMS “Ari khamis ari tu, I nk beritahu u tapi I krusus”. Last SMS “X..Housemate I ada kat rmh..I blik kg trus..smlm bru blik..dpt mms anak dia? I hanyutkan body kt sg tmpt cat I yg mati”

I sent Adam one last SMS after his 4th SMS, “Hmm! OK lah tu. I think I yg really should be sad n angry in this whole ordeal. Ikutkan rule, u yg kena letak Darla kat tempat I to get pregnant. Tp sekarang kucing I hilang n anak dia pun u x bleh bg kat I pun. Tgk pun x de. You still got Darla n probably more and I end up with nothg. I don’t see u try to comfort me or offer anything for your negligent. Not even sms saying sorry pun x pernah. No coutesy to me whatsoever. But u know what, x pelah Adam. I pun x kenal u lansung. Tulah kesilapan besar I.”

Adam didn’t reply to my last SMS. I also forwarded a copy to Sam. Sam replied this SMS to my Facebook.

Well, after this incident, I have learnt a great deal of lesson. Never ever to trust anyone, not even a friend, let alone a friend to a friend. I thought that if Sam introduced his friend Adam to me, Adam must be a good person. This is a given fact because I trusted Sam. I have no reason to be suspicious of a friend. And Sam would make a good reference to anyone.

Well I thought WRONG. I was so wrong about this whole thing. I lost something valuable because I thought someone would be honoring back my sincerity and honesty to them. I was a FOOL!

To Snow, I am so sorry for letting this happened to you right under my nose. Where ever you are my darling, dead or alive, I believe in Karma of life.

To Adam Kamaruddin, just remember that what goes around comes around!

Friends, Lovers, Relationship and Love

2009-12-17T10:39:00.001+08:00

For the past almost 12 months in 2009, a lot has happened to me, to my friends and to my friend’s friends and to the people that has stopped calling me friends.

People come and go! Nothing you can do about people who already made up their mind on leaving. Forcing them to stay would be insincere and they will rebel out later. And there’s no need to keep fighting till the last draw to satisfy our principles. Better to just let it flow and let it go. Hopefully someday they will realize that it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right or who’s leaving who. Time will heal our broken heart and cool us down eventually.

Just remember, the rule of the nature is once a door is closed, a window will be opened. That’s when new people will start to show up too. However, do we need to start collecting new friendships or should we try working harder to fix the broken ones? There’s an expiry date on everything and that includes our friends. It doesn’t matter how many times we can fix our broken trust or broken relationship, we will reach a point when it’s beyond repair altogether. That’s when we should stop and move on.

I am not saying we should give up on someone altogether. It’s just that sometimes it’s best to put that “missing” person in a “Recycle Bin” and let it brew in there for a while so that we can evaluate the situation. At the same time we just put on a big smile and do the daily chores. I am sure the ex will re-appear or cross path with you again in the future.

Someday, when we have decided to move on and fill the vacancy with a new candidate to make our lives happier and filled with joy, one must remember that past is past. Live your life now and plan for tomorrow.

There are times when we accidentally see the photos of our lover’s ex-lover or our enemy, try not to make a big deal out of someone’s past. If the “ex-file” is tucked away deep underneath the bed collecting dust or saved away in some unknown files in the computer, just let it be. Let it go! There’s no need to feel insecure about the history. Unless that ex-file is in a frame hang on the wall or by the bed-side lamp, then you should do something about that.

Past experienced and memories are the valuable things that made who we are today. We learned from mistakes and broken hearts. Every time we failed on something, we cocoon ourselves and emerged as a new person like a butterfly. Beautiful or not, that is not important. But the main thing is we correct ourselves and be more cautious so it won’t repeat again in the future.

I have learnt how to let go of things and to expect less of someone. I have learnt how to do my own things and be happy on my own before I can be happier with someone else.

Friends should have some basic courtesy to tell and communicate fairly with each other. But no one is tied up with another unless you are married. So be free to do your own thing but we must let go of our selfishness and be kind to others. Do not play politics with your friends to advance your agendas. Politic will make sweet friendship turn to sour and complicate lives.

On the other hand, we cannot force people to return our kind favor. Expectation will kill your happiness. You will loose your coolness when the expected is not coming because waiting will only make the time goes bye very slowly. You’ll be exhausted and disappointed. Life is too short to just keep waiting!

Whatever happens sometimes, we must look at things positively and try not to over react. Even the bad ones had a positive side to it. We just have to look at things in a different perspective. That’s all!

We live and we learn!

My Rooftop Garden

2009-12-15T15:07:00.028+08:00

The apartment that I am living now is actually a Penthouse. The upper floor is an open air private roof top that I can put all my plants there. The rooftop can be so hot at times and I have to make sure that I water the plants once a day if there's no rain.

A view of the sky. So Blue so beautiful with white marsh-mallow clouds.

Recently I bought an organic chicken shit fertilizer at a nursery inside Pasar Borong Selangor that I can put on all the plants. The fertilizer works wonderfully as I could see all my dying plants are growing back nicely.

Whenever my White Phalaenopsis is flowering, it will be placed inside my living room as a decoration. The flower normally will last almost a month

On my balcony, I put a pot of Ginger and Anthurium.

On the right is a Hawaiian fern known as Laua'e Fern in Hawaii. It is quite a popular plant that everyone grows and being used a lot in making Leis in Hawaii. In the middle of the picture is some of different colored Ti Leaf plant/Jenjuang/Cordyline Terminalis. On the left are my new Kedah Gardenia and Crape Jasmine.
This Anthurium was originally bought by my mother in Singapore in the 70's. She has been growing this Anthurium since before I was born. It is amazing that this plant can survive for so long. Since late 80's, I took over taking care of all her plants in my kampung and managed to keep some of her favorite ones alive until to this day.

My Kedah Gardenia (Gardenia Carinata Wallich) is also flowering.(Right Photo)I have been looking for this Gardenia since I first saw it in Hawaii quite many years ago. And a few months ago I saw it sold by a nursery near my house at Kinrara.

I have been keeping this Tiger Orchid (Grammatophyllum Speciosum) for more than 10 years. I hope someday it will flower for me. Seems like it will take another "forever" to flower though. Flower or not, I love it anyway as it has a sentimental value to me. My older sister Kak Nie used to work as a clerk at a Sawmill in Gemas, Negeri Sembilan. I told my sister to tell the truck drivers that brought back all the logs back to the sawmill to collect the wild orchids for me and they did. They brought back the Tiger Orchid and other wild orchids for me.

My Red Hibiscus and Bougainvillea are flowering nicely ever since I put the new organic fertilizer on them. Behind the Red Hibiscus is 2 pots of flowering Bamboo Orchid (Arundina Graminifolia).

Sultan My Son

2009-12-14T17:01:00.015+08:00

A year after I adopted Chomel from the Hawaiian Humane Society, I decided to adopt Sultan on 4th December 1998. He's a Snowshoe Breed. Sultan is such an adorable and intelligent cat. He has striking blue eyes, beautiful brownish shade of fur and cute white socks on his 4 feet.

A lot of people that have seen Sultan would say that Sultan is quite a huge size cat compared to the normal Tabby. Sultan is such a smart cat and snowshoe breed are known for being easily trained. Sultan would try to reach a door knob whenever he is trapped in a room. I suppose he has been watching me doing it. But of course he doesn't know how to turn the knob though.

Sultan can be very shy to strangers and doesn't like too many changes. But whatever I do to him or take him around, as long as I am there, he'll listen and obey me. Sultan is so loyal and loving cat. He requires quite an amount of attention from me though. Sometimes if I ignore him, he'll get mad and scream at me. He can make such a loud pitchy noise. To the point that I had no choice but to attend to him before my neighbors get annoyed.

I keep all my cats at my office as I have huge space for them to live in the kitchen area and back of the kitchen is a confine open air area with high wall. I can be with my cats at least 5 days a week at the office rather than keeping them at home and only get to see them at night.

Below are the portraits of Sultan when I took him back home for a few days for shower, manicure and pedicure a few weeks ago.

Sultan likes to pose for my camera. For some reason he doesn't mind me taking his photos. He will start doing his weird poses for my photo shoots.

Sultan is eating some Durian while Cotton is watching him. Durian is his favorite fruit. Sultan will instantly knows that I brought Durian home and start asking for some.

Sultan eating with the rest of the family. From left to right... Snow(White Persian), Sultan, Chomel and Cotton, watching me taking the photo.

Sultan sleeping right next to me while Chomel(Left) and Cotton (Right) jealous of him and trying to get my attention too.

Chomel My Loving Cat

2009-12-10T14:27:00.010+08:00

Chomel was born in June 1997. I Adopted Chomel from the Hawaiian Humane Society in December 1997. Chomel is just a normal Tabby Cat. She was the first cat I adopted and I named her Chomel because she was so cute and adorable the first time I saw her. And Chomel is a Malaysian word for Cute.

Now Chomel is already 12 years old or an equivalent of a 64 years old human.

Chomel is a very independent Cat. She's seldom making any noise or scream for attention. Whenever she's real hungry, she will come to me and rub her face. Otherwise she will just go about do her thing catching insects or just sleep the whole day.

