Bridges Burned!

Recently I felt like my life almost came to an end with my friends because of the decisions I made. At some point in my friendship with people, I made it clear that I do not like to mix my old friends with my new ones. Somehow there are no clear lines to draw the limit and it’s kind of hard to explain.

Well, to shorten a lengthy drama, I got pissed and jealous of my long time girl friends ATB, MTB and MKW who befriended with my new guy friend. I have made it very clear clear to my guy friend that I do not like for him befriended with my 3 girl friends and sort of asked him to let them go indirectly and subtly. But he did anyway, sneaky and unfaithful.

Somehow, my request to ask my guy friend to leave my girl friends were not important enough to him and I discovered that they have been exchanging phone numbers and have been communicating via SMS everyday.

The day I found out that MKW has been so frequently SMS’ing my guy friend behind my back, I confronted all three of them that very same evening and asked them why they suddenly became so close to him? I was pretty much so disappointed, sad and pissed to the point that I told them to choose between my guy friend and me.

Well, 2 of them were shocked of my action, but MKW was so GLADLY to delete her Facebook account and just quickly ignored me. She didn’t even try to ask why I did such a drastic action towards her or three of them. As if she was guilty of being sneaky behind my back and accepted her punishment. As if I am not worthy of anything to her! As if the mistake I made is bigger than a murder and therefore she has to punish me to a lifetime of isolation.

As a human being I am bound to make mistake and hurt other people. I am bound to be emotional and frantic every once and a while when shits happen my way. But as a normal human also, I learned to accept the hard way my own wrong doing and mistakes. And let go of my own ego, thicken my face and swallow that bitter pills.

If my two other girl friends could tell my face that they demanded me to explain and didn’t accept my decision. Why can’t MKW do the same? We have been known each other much longer than the other two. But the weird thing though, I have met the other two in person but I have never met with MKW at all.

Even when she SMS me her picture, it’s always kind of blur and every time she’s in KL, there’s always something that block us from meeting. To some point I felt weird because I realized that she never really tried to meet me. She seemed really care about our friendship but never show strong interest to meet in person. Is there something wrong with me or her?

Normally when this kind of scenario happens I can only think of one thing though, she never really cared for me or our friendship. She is afraid of a commitment and preparing herself to let go of people when she feels like with no remorse. Just look at the way she dumped me. She spoke her peace so quickly so that she can leave me guiltless with no debt or regret. She didn’t answer my SMS or pick up my call.

It was kind of funny though that I was yelled at, cried and forced to speak the truth to the other two friends because they didn’t want to accept no as an answer and try so hard to stop me from leaving them. But by the end of the day, it wasn’t me who burned my bridges with my friends but MKW.

I was told by MTB that MKW felt so angry and disappointed with me. Seemed to me that she found a so called “valid reason” to delete me off her friend list! Seem to me more like her ego that was doing the decision and disguised under a cloak of anger and disappointment towards me.

And off course! She got away with murder when I am being punished for my sin. And to her maybe it’s OK to just discard friends like me that she thought complicate her life, disappoint her or break her heart. But over the course of 3 years we have known each other, we always talked and advised each other when we did wrong.

This time she just took the easy exit and fly away and “innocently” told me “please just pretend like we never known each other before this”. It was that easy and rather cold of her! She never even once tried to ask me why? I felt so worthless and disposable!

To have a friend, one just needed to ask for a name or an SMS will do. To be good friends one must know each other for a long time. But to be best friends forever, one must be with each other through the years of ups and downs of bad and happy times together.

Just remember sometimes even your own blood children would not care for you when you are old, sick, bossy and cranky. They would rather send you to the old folk homes. Adopted children on top of that, well need I say more? They have other relatives too and many restrictions, religiously and legally. Good luck to that!

Just remember that we are all make mistakes and must learn to accept and let go of our big ego head. This time I don’t think it’s all about me after all. It was a test for all of us actually!

Live and learned and it’s never too late to change!

Gulai Rendang Maman dengan Ayam

Gulai Maman dengan Ayam adalah satu masakan kebesaran penduduk di kampung aku, iaitu di Kg Geduk sejak aku masih kecil lagi ketika di sekolah rendah. Tetapi selepas tahun demi tahun, masakan Maman ini menjadi kegemaran penduduk di kawasan Gemenchech secara amnya.

Bukan sahaja Melayu, bahkan kaum Cina juga sangat pandai memasak Gulai rendang maman dengan ayam kampung ini. Ianya adalah suatu masakan yang dinanti-natikan sewaktu makan bersama keluarga di malam terakhir berbuka puasa dan di pagi Raya pertama.

Di hari perayaan seperti di bulan Puasa dan di Hari Raya, ramai pekebun akan menjual sayur maman segar mereka di tepi2tepi jalan raya, dipasar tani dan dipasar Gemenchech.

Maman memerlukan santan segar dan pekat yang banyak. Mengikut sukatan yang diberi oleh kakak aku, seekor ayam + 2 kg maman + 4-6 biji santan pekat. Gulai ini akan berminyak dan pekat seperti rendang. Bahan-bahan nya adalah sgt mudah...Kita cuma memerlukan ayam, maman, santan pekat, kunyit segar, cili padi, asam keping, asam jawa dan garam secukupnya.

Sila lihat cara-cara kakak saya memasak Gulai Rendang Maman dengan Ayam dibawah.

Maman segar yang sudah di kerat, dipilih dan di basuh. Tos kan air basuhan didalam bakul.



Kecutkan ayam bersama kunyit dan cili api yang sudah di lumatkan. Masak sehingga sebati.



Ayam yg sudah kecut dan sebati.


Masukkan Santan pekat ke dalam kuali.


Kacau adunan sehingga mendidih dan ayam masak sepenuhnya bersama santan.


Keluarkan semula ayam tadi kerana masakan ini perlu di teruskan lagi sehingga santan berminyak. Ayam akan menjadi hancur sekiranya di masak berterusan.


Teruskan memasak kuah maman itu tadi sehingga santan berminyak. Hendaklah sentiasa dikacau supaya santan tidak hangus di bahagian bawah nya.




Masukkan Maman dan biarkan maman itu layu sendiri didalam kuali. Jangan kacau buat seketika kerana mengikut petuanya, maman yg dikacau akan menjadi pahit.


Masukkan air asam jawa. Air Asam jawa akan menjadikan gulai maman menjadi lebih perisa. Ramai di kalangan penggemar gulai maman tidak tahu mengenai peranan asam jawa di dalam Gulai Maman. Kebanyakannya tidak akan memasukkan air asam jawa ini.








Maman tadi terus dimasak lagi sehingga terbit minyak dan maman menjadi sebati.





Ayam tadi dimasuk kan semula kedalam kuali dan kacau masakan sehingga sebati dan berminyak.













Maman yang sudah siap dimasak dan sedia untuk hidangan.

Mengikut kata ibu dan nenek aku, gulai maman hendaklah mempunyai minyak santan seperti yang dilihat didalam gambar diatas. Barulah Gulai ini "menjadi". Tentang rasa pula, mesti mempunyai rasa lemak, pedas cili api, rasa masam sedikit dari asam keping & perisa dari air asam jawa.

Kadang-kadang rasa pahit dari Maman masih ada. Pada aku rasa pahit itu membuatkan Gulai maman ini lebih "kick". Tetapi ada segelintir penggemar maman berpendapat, rasa pahit dari