I shampoo Chomel 2 days ago to clean her up and get rid of her flea problems. And now she's all happy and smells like a petunia. Below is the portraits of Chomel.

My Gardenias are Blooming

2009-12-08T13:46:00.018+08:00

KEDAH GARDENIA / RANDA:

The first time I saw this Gardenia exist was when I bought the book title Flora Of Malaysia by David T. Jones. I was so excited to find out about Kedah Gardenia or Randa in our gardens. And the scientific name of this gardenia is Gardenia Carinata. And mostly Randa is commonly found grown by the road side along the highways as huge tree.

I saw a tree of Randa flowering at the edge of a forest at my home town Gemencheh, Negeri Sembilan a few years back. If it didn't flower, I wouldn't know that was Randa though. The part that I love about Randa more than the other siblings of gardenias is that the flower changes color from Creamy White to Yellow to Orange in 3 days time. So when they are flowering, the whole tree will have three different colors all over it. Such a beautiful sight to see.

Some other flowers that I found out that has the same characteristic as our Randa here is a Pua Kenikeni tree or Fagraea Berteroana that is native to the South Pacific. But nowadays Pua Kenikeni has become a common flowering trees in Hawaii and the flowers are widely use as Leis and hair adornment.

A few months ago I went to a roadside nursery near my home at Kinrara area and discovered that they have 3 pots of Randa growing among their other bush ornamental plants. I instantly recognize the flowers and bought two pots. Below are the photos of my Randa flowering for the second time since I bought them 2 months ago.

The first day the flower opens, the color is creamy white. Has a very faint smell of Gardenia.

On the 2nd day, the color of my Randa changed to Creamy Yellow. And the shape of the petals start to change and and curl down to a more distinctive shape.

After the 3rd day, Randa will change color to Orange and release a very strong fragrant smell of Gardenia.

This is the most common Gardenia that can be found growing anywhere in the tropical countries. Sometimes the cut flowers are also sold in Flower shops. In Malaysia this is known as Bunga Cina. In Hawaiian it is known as Kiele. Originally this flower came from China.

This is a very rare species of native Hawaiian Gardenia known as Nanu. The scientific name for this is Gardenia Brighamii. I have not seen this gardenia yet. When I was living in Hawaii, whenever I went to the Botanical gardens, this gardenia was not flowering. Nanu is not a common plant grown anywhere as they are an endangered species of Hawaii and kind of hard to grow compared to Tahitian Gardenia or Gardenia Augusta.

This Tahitian Gardenia or Tiare is a native to Tahiti Islands and very common in all the Pacific Islands and also in Hawaii. The scientific name for this Tiare is Gardenia Taitensis. This flower is so popular in Hawaii that it become design motives to a lot of arts, jewelries, fabric printings and household stuffs. I wish I could have brought this species back to KL and grow them here. I bet I could make lots of money by selling the seedlings to the nurseries.

All the different hybrids of Gardenias from all over the world....

Yen's Birthday!

2009-10-28T12:09:00.007+08:00

Happy Birthday Yen......

My dearest Friend Yen and his cake that I bought....

Make your wish boys....

Kamizi & Yen...waiting to cut the cake!

Aku & Yen...Happy Birthday Yen!

Iskandar, Kamizi, Yen & Rezjal.

The Three old chap!!!

Aku tengah memotong kek birthday si Yen...Suka nyer dia....

I've Fallen......

2009-10-28T11:04:00.003+08:00

Semenjak dari bulan puasa hari tu, rasanya seperti aku dah terjatuh ditimpa tangga, dipatuk Ayam pulak selepas tu...Macam Pak pandir yang malang sangat.....Aku sering sedih dan bergundah gulana. Marah berapi kepada kehidupan yang tidak pasti.

Kita hidup berkawan kadang2 susah nak meneka isi-hati seseorang dan motif mereka. Semalam dia manis dan mesra. Hari ini dia senyap seribu bahasa. Esok dia sudah mengata. Lusa terbongkarlah rahsia. Siapakah dia, siapakah kita.

Manusia pandai berkata-kata. Tetapi harganya tiada. Hampas belaka. Niat kita disalah anggap. Hati kita di lemparkan. Kederat kita di lupakan. Budi mereka dibesarkan. Semua di ungkit menjadi senjata tajam. Sampai sanggup membuang dan membakar persahabatan. Apakah sudah tiada kesetiaan? Lupakah kita kepada budi balasan?

Aku sgt suka dgn lirik lagu FALLEN by Sarah McLachlan nie...Lirik yang menusuk kalbu aku.

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin out with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear.

Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I've lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one misstep one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

SELUMBAR!

2009-10-16T18:08:00.001+08:00

Ada masanya kita terpaksa keluarkan SELUMBAR di kulit walaupun sakitnya tak terhingga. Selumbar itu mungkin secebis duri atau secebis kayu tajam yang pastinya dibuang dan akhirnya menjadi sampah sahaja.

Walaupun rasa sakit tentunya akan hilang tetapi Parut tetap akan ada sentiasa mengingatkan kita kepada tusukan tajam Selumbar yang tidak di sangkakan boleh melukakan kita.

Selumbar boleh berada dimana-mana sekiranya kita tidak berhati-hati akan menusuk kulit sekali lagi. Kadang-kadang pokok yang berbunga cantik tidak boleh dipegang sesuka hati dan jauhkan lah diri kerana duri tajamnya boleh mencederakan kita.

Kadang-kadang perabut kayu yang cantik yang diguna setiap hari pun boleh memberi selumbar kepada kita jika kita terlupa untuk berhati-hati apabila menggunakannya.

Pokok Mawar yang cantik atau perabut kayu yang mahal tidak menjanjikan kesetiaan kepada empunya nya kerana inilah lumrah dunia. Tiada siapa pun milik siapa! Tidak perlu ada kesetiaan.

Hanya…. pokok mawar yang berduri mungkin akan ditebang oleh empunya nya apabila duri tajamnya mencederakan dan membawa kemarahan. Kaedahnya……. buang aja pokok berduri ini sebab banyak aje pokok lain yang cantik tetapi tidak menyakit kan hati bila terluka. Betul kan?

Fikirkan betapa bongkak dan ego nya lumrah alam apabila kita mendapat cari sebab dan alasan untuk menebang pokok mawar yang berduri tanpa belas kasihan bahawa mawar tiada pilihan tetapi terpaksa tumbuh bersama dengan durinya.

Kita hanya menikmati kecantikan bunganya apabila ia mekar tetapi menebangnya apabila tertusuk durinya. Tak ubah seperti bila madunya habis, sepah dibuang.

Keadilan hanya dimata yang lebih berkuasa. Yang lemah menjadi mangsa! Mengharap kasihan tetapi tidak dipedulikan.

Kepada si penebang dengan parang tajamnya, dialah yang benar dan itulah kuasa.

Hebatkan keadilan hidup kita ini?

Janganlah kamu bongkak dan meninggi diri sentiasa. Betul atau salah tidak memberi kamu lesen untuk melenyapkan sesiapa atau benda.

Just a thought!!!!

Starts With Goodbye!

2009-10-13T09:50:00.002+08:00

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And she would have understood,
So hard to see myself without her,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,

Aku Tersungkur Lagi!

2009-10-13T09:33:00.002+08:00

Aku menerima 5 SMS dari seorang yang dahulunya aku sangat senangi, sayangi dan akrab. Tetapi pada Jumaat sebelum Hari Raya baru-baru ini, aku telah melakukan sesuatu yang agak melulu dan melakukan kesilapan kerana tidak memberi keyakinan terhadap diri aku sendiri.

Aku telah meminta maaf terhadap beliau tetapi SMS aku tidak dilayan dan talifon aku tidak dijawab. Aku paham, dia tidak perlu pun untuk memaafkan aku dalam hal ini sebab dia ada hak untuk melakukan apa sahaja kepada sesiapa pun.

Hanya Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. memaafkan dan menerima semua umatnya.

Malah beliau pernah memberitahu aku “anggaplah seperti kita tidak pernah kenal sebelum ini”. Aku tidak menjawab SMS beliau kerana ianya bukan soalan yg perlu dijawab. Ianyanya hanya satu pernyataan! Aku biarkan dia dengan dirinya. Aku boleh berlalu pergi! Aku tak lagi menagih apa-apa dari beliau.

Aku manusia biasa hanya perlu beringat dan bersabar akan apa yang aku lakukan, aku hanyalah manusia biasa yang tidak terlepas dari segala kesilapan atau kesalahan. Setiap kesilapan akan mendapat hukuman. Sedang aku menjalani hukuman, kehidupan harus diteruskan.

Kata-kata beliau:

1. Dlm hati awak….masih ada kah nama XXX(nama beliau)?
2. Bt apa simpan….
3. Kan kita dah tak berkwn lg.bt apa awak simpan nama saya.bt sakit kan hati awak je…
4. Kita blh berkwn dgn apa segala usia.muda ke tua ke…tp kita ni yg dah berusia.kena tjk kan sikap dan sifat yang matang.bkn macam peel budak2 yang TAK matang..
5. Awak dah lain..panas baran..hati dah kuat tp panas baran.takde sapa ckp dgn saya.tp gerak hati saya tak pernah bohong.dan Pak X tak penah bohong saya.

Aku hanya menjawab soalan no1 sahaja: “Tentulah ada!”

NO 2,3,4 dan 5 semuanya aku biarkan sahaja. Sebab aku tetiba rasa sedikit terkejut setelah beberapa minggu, baru aku dapat jawapan dari beliau bertalu-talu.

Tetapi perlu ke aku menjawab semua SMS beliau? Aku tak rasa dia akan melayan alasan aku pun. Perlu ke nak bermain kata-kata membuat soalan rumit yang berbau jerat untuk membuat kan aku merasa lebih bersalah? So tak perlu nak bersusah payah!

Manusia berubah setiap hari! Pengalaman mengajar kita erti kehidupan. Buruk baik, susah atau senang, semua menjadi pelajaran yang tidak boleh dibeli dengan wang ringgit atau paksaan.

Ya! Aku memang merasakan aku sekarang lebih cekal hati dan lebih pemarah. Tetapi mungkin aku terlalu tegas dengan pendirian aku dan kehendak aku. Manakan tidak nya, selepas hati aku hancur di hempas ke lantai, ditipu dengan seribu muslihat seperti permainan silap mata, aku terpaksa mengorak langkah aku dengan lebih tegas dan cekal supaya tidak di pijak untuk kali ketiga.

Lantas aku tersalah langkah dan membuatkan kawan-kawan aku tersalah anggap tujuan aku. Maaf kan diatas kesilapan aku ini!

Tetapi aku tahu, kita semua bukan kanak-kanak kecil yang perlu di lukiskan gambar rajah nya supaya kita lebih paham. Kata-kata sudah cukup untuk menerangkan apa yang tersirat dan apa yang tersurat.

Ya! Memang aku masih lagi ada menyimpan nama beliau didalam hati aku. Tetapi aku sedikit pun tidak merasa marah, dengki atau benci terhadap beliau. Aku menyimpan beliau didalam hati aku kerana suatu ketika dahulu, beliau adalah tempat aku mengadu, meminta pertolongan, bercerita nasib dan seorang kawan yang jauh tetapi dekat dihati.

Ya! Aku halalkan segala makan dan minum mu dunia dan akhirat seperti yang awak minta. Musim yang lepas sudah berlalu, mentari sudah mencelah kembali, aku bangun dan berdiri sendiri. Usah dirisaukan barang yang lepas. Menangis pun takkan berguna lagi.

Selamat jalan kepada beliau dan mereka yang senang dan mudah bersedia untuk membuang pesalah manusia. Usahlah kau menoleh ke belakang takut nanti kamu tersalah langkah lagi dan tersungkur. Majulah kehadapan dan lupakan yang lepas.

RAYA KU......2009

2009-10-01T09:45:00.016+08:00

Inilah kenangan gambar Hari Raya pada tahun ini bersama Ibu dan semua adik beradik dan anak saudara.....

Rashidah sibuk nak mengambil gambar aku dengan Camera DSLR Canon aku...Aku pun bagilah dia peluang. Lagipun aku x payah nak paksa anak2 buah aku amik gambar aku. Hehehhehe!

Posing ini adalah idea Rashidah. Posing Poyo ala majallah Mangga. Cushion2 tu plak, Kak Lin yang taburkan kat tepi aku. Katanya nak menambah effect. Menambah kepoyokan kampung adalah. Hehheheh!

Aku di tepi tingkap! Mengenang nasib diri yang selama ini actually OKLAH!! hehhehe. Saja je nak wat poyo berlakun ala majallah mangga. Lagipun grill tingkap rumah aku yang dah 40 tahun ni sangat unik gak.

Aku tak pernah bergambar di tepi tingkap seperti ini sebelum ini. Idea Rashidah sgt bernas kadang2. Vogue de vas kepada Shidah!

Gambar kami semua sekeluarga. Tetapi Keluarga Abang Man(Yang sulung) dan Keluarga Azean(Adik) tak de dalam gambar ini sebab mereka sampai lambat.

Bergambar dengan dari kiri Athirah, Rashidah, Afizah, Aku dan Radhiyah.

Meminta Ampun dan Maaf buat selamanya...Cheee wahhh!!! Sebak gitu!!!

Syidah sangat manja tapi kadang2 "terlebih-sudah" kemanjaan nyer tu. Seorang yang bubbly, happy go lucky dan sangat suka ketawa. Acik suka syidah......

Semua adik beradik dan anak-anak buah menunggu giliran untuk bergambar dengan "Mem Besar" aka Mak. Huhuhu!

Bergambar dengan Mak dan Fizah (adik).

Semua Anak dara dalam keluarga aku.

Dengan Imai dan Kak Nie...kami semua pun sedondon...Sebenarnya ini semua adalah idea aku untuk mengenakan purple pada tahun ini.

Bergambar dengan Abang Bahrin, kami sedondon...hehhehe!

Rashidah dan Syahmi tengah "berebut" angpau duit raya dari aku.

Bridges Burned!

2009-09-29T17:51:00.000+08:00

Recently I felt like my life almost came to an end with my friends because of the decisions I made. At some point in my friendship with people, I made it clear that I do not like to mix my old friends with my new ones. Somehow there are no clear lines to draw the limit and it’s kind of hard to explain.

Well, to shorten a lengthy drama, I got pissed and jealous of my long time girl friends ATB, MTB and MKW who befriended with my new guy friend. I have made it very clear clear to my guy friend that I do not like for him befriended with my 3 girl friends and sort of asked him to let them go indirectly and subtly. But he did anyway, sneaky and unfaithful.

Somehow, my request to ask my guy friend to leave my girl friends were not important enough to him and I discovered that they have been exchanging phone numbers and have been communicating via SMS everyday.

The day I found out that MKW has been so frequently SMS’ing my guy friend behind my back, I confronted all three of them that very same evening and asked them why they suddenly became so close to him? I was pretty much so disappointed, sad and pissed to the point that I told them to choose between my guy friend and me.

Well, 2 of them were shocked of my action, but MKW was so GLADLY to delete her Facebook account and just quickly ignored me. She didn’t even try to ask why I did such a drastic action towards her or three of them. As if she was guilty of being sneaky behind my back and accepted her punishment. As if I am not worthy of anything to her! As if the mistake I made is bigger than a murder and therefore she has to punish me to a lifetime of isolation.

As a human being I am bound to make mistake and hurt other people. I am bound to be emotional and frantic every once and a while when shits happen my way. But as a normal human also, I learned to accept the hard way my own wrong doing and mistakes. And let go of my own ego, thicken my face and swallow that bitter pills.

If my two other girl friends could tell my face that they demanded me to explain and didn’t accept my decision. Why can’t MKW do the same? We have been known each other much longer than the other two. But the weird thing though, I have met the other two in person but I have never met with MKW at all.

Even when she SMS me her picture, it’s always kind of blur and every time she’s in KL, there’s always something that block us from meeting. To some point I felt weird because I realized that she never really tried to meet me. She seemed really care about our friendship but never show strong interest to meet in person. Is there something wrong with me or her?

Normally when this kind of scenario happens I can only think of one thing though, she never really cared for me or our friendship. She is afraid of a commitment and preparing herself to let go of people when she feels like with no remorse. Just look at the way she dumped me. She spoke her peace so quickly so that she can leave me guiltless with no debt or regret. She didn’t answer my SMS or pick up my call.

It was kind of funny though that I was yelled at, cried and forced to speak the truth to the other two friends because they didn’t want to accept no as an answer and try so hard to stop me from leaving them. But by the end of the day, it wasn’t me who burned my bridges with my friends but MKW.

I was told by MTB that MKW felt so angry and disappointed with me. Seemed to me that she found a so called “valid reason” to delete me off her friend list! Seem to me more like her ego that was doing the decision and disguised under a cloak of anger and disappointment towards me.

And off course! She got away with murder when I am being punished for my sin. And to her maybe it’s OK to just discard friends like me that she thought complicate her life, disappoint her or break her heart. But over the course of 3 years we have known each other, we always talked and advised each other when we did wrong.

This time she just took the easy exit and fly away and “innocently” told me “please just pretend like we never known each other before this”. It was that easy and rather cold of her! She never even once tried to ask me why? I felt so worthless and disposable!

To have a friend, one just needed to ask for a name or an SMS will do. To be good friends one must know each other for a long time. But to be best friends forever, one must be with each other through the years of ups and downs of bad and happy times together.

Just remember sometimes even your own blood children would not care for you when you are old, sick, bossy and cranky. They would rather send you to the old folk homes. Adopted children on top of that, well need I say more? They have other relatives too and many restrictions, religiously and legally. Good luck to that!

Just remember that we are all make mistakes and must learn to accept and let go of our big ego head. This time I don’t think it’s all about me after all. It was a test for all of us actually!

Live and learned and it’s never too late to change!

Gulai Rendang Maman dengan Ayam

2009-09-24T15:13:00.028+08:00

Gulai Maman dengan Ayam adalah satu masakan kebesaran penduduk di kampung aku, iaitu di Kg Geduk sejak aku masih kecil lagi ketika di sekolah rendah. Tetapi selepas tahun demi tahun, masakan Maman ini menjadi kegemaran penduduk di kawasan Gemenchech secara amnya.

Bukan sahaja Melayu, bahkan kaum Cina juga sangat pandai memasak Gulai rendang maman dengan ayam kampung ini. Ianya adalah suatu masakan yang dinanti-natikan sewaktu makan bersama keluarga di malam terakhir berbuka puasa dan di pagi Raya pertama.

Di hari perayaan seperti di bulan Puasa dan di Hari Raya, ramai pekebun akan menjual sayur maman segar mereka di tepi2tepi jalan raya, dipasar tani dan dipasar Gemenchech.

Maman memerlukan santan segar dan pekat yang banyak. Mengikut sukatan yang diberi oleh kakak aku, seekor ayam + 2 kg maman + 4-6 biji santan pekat. Gulai ini akan berminyak dan pekat seperti rendang. Bahan-bahan nya adalah sgt mudah...Kita cuma memerlukan ayam, maman, santan pekat, kunyit segar, cili padi, asam keping, asam jawa dan garam secukupnya.

Sila lihat cara-cara kakak saya memasak Gulai Rendang Maman dengan Ayam dibawah.

Maman segar yang sudah di kerat, dipilih dan di basuh. Tos kan air basuhan didalam bakul.

Kecutkan ayam bersama kunyit dan cili api yang sudah di lumatkan. Masak sehingga sebati.

Ayam yg sudah kecut dan sebati.

Masukkan Santan pekat ke dalam kuali.

Kacau adunan sehingga mendidih dan ayam masak sepenuhnya bersama santan.

Keluarkan semula ayam tadi kerana masakan ini perlu di teruskan lagi sehingga santan berminyak. Ayam akan menjadi hancur sekiranya di masak berterusan.

Teruskan memasak kuah maman itu tadi sehingga santan berminyak. Hendaklah sentiasa dikacau supaya santan tidak hangus di bahagian bawah nya.

Masukkan Maman dan biarkan maman itu layu sendiri didalam kuali. Jangan kacau buat seketika kerana mengikut petuanya, maman yg dikacau akan menjadi pahit.

Masukkan air asam jawa. Air Asam jawa akan menjadikan gulai maman menjadi lebih perisa. Ramai di kalangan penggemar gulai maman tidak tahu mengenai peranan asam jawa di dalam Gulai Maman. Kebanyakannya tidak akan memasukkan air asam jawa ini.

Maman tadi terus dimasak lagi sehingga terbit minyak dan maman menjadi sebati.

Ayam tadi dimasuk kan semula kedalam kuali dan kacau masakan sehingga sebati dan berminyak.

Maman yang sudah siap dimasak dan sedia untuk hidangan.

Mengikut kata ibu dan nenek aku, gulai maman hendaklah mempunyai minyak santan seperti yang dilihat didalam gambar diatas. Barulah Gulai ini "menjadi". Tentang rasa pula, mesti mempunyai rasa lemak, pedas cili api, rasa masam sedikit dari asam keping & perisa dari air asam jawa.

Kadang-kadang rasa pahit dari Maman masih ada. Pada aku rasa pahit itu membuatkan Gulai maman ini lebih "kick". Tetapi ada segelintir penggemar maman berpendapat, rasa pahit dari maman menunjukkan tukang masaknya belum expert lagi.

Walau apa pun, Gulai Rendang Maman dengan Ayam ini adalah tersangat sedap in the world I tell you. hehehehehe!

Selamat mencuba resepi Ibu aku ini.

Dwen.

Sepagi di Pasar Tani Gemenchech Aku.

2009-09-18T10:59:00.008+08:00

Kak Ni tengah sibuk memilih sayur MAMAN di salah satu gerai.... Maman masak Lemak Rendang Cili Api dengan Ayam kampung is so fuckin delicious. Huhuhu!

Pilih lah yang mana satu....timbunan Maman... Sodap botul sumo ni ha!!!

Kak Ni terserempak dengan Acik Tom...apa lagi terus lar berbual pasal sodaro maro den...Den kek situ amik gambar yo macam wartawan Kosmo....Buek malu yo!

Bahan-bahan lain yang diperlukan untuk memasak Rendang Cili Api Maman ialah Kunyit Segar, Cili Padi dan Serai. Santan pekat yang banyak juga diperlukan...

Balik Kampung di Bulan Puasa

2009-09-18T10:45:00.006+08:00

Balik kampung di bulan puasa....dalam perjalanan menaiki Kelisa Adik aku.

Nostalgia....gambar lama sedara mara...

Tangga batu rumah...style lama dengan tiles dari tahun 70an.

Ruang meja makan....

Ruang Tamu rumah aku....Lampu berangkai tu cuma hiasan aje...

Once Upon A Time.......

2009-09-18T10:40:00.000+08:00

We hear how families, friends and people we know diagnosed with uncured diseases all the times. The minute we heard the news we became numb and speechless. The magnitude of shock that hit us was just too huge to bear.

Life is never fair to all of us and never promised anything easy. Sometime, a non-smoker, non-alcohol drinker, strict organic food consumer are still end up with the worst bad news ever of sickness from their GP. These fatal diseases came without warning or signs.

The calculation is so way off sometimes and don’t add up at all but still we end up with the same bad luck. Where did we go wrong?

Sometimes we know that our lifestyles already promised us something bad in the later life but never got it. There were many times also where we are punished for the obvious lifestyles that we have such as smoking and cancer, has become so synonym with each other.

Despite the strict warning from the health department, we still smoke cigarettes night and day. Unstoppable, guiltless and fearless!

Promiscuous lifestyle is another disaster in the making for anyone who is not careful. Despite the availability of “rubber” everywhere, we still neglect ourselves for the protection it offered. It only took one mistake to fuck our lives a lifetime with sickness and shame. It’s funny how we would gamble a lifetime of healthy living with a 15 minute of pleasure.

Nothing promises us anything anymore though. If you don’t end up with cancer or HIV or H1N1, we are at high risk with so many other diseases. One might as well choose which disease they prefer to have instead of surprised with one.

We often wish that we woulda, coulda, shoulda when everything is too late. The perfect life that we dreamed of has become a fairy tale that started with once upon a time when we tell.

There’s only one thing we could do though, we must learn to accept our fate and deal with problems as they come and make the best of everything.

Life is too short to be angry to ourselves, other people or God all the times.

I Gave Up!

2009-09-16T16:29:00.003+08:00

There are certain things and issues in my life right now that I am not willing to deal with, share or fight for. I just felt that these complicated life issues are just too petty to be given a fight.

It urkks me when a friend started to compare what I did for other friend and what I did less for him. And then started to nit picked me on issues that are way passed his bed time. I am too old for all these and once or twice in my life when I was young I already had dealt with all these.

For a guy in the late thirties, I just don’t have the patient to deal with early twenty-something people who think they know about life and friendship and thought that he is more well verse than a person 10 years older than him. So for me to fight about whose friend should do what and so forth, this is just the kind of issue that I would just let go. Not worth my time to even think it.

So, today I deleted some 18 people of common friends on my Facebook that I share with a friend because I do not need another headache from him asking why this and why that. I gave up interrogation over peace anytime!

I feel so sorry to these people!

These people I have deleted are definitely worth a friendship for but I’ve decided that from now on, I am not going to share my friends anymore. Nor I will join any social gathering with his friends either. I will be strict about all these!

I will keep myself to myself. I will be myself and ask what I want most for my happiness. I will be less forgiving and less pleasing. The more I give, the more it will be less enough. Ultimately, it all became bird shit that fell on my head!

And if my happiness is in jeopardy, I will drastically decide what’s best for me and I will gave it all up and fly.

I am not afraid to fly!

Global Warming Of My Life

2009-09-10T11:54:00.001+08:00

There have been so many shits I went through all these years. And one thing that I realized lately is that some things will keep repeating it self. There’s nothing I can do about it because that’s just the way our lives spin in this world.

I have seen broken relationship happens faster than the NOKIA technology evolves. I thought seeing new NOKIA phones keep changing in the store window every fortnight is such a fast development of technology. But I have seen also broken relationship happens faster than that. It’s so sad!

This is not just about me but about others too. I have evolved from (1) being naïve loving person unconditionally like love is blind kind of love, (2) to loving with conditions for survival issues and finally to (3) stay if you love me, hit the road if you don’t.

1. What can I say? I was young, new to life and so naïve of all things. I just went with the flow and lived my life as normal as possible with so much love in my heart that I felt so warm and filled with content each and everyday of my life. Until the true colors came out. The controlling, lying and cheating chapter.

Then I started to let go of myself and learned a thing or two about what is best for me.

2. Then I got to another level of my ozone layer where I managed to compensate a not so good love with surviving a living issue. Vague career path that leads to a misty road of life was just too scary. But at least at that time I had someone who could hold my hand while I was walking in the dark finding my light of sureness. Finally, I arrived to my peaked of my career and opened my eyes to the suckiness of love that I have been endured all the years.

Then I started to brave myself to create my own happy path to life and venture on my own.

3. After living in and out of relationships, I have realized at some point I do need someone in my life. Especially my friends. But to some stage of friendship, friendship love and lover’s love are two different things and brought different feelings to my heart. I needed both loves although I know that lover’s love can damage myself to the core.

In fact, I had been damaged by it several times before. Still I go for more but now with a different frequency and conditions as an insurance for protection.

I have become somewhat complicated but independent. Everything centered in my heart first. Nothing can break the layer of thick armor covering it.

I have evolved myself to another way of life where I could accept when it’s there or just let it go and move on when it’s gone. No more holding on to the past and nothing matters anymore but me.

It is like the melting of the ice cap, the increase of the temperature and the changing of the environment; what I am going through now is just another global warming of my life.

It may break or make me!

.........people judge, sabotage, and doing some bad..........

2009-09-09T15:51:00.006+08:00

"Dear Blog,

It had been long time since my last story. I don't want to express what i feel thru blog previously coz....i know somehow, it kind of sad to know that some people judged, sabotaj & doing some bad things to us by reading the blog and not trying to understand what actually happened and what actually the writer felt. That's what happened to me past few months ago. The person still reading my blog actually and still keep 'kacau'ing...people 's privacy until today. I hope he/she will understand truely by now..I had suffered enough. And if they still have God beside them, i'm sure they will know what to do or not what to do..inside other people 's blog site."

To the girl that wrote the above quotes….

First of all, yes you are full of DRAMAS. I can label u as a Drama Queen from H… now. But you know that already and you don’t need my confirmation at all.

Ohhh! By the way, yes! People judge! But please don’t flatter yourself. Nobody is sabotaging you with anything. I bet you did it to yourself with stupidity and dramas.

Second of all, if you don’t want people to know about your pathetic little life soap opera, try not to write it in your blog. There will be a lot of people out there reading your blog and I am one of them.

Well, it is kind of fascinating and entertaining to know your drama. But to tell you the truth, we truly felt kind of sorry for you. And we truly hope things work out between the 3 of you. And I did write a blog about you and your best friend titled “Love Is Friendship”. I dedicated that whole blog just for you.

But you probably don’t care or got the wrong meaning about what I am trying to say. Not that it matters to me or you. But since I and my friends has been label so called enemy to you and your friends, everything that we do just seem kind of bad spirited and mean. This is untrue and wrong! You are missing the points!

Thirdly, when you write a blog that means you just made your private life become a public knowledge. You can’t blame or stop people for reading or writing something in relation to your blog.

Commenting and quoting other people’s blog is a common thing in blogging. Blogging is supposed to get people to read, react, think and comment. If you expect nothing of your viewers, then you should write a diary instead. Not a Blog!

Please, don’t talk about how bad is your suffering with all of us. It’s like your suffering is more accountable than my suffering? Where did you get that idea? Some of us learn to control ourselves and learn to survive but unlike some of you who only mope and pointing fingers.

Maybe instead of saying “what can I do?” you should just stand up and do things.

But then again, deep down inside of you, I know you love drama so much because that’s what you are a drama queen craving for attentions.

Sorry babe, I just couldn’t help myself… This is too much fun!

A Day At The Gardens

2009-09-09T13:24:00.013+08:00

A day of window shopping with my buddies, Rezal & Lynda was really tiring but fun.

At first I was really in the mood to really shop and buy some gorgeous stuff for myself. But as I walked from one boutique another, from CK to DKNY to Robinson to Isetan and the list went on and on, none of the new collections from these designers caught my eye.

Everything seemed so boring, dull and unattractive. I was literally yawning as I looked at all the clothes.

I ended up just taking pictures of all of us and became just a "shopping-cheer-buddy" for Linda and Rezal. Boy they really shopped I tell you!

I have realized though, I have been doing my shopping alone most of the times and when I went shopping with them, I got a little jealous of Linda and Rezal for have found what they were looking for and I found nothing but boredom.

While I was waiting for Rezal to try on the GAP Jeans, I found a nice spot to snap my photo. SO VAIN!

I started to feel kind of tired and my Kenneth Cole Ankle Boot started to kill my feet. I had to find some corner to lean and rest.

I found another corner inside GAP where it has 2 large mirror facing each other and when I was standing by the side of it, the images of myself repeated continuously. Immediately I forced Lynda to snap my photo. With my direction of how to snap, the second photo by Lynda came out great. I love this photo!

It's time to pay the bill. It cost more than RM 250+. Some expensive jeans I tell you. I am glad Rezal found the right jeans for himself.

As for myself I already have more than 20 pairs of jeans. That is more than enough! I think!!!!! Hmmmm!!!

In my Jeans & Casual Pants Collection:
CALVIN KLEIN - 5 Pairs
GUCCI - 1 pair
VERSACE - 3 Pairs
DOCKERS - 5 Pairs
SEED - 4 Pairs
KENNETH COLE - 1 Pair
ESPRIT - 1 Pair
ZARA - 1 Pair
SAMUEL&KELVIN - 3 Pairs
EMPORIO ARMANI - 1 Pair
ARMANI EXCHANGE - 1 Pair
BENETTON - 1 Pair

Linda & Rezal....tired after kilometers of walking up and down, in and out of boutiques in The Gardens and Mid Valley.

I am looking tired and grouchy!

FML!

2009-09-03T17:16:00.007+08:00

Stands for F my life!

Today I started my day with joy and eagerness. I slept at 11pm last night and woke up for “sahur” at 3am. At 6.20am, I woke up again for shower, solat and went to work at 7am.

By 8.00am, I felt sleepy again and took a 1 hour transit on a couch in my office room until 9am.

Help Fiza, Lynn & Ita cleaned the kitchen and killed hundreds of big smelly cockroaches. The cockroaches literally flying around in front of us and we had to spray them with Bygone for so much that we felt we were spraying ourselves to death as well. FML

At 1pm went to KL.

First stop, NOKIA service center at BGI building across from Berjaya Times Square. I collected my NOKIA 6500 Slide mobile phone at the counter. Guess what! They fixed the wrong thing on my phone. They replaced the battery cover. When I checked the phone, the memory card was still can’t be read. Then I had to buy a new set of battery. I ended up spent RM301. The actual cost should have been RM238.00 only. And I still cannot have back my phone. They have to do more repair work. FML

Second stop, Maybank KL Main and HSBC, AMBank, UOB, RHB and MBB at Lebuh Ampang. Guess what! I was stuck at Berjaya Times Square because of heavy windy rain. I had no umbrella! So all the important chores was postponed! I went to KL for nothing. FML

I got back to my office by 4.00pm. I have to return the car keys to Fiza. I have to use her car to run my chores everyday but going home with my friend on a motorcycle.

My own car is in Chevrolet Service Center in PJ and has to be there for a month.I may not get it back in time before raya. FML

Meanwhile, I am carless as good as broken feet, asking for free rides from anyone! FML

Last stop, going home! Waiting for my friend to come and pick me up with his motorcycle. By now, my energy level already reached critical stage and I am moodless now. I am as good as vegetables!

Now, all I want to do is…..

“Sabarkan diri, rasa menyendiri, aman dan sepi”

“PENAT dengan...........”

“Buat benda yang tak menjadi”
“Menunggu benda yang tak siap”
“Membayar benda yang tak dibaiki”
“Menghabiskan masa dengan benda kosong”

FML, FML, FML

My MASTERS DEGREE in Overnight!

2009-09-02T16:43:00.017+08:00

It had always been my dream to go back to the university to continue my education. I didn’t know how it all started but I ended up in the UITM Shah Alam in just a blink of an eye.

On the first day of my backed-to-school day I decided to go out for a jogging. I didn’t have to get involve with any orientation activities with the undergraduate students because I am a Masters student. I felt so relieved and free of being tortured by senior students doing stupid airhead stuff. So different this time!

Without wasting my time on a fine late afternoon, I walked out of my dorm building and took a scenic view route of the whole campus. I realized how the campus has changed and developed so much since 18 years ago I was there.

I was in my white sleeveless t-shirt and Oh-my-God…… I didn’t realize that after I was jogging for about 1 KM, I was wearing a pair of shorts that was shorter than my own boxer. No wonder my feet felt so light and airy. What was wrong with me? Shit!

Have my excitement to jog around campus to breathe the fresh air of the hill side of UITM surrounded by students carrying books, laptops, back packs and T-Rulers clouded my ability to choose a descent conservative leg-covering long jogging pants that bear Adidas on the side?

To run back to my dorm and change would definitely make people notice and make me look stupid. But, I was wearing such a hot pant here. Richard Simmons, the famous aerobic fag-guru from hell would cry with blood tears seeing me wearing such a daring, crying-for-attention statement hot pants. I felt like a star, but in a very very very wrong way!

Arrrkkhhhh!!! What should I do here? I’ve lost my mind already and definitely cannot enjoy the jog and the views anymore. Suddenly felt so self-conscious and afraid to run around in my big-mistake choice of jogging shorts.

Immediately my face felt so numb for having put myself in such stupid situation. I am so gullible and easily distracted. I put a grasp on myself to just keep running with confidents. Then I started seeing boys and girls were looking at me. Worst! They were pointing fingers at me too with giggles and evil eyes.

What should I do? I am too far to go back to my dorm. But to keep running around the campus was not near either. Either way I am fucked!

I had to make an executive decision here and decided to make a turn. At least only the same students will see me again when taking the same route back. With confident and poise, I made a turned. After running for about 15 minutes, I realized the whole scenery has changed and the buildings looked unfamiliar.

Eh! Wait a minute! Suddenly I felt like in a Twilight Zone. Extremely confused! Where the fuck is this? So I decided to go into one of the building and thank God there were a reception counter there. I walked up to the counter with embarrassment trying to cover my sexy legs and pushing my short shorts down as it kept riding up my ass.

Then I heard a boy whispered to the girl next to him in that room. “Who does he think he is? Jessica Simpsons?” Ohhhh! The shame I felt of this horrible experienced was beyond my imaginations. This is worse than any nightmare I ever had.

I ran away from that reception counter and walked up the stairs nearby it. Somehow I ended in a huge shower room. The shower room seemed so weird. Seemed very old! There was no one there. There was something eerie about this whole place. I got goose bumps!

I got lost and couldn’t find my way out. God help me!

Then I heard someone screaming at me. I couldn’t figure out what he or she said to me. I started to look for the voice as it seemed like it was talking to me.

Even though I just kept walking in circle at my lost of direction I can hear the voice sounded clearer and clearer.

Then the whole mystery made sense…..The voice came from my sister, “Duan bangun, sahur lah!”

Oh my God!!!! I was having a dream!

Fucking A!!!!!!!

LOVE is friendship!

2009-09-01T15:46:00.004+08:00

People say that life is a series of good and bad choices that we have been making along the journey. With that said and done and put out in a platter in front of us, what’s done is gone. What’s gone is history. What’s history should not repeat itself. And what’s coming can be planned.

Nobody can say what, where or how when it comes to love. There are lots of things to define love and there are many clues and clear open attentions that describe what friendship is supposed to be between two good pals or among many people.

I for one have seen a lot of mess happened between two good friends. I have seen things went really wild and unexpected. I have seen the strongest heart failed and cried to their knees. I have seen many hurtful things stabbed at each other with just words.

I have realized because of love, friendship crumbled. But we failed to recognize that friendship is also love.

Where did it all go wrong? Usually we found out when it’s too late. Open and direct communication is very essential in keeping both sides understand of each other. Sometimes being silence when one expects an answer is the best answer to replace any words. Because silence open up our mind and think without hurting each other with wrong words and misinterpretation.

I have read the blogs of used-to-be-closed someone I know, Miss J and Miss C. Well, I would never expect that a newfound love from a stranger would shake the boat of these two pals. But must I remind them that their boat is not yet capsized but shaken by a strong wave.

Life is full strong waves and one must be ready to paddle when it hits.

One thing that I see in Miss C is she’s such a loyal friend. I see that Miss C always gave her reasoning about life to Miss J in such a subtle and matured way. Never frantic nor havoc! I just hope it would not go too far and mutated to an unfavorable controlling little virus who wants to see her friend lives the certain way only. I doubt that would happen!

But what I see happening is something I don’t want to see happening between my friends and I. I would always want my friends to support me in every way. Sometimes the rule of “my way or the highway” does not apply to everyone. In some cases, people become rebel the minute they see control or change.

However, we as an understanding friends must really understands what more important than anything else. Do not run away from your troubled friends. We just stand beside them until we are needed or until they decided to ask for an opinion, a shoulder to cry on or something bigger, a helping hand.

I don’t really know exactly what happened between Miss J & Miss C, but whatever they are facing it shouldn’t be something that would drag their friendship and love for each other on the chopping block. It’s not worth it!

I heard this word a while back. It sounded something like this…..”do not take for granted the one diamond that we have when we are too busy collecting stones”

Friendship is always something that we fall back when love with new ones failed. Just remember that friendship is a different kind of love that last a lot longer than life itself.

PENANG AFTER 16 YEARS: Daniel

2009-08-21T15:38:00.013+08:00

Kamizi is so high-tech nowadays and this is so not typical of him. He has this electronic contraption branded GARMIN Navigator the “talking” GPS Electronic Map.

Oh! The relief I have for not having to do anything but to sit comfortably next to him in the car, enjoying the ride is so magnificently welcomed. Otherwise, I would have been stuck trying to decipher a map, the symbol legends and the distance, up side down for directions in Penang.

We get to choose what language we want for Garmin Navigator to communicate to us. Each language comes with the name of the person that “speaks” to us. I thought that was kind of funny!

So we chose British English as the communication dialect because it is easier to understand and DANIEL is the name of the person that “talks” to us.

Daniel would say, “drive another 500 meters and then turn left to Jalan Burma!” or “please stick to the designated route!” or “you have arrived at Golden Sands Resort!”

Sometimes, Daniel cannot figure out what route we took because the road has been changed and it is not in his system. So Daniel would say, “re-calculating new distance!” or something like that.

But all in all, Daniel is like a new best friend that everyone must have in their cars when travelling to unfamiliar places. Because Daniel’s sole purposes is just to get you from point A to point B without having argued with your travelling companion about left or right, forward or stop when the place we are going to is actually right under our nose.

Daniel reduced our travelling time and distance. We got to our destinations painlessly and quick. We surely love having Daniel stuck on Kamizi's car windshield telling us where to go, where to turn and when to stop. Many thanks to Kamizi who had redeemed his thousands of Maybank credit card points to Daniel the GARMIN Navigator.

With Daniel, you can never get pissed off at anything because if you are too stupid to follow his directions, which we did several times, he will keep giving a new route every time you screw up and make a wrong turn until we finally reach the destination.

It is quite brilliant indeed! (with Daniel’s British accent).

PENANG AFTER 16 YEARS: Intoduction to my holiday

2009-08-19T17:36:00.007+08:00

It all started when Kamizi was looking for some glittering shirt to wear for his MASholiday’s Year End dinner. The theme for the dinner was Glitter.

Needless to say more, I got just the right shirt for him to wear that I have never worn before for the obvious fact; It’s too glittery and it will instantly makes me look like a “Bangla” gone mental in a broad day light. But to wear such a shimmery and almost transparent piece of cloth to a theme party dinner, Oh! Yeah! It is so perfect!

The thing about this dinner was they have a competition for best, most glittering Liberace-styled for a male and female outfit. The winner for both categories will get a fabulous expensive stay at a 4-star resort in Penang.

And so with no competition from other middle-aged, beer-bellied male workers of MASholidays, Kamizi won himself a 2-night’s stay for two persons at Shangri-La’s Golden Sands Resort at Ferringhi Beach, Penang. It was only fair for Kamizi to bring no other else but me to this Resort. Otherwise, I would kill him with sarcasm and painful ungrateful disappointment words for years to come.

Actually, no! I was just kidding. I didn’t really mind if he wanted to bring somebody else for this Penang trip. But, I am sure I will get some fabulous I-feel-so-guilty-Souvenir from him after that. So either way I am cool!

After several dates changed to suit room availability and Kamizi’s Annual Leave approval, finally at 8am on the 14th of August, off we went for our adventure to the isle of Penang after 16 years the last time we were there.

To be continued!

(No Bins + Less Worker = Profit)= UNCIVILIZED

2009-08-18T10:51:00.009+08:00

As I am growing older in this city of mine, I noticed how fast we have grown. Seemed like it was just yesterday, I was waiting for a bus at Bandar Tasik Selatan to go to SOGO, KL. At that time, MRR2 Highway was probably still in the KIV files in some KL town planning office.

It was just this normal single road with trees and green grass along the road side. Big different now, even a 3-lane highway is still not enough to sustain thousands of cars with traffic jam to deal with everyday day on top of that.

There were no LRT around KL until the National Sports Complex at Bukit Jalil completed for the XVI Commonwealth Games in 1998. It was a huge deal to all of us and how modern we have become. I am so proud to be Malaysian and never otherwise. Mahathir sure did so much gazillion things to Malaysia’s success.

Nowadays, LRT is pretty much my main public transportation; dependable, air conditioned, cheap, on-time, clean and air-conditioned. Did I mention air-conditioned twice? Yup I did! With Malaysia’s weather is so fucking hot nowadays, I just cannot stand it sometimes. Is it just me or the weather really is hotter lately?

No wonder shopping malls are always filled with people wondering around not because they really want to shop or dine at restaurants or going to movies, but because shopping mall is like an outdoor activities that is indoor outside their houses that doesn’t feel like we are torturing ourselves trying to loose weight in saunas.

And then there’s this enticing and creative window display that bewitching us subconsciously to walk in the boutiques and the next thing we know, the plastic card already made it to the cashier paying with the money we don’t posses for the things we don’t need. It is all a conspiracy to trap people in the world of economics. And the retailers have the license to do so.

Back to my LRT, more and more people are using the service and one should experience what a pack little sardine can it is at the rush hour times in the morning. I for one lucky enough to avoid such experience as I am working on my own and my office located on the suburb area.

However I often take LRT to the city center for my business meetings, banking, buying supplies, social functions, shopping and many other chores. I couldn’t help but wonder though as the LRT is making more and more profits after so many years in operations, why aren’t they adding more wall mounted fans?

It only takes 5 minutes of walking for the heat to make me sweat profusely and not to mention walking up and down the stairs at the LRT stations and then wait for another 10 to 20 minutes for the train to come. By the time I reached my seat in the train, I am already dehydrated due to unstoppable sweat in the hot sunny day.

Every time I got stuck at the LRT station, Masjid Jamek for example, during rush hour between 5.00 pm to 7pm, there were huge concentrations of people standing bum to bum under a wall mounted fans. Haven’t they (LRT) figured out yet that these fans are very essential in giving people comfort while waiting for the train to arrive? Is it too much to ask?

With the increasing number of people commuting with LRT, I have also realized the increasing number of plastic wrappers, plastic bottles, i.e. assortments of earth- damaging trash, been thrown around. But then I was awakened like an electric shocked to the fact that there are actually very-very few trash bins anywhere. It’s like litter litter everywhere, not a bin to find!

I know what they are up to actually! They want to reduce the number of imported 3rd world country cleaning workers working on each LRT platforms. To them, by taking out all the trash bins off the LRT platforms will reduce the number of people throwing away trash at their bins. Thus, no bins around, less worker needed! No Bins + Less Worker = PROFIT.

The truth is, if the trash didn’t end up in their trash bins, they will end-up on the train track, the grounds, roads, side-walks, our drainage systems and eventually being push by the rain to our river. By the end of the day, all our ecological system got fucked-up just because there were no trash bins at LRT stations.

It’s the cycle of life! When we (the corporation) decided to be greedy and selfish, our Mother Nature always end-up taking the fall. To think that we have become smarter and civilized doesn’t really mean anything actually. Mother Nature -(No Bins + Less Worker = PROFIT) = UNCIVILIZED.

Where have all the civilizations gone? They are just bricks and metals and lack of humanity.

GOSSIP BOY: Celah Bedah!!!

2009-08-12T09:02:00.000+08:00

Sometimes in order for us to avoid from drowning in the sea of people, one has to swim up the most creative detestable gestures imaginable.

But before we get to that….

Confession: Mostly, I would download all my fascinating, interesting, fun shocking bits and pieces of malicious gossips when I ease-dropping at a public hang-out area, i.e. at a juice bar in a gym drinking my hot green tea reading my newspaper repeatedly while my headphones stuck in my ears playing nothing. Uhh! Huhh! You heard me! My iPod Touch was actually on a pause mode the whole time I was there.

Yup! I was gathering data. In a slightly more professional term, I was doing an investigative-spying like a desperate little reporter trying to meet deadline for some scandalous-juicy-tabloids on your supermarket aisle near the cashier counter.

No! I lied! I am not that desperate! But scandalous makes us smirk!

Back to the main issue, do we need to lower our self respect in order to advance our career as a popular dance instructor (ultimately) while the permanent professional instructor is on a long leave?

I have stopped my self from going to her class because I have realized that I was doing it all for the wrong reason. I was there just to annoy her! Initially, me and my 3 buddies who now has been deleted off her phone book, were going to her class wearing identical “Smiley Cheer-up” Giordano t-shirts. She despised my attendance in her class (so I heard) and that gives me the more reason to be there and tip her off with my lack of enthusiasm dancing mode of an entry level Dance Lesson 101.

Eventually, I have noticed that my existence in her class makes that sweaty hot dance studio crowded and send the wrong signal to the people outside the class that she could be an excellent, fun instructor that everyone should join. Oh! No! That’s not what I want!

Thus, I quit her little joint and “lepak” at the juice bar watching eager-muscle-gymmers drinking 100Plus and turn on my radar for juicy details.

Word has it that “Flashdance”-instructor here gave a birthday gift to some boy that she was not really close and now made that boy’s best friend AM annoyed! Seemed to me like she is trying to fish some new friends! But with the wrong fella and wrong gesture!

She didn’t even give R anything when she was organizing a little surprise birthday dinner for R at Bubba’s Gump last June. I mean, she was supposed to be really close to R at that time and very eager to please R. R got something from each and everyone of us but not from her. Weird!

And now, she gave AM’s best friend a birthday gift when in the first place she and AM are not in a hugs and kisses kind of friendship but more like a pat on a shoulder kind of friendship. Envious and territorial of each other! Her motive is questionable indeed! But who cares what the book says about her when we can read the “cover headline” in neon lights. Right!

I find it very opportunist to just give her not-so-good friend’s good friend a gift that doesn’t really matter when she didn’t even care for her own friend, R. Seems like she’s trying to “celah bedah” herself in to other people’s territory.

Well, good luck to ya! Be careful though, you might get yourself into a catfight someday. Kitty likes to scratch!

Personally I would prefer to watch you in a mud-wrestling. That would be something to cheer about!

Go Z go! Go Z go! Go Z go!

Zzzzzzzzzzzz!

Live Free!

GOSSIP BOY: Tsskkk! Tsskkk! Tsskkk!

2009-08-07T12:24:00.000+08:00

News travel so fast nowadays! With internet only a click away in our iPhone and Blackberry, we get to find out the juiciest news about our own back side only a few second travels from Susan to Cindy to Mike to Jane and back to me.

I heard that Z(Hobbit-Oprah of Middle Earth) deleted my sweet buddy L, R and J from her precious little Facebook friend list. L was a little bit sad by Z’s action for about 10 seconds. Nope, cut the zero and leave the 1 second only.

And then L was all smiling and said, “Aku tak rugi apa pun, ada aku kesah!”

Then my Sweetheart friend W from overseas sent me a short message said that J (Desperate Black-Widow) has made her lousy Blog into a Private Blog upon invitation only. Then I said…..”Aku tak rugi apa pun, ada aku kesah!”

Another sad gossip: I was told by someone that Z was really over confident doing her BJ class last Wednesday night with fewer followers than the week before. I counted! A friend asked me why I didn’t attend her dance-dance-dance the night away class. So I spoke the truth about the whole thing to him.

Z’s class is “syok sendiri” and if someone wanted to use her BJ class as a torturing device to kill me, they will succeed. I will surely die of boredom and a severe eyesore watching her believing what a fabulous little hobbit she is. So sad!

A little shout out to some friends….I supposed now the wind has changed. It’s time to migrate to the Friday BJ class and have fabulous times. I heard Z goes to that class too but as a follower. Errrmmmm! Suspicious! Spying and doing some un-official political act is more likely.

Z confessed to R buddy of mine long ago: “Dik, kat gym ni akak kena pandai politik sikit dik!” Proven guilty as charged!

But on the other hand, joining another BJ class will help Z to loose some of those fatty love handles around her waist, thunder thighs and everywhere there’s skin. A word of advice to Z, cut down your Nasi Lemak at Old Town from 2 plates at one time to 0 plate ok. There are other foods to eat too. Look at the menu again!

Tsskkkkk! Tssskkkk! Tsskkkk!

FAKE MONET!

2009-08-06T10:58:00.000+08:00

When I first went to FF Maxis, never in my right mind that I was planning to make friends with people or make enemy with anyone. But one thing led to another, shits start to happen. Why? Because, I open myself for new possibilities and believed that there are good things out there for me.

The true confession is I never really put priority to make friends with people. I always felt that I am happier by myself and with my existing set of friends. I always feel like the more people I know, the more complicated my life will be. And it’s true!

I cannot turn back time now and pretend that nothing happened. The situations with J (The desperate Black-Widow) and Z (The Hobbit-Oprah of Middle Earth) have gotten sour and now rotten. I could care less how good they rate themselves or how much lemmings that follow their fat asses. But it is surely entertaining to watch how they flock together in the gym with big silly smiles. God knows how much effort they put to ignore my existence among them breathing the same stale air in that gym.

But another true confession is I wish I didn’t know them at all in the first place. Woulda, shoulda, coulda, means its' too late now! They are just a bunch of counterfeit Monet paintings that deteriorating over time on your wall. You just need to watch them from far and away because if you come near them with a magnifying glass, all you see is just a bunch of ugly blotted of colors that doesn’t make sense and make your eye soar.

I think this is the time for me to throw these poison apples in the trash bin and let them rot and eaten by the rats.

Live Free!

Outing with Mak & Sis!

2009-08-05T13:15:00.000+08:00

For the longest times, my mom has been meaning to ask me if I could take her out for dinner and such. I am such a selfish son never even bother to ask if she needs anything at all.

After been told by my sis about my mom's wish, I took them to Dinner at Bangi on the 1st of August, to eat Satay and after that I brought them to the Festival Flora at Putrajaya 2009.

I was a little bit disappointed with the Floral Show at Putrajaya because the walking path around the exhibition area were not wheel-chair friendly. I couldn't push my mom to a lot of the places.

To think that we could come out with such grand flower show equivalent of an international exhibitions and cost millions of tax payer's money and they couldn't even get the pathways right and forgot the physically challenged citizens. I wonder who actually responsible for designing the landscape layout of the whole exhibition. They shouldn't be used again next year!

By 9.00 pm, we were so tired and sweaty after walking around the exhibition. I bought mom some KFC to take home. And we reached home about 9.30pm.

It was a great day with my mom! I am happy to have been able to take her out to see the world.

I love you mom!

A Day In Fitness First!

2009-07-31T09:06:00.000+08:00

CONFESSION: Lately I felt that my hard work at the gym been interrupted by many petty little things and always end up with more than a week of absent from the gym every time due to sick.

CONFESSION: I have lost my "mojo" to achieve my own personal goal at getting bulging muscles due to too much social life. Instead, my bulging is growing in my belly!

As usual, I went to the gym last night. I came quite early around 6 pm and so I started of my gym routine with talking to AO. AO is such a friendly helpful little guy who knows a lot about techniques and knew that he has the right muscles to show off. Since my attempt at growing muscles and “urrkkh ahhh!” on my own alone at every gym equipment has been fruitless. I have to seek professional or at least experienced personnel help.

AO is the only one that rings the bell and perfectly suited to be willing to share his valuable knowledge with others. Despite my eagerness and my big smiley face joking around with AO, I felt extremely awkward and embarrassed to be trained by a muscle boy. AO did his best to make me feel at ease and I managed to hide my embarrassment.

Truth is I am not used to be friendly around people that already excel at what I am just beginning to start. Let alone the motive for my friendliness is to pick their brains or more likely to steal away their knowledge. My face skin started to thicken and it felt kind of numb. Even to smile hurts my face muscle. So babbling about nonsense seemed to be naturally churned out of my mouth 5 words per second. I felt so productively pathetic!

After about an hour spent with AO, he taught me to work the muscle on my shoulder using 3 different techniques that I have never used before. I felt such an idiot and a looser through out our male muscle bonding session as I was such a Nancy couldn’t even carry a light weight dumbbell. Definitely need to do something about my energy level. Drinking those Gatorade with a touch of Steroid if I could get my hands on it will surely help! Otherwise a can or two of Red Bull will do to keep me energized in the gym.

I find it a bit ironic that I would actually yawn after several reps of metal pumping. At that stage, my eyes should be awaken like a beacon in the night sky like I just been injected with a pure caffeine extracted from 20 cups of coffee. Immediately I would hide my embarrassing yawn by pretending looking down at my shoe lace or cover my face with face towel as if I am wiping off my sweats.

Somehow, yawing in the gym sends the wrong signal to my fellow enthusiastic gym buddies (or more likely to be my gym strangers) that reflected my self as a lazy bum on my way downhill to marshmallow land and just pretending to be busy stretching my limping muscles.

If I were given $5,000 for free and choose either to become a member of a gym forever or walk the stairs to my Lipo Suction operating room. I would choose the stairs. That would save me a lot of walking and running in pain just to loose several inches of my waist size. That short stair walking exercise to the operating room will successfully take out several inches of my belly within several hours. But then again in reality, all I have is some energy to pump and no cash in my pocket. I’d better stick to my own energy for now.

To AO, thank you for spending some valuable time with me. I absolutely appreciate everything you did.

LIVE FREE!
Dwen

My Music, My Passion, My PWL

2009-07-28T14:52:00.000+08:00

I was first introduced to the music that truly belongs in my heart when I was 16 years old. At this time all I did was hang around my brother Anuar who was my source of music information. He was an equivalent of my Smash Hits Magazines that I bought secretly every month. I had to hide my stash of imported British magazines because my pocket money was supposed to be used to buy study supply materials and books and food at the school canteen. Instead I found a better way to use for the money I collected from my dad every morning on school days that better suited my indulgence….all in the name of music.

PWL is the name of the record company based in London and it stands for Pete Waterman Limited. They were comprised of Mike Stock, Matt Aitken and Pete Waterman as the main song writers and producers. Thus they often called themselves as Stock Aitken Waterman.

These three geniuses were the people behind many successful singers and have made famous so many unknown singers with such infectious new breed of song genre which I call PWL. Their songs have its own special trademark and only people who used to listening to them would be able to indentify between Stock Aitken Waterman songs and the faux sound alike.

The first time I listened to Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley on a radio late 1987, I instantly hypnotized by the music. Soon after that I realized that it was not the singer that I am loyal to, but to the song writers that produced it. The songs they produced completely changed the way I looked at the music industry. I realized that British Music suited better to my taste than American Music.

Later the same year, Kylie Minogue released a fast fun single called I should Be So Lucky. It was an instant hit in my own music world. I just couldn’t get enough of Stock Aitken Waterman and kept looking for more. Then I bought my first cassette of Rick Astley title Whenever You Need Somebody. Followed by Kylie Minogue of I should Be So Lucky, Jason Donovan of Ten Good Reasons and Big Fun’s only album with Stock Aitken Waterman title Pocketful Of Promises.

At this time, the British Chart Attack was shown every week on the TV. I got another source of information of who were the new Stock Aitken Waterman’s artists. I never missed a single show every week because I needed to see their videos and what were their positioned in the chart. I have became somewhat obsessed with their music. This was the only thing that made me looking forward to every week. I was so happy!

Amazingly, most of the songs that were produced by the trio reached to the top ten and hit the top spot. By this time, I have gathered a bunch of artists that bear PWL label as Rick Astley and Kylie Minogue; and they were Bananarama, Jason Donovan, Sonia, Sinitta, Big Fun, Donna Summer, Lonnie Gordon, Brother Beyond, Dead or Alive, Hazell Dean, Mel & Kim, Pat & Mick, Sybil, Mandy Smith and many more.

And now after more than 20 years that I have been listening to all their songs, I still find myself enjoying PWL’s creations and not a day that I would forget to not listening to them. Stock Aitken Waterman’s song has became part of my own culture. My life evolved around their music and I would find songs that can suit every emotion that I feel. Nowadays I devoted myself to collecting their unreleased tracks, rare remixes and songs that I never get to own from the internet or from the second hand Music Stores.

Apart from my families, my pets and my 5 best friends; PWL music is the only other things that have been sticking with me through all these years. You would not know me completely if you don’t know about my passion for my PWL music.

Cry Baby Cry!

2009-07-27T13:15:00.000+08:00

Please Read "A touching msg from an old friend.." posted by Jenny at My Simple Life http://jnyelly.blogspot.com/

Below is my reply....

Dear Cry Baby,

I find this a little bit hilarious that you would still ponder on this issue and feel such a sad victim in all these. Doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel sad or cry about what happened between us means that I am not a victim of situation like you. And it doesn’t mean that you are not mean or evil or manipulative conniving little soul just because you can disguise people with your cry-like-a-baby acting.

But naturally guys will be the bad bastards when a girl cries right? It’s kind of like the organic rules of human! Ladies first whenever the door is open, or the food is served, or escaping from a crashed plane right? So, whatever happened to the guys? We have to live with hardship and second rate treatment. And guess what, we are conditioned to live hard and not to cry like you girls. But don’t you think for once that you are better than me or deserve better of any treatment just because you PMS on monthly basis. Got it!

You only see what you want to see and seek sympathy from Cilla, Zaza and your other sympathetic friends. God knows what other version of “truth” you fed to them. And I bet all those lengthy emails and SMS that you have been sending to me, R n L were done behind Cilla’s back and I am sure she wouldn’t approve of what you did. Because what you did was just to get more sympathy and make your life sadder like a victim.

You know, over the years, I have transform from one naïve-little-fella to learning-the truth-little-fella to I’ve-lost-my-cool and don’t you even think about stepping on my head kind of fella. But underneath it all, I am still the same person who has grown matured and evolved to be stronger on my own.

I will always read your blogs and I keep every little emails and SMS you sent to me so that if anything you said in the future is contradicted with what you accused of me, I will make it public. Along with all your other miss-behavior emails of screaming at fellow workers and other people… I know it all. And it didn’t come from that person that you hate the most…Linda. It came from various sources and it’s shocking that you actually have a rather psychotic reputation. Get some professional help will you!

I already caught you twisted some story about someone and bad-mouthed someone else. I supposed, next time you read what I wrote to you carefully because if your English comprehension is rather average….Read the emails several times. Thank God we keep what we wrote and showed it to that someone that you twisted the story you miss-little-innocent-twisterella. And now that person understood what we wrote and understood what you trying to do. Shame on you “miss victim”. Shame shame shame!!!!

You have a great day ok…. Looking forward to read your next BLOG!

Live Free!

Gossip boy!

Bring It On!

2009-07-27T13:05:00.000+08:00

Some people have just gotten bored with the dance routine and tired-ass music played week after week at some gym. Although the Head Cheerleader is so enthusiastically played her political part among the members and showed strong “Cheer-tator-ship” to fellow dancers wannabe. That air was smelling stale and pretentious last wednesday night!

Some hardcore gymnast-gone-mental cheerleaders decided to skip last night class and tried with other cheerleading group at other places. This is somewhat shocking news to some people. Maybe the HC should start giving special “Loyalty Card” to some members that undividedly supporting and religiously attending Wednesday night class and awarded them with points that can be redeemed as special treatments; namely a door-to-door transportation service perhaps? But some have just decided to boycott the class for not having similar “tune” with the HC. That is another shocking news ain’t it? Hush! Hush!

A few people sneaked out in the middle of the class for the same reasons; stale music, stale dance routine and the steps are a bit too precise. Precisions placed the “un” in front of the “fun”. Sometimes it’s not the steps but the ways the steps are carried out are too serious. It was like forcing someone to eat a bunch of Keropok Ikan that have been left out in the open for a day. That Keropok have turned stale and chewy and hard to swallow!

Here are some confessions recorded on my un-official mole-CNN’s mobile last night, “The class was no fun because I was not there!” Confessed an unnamed ex-cheerleading hardcore member. “Well, I am not going to torture myself, so I left!” Confessed another newly joined soon-to-be-mental cheerleader.

Well folks, just go and have fun will you. And don’t let anyone yell in front of your face to smile when you are supposed to be smiling anyway.

Anyhow, this is just a gossip!!!

Gossip Boy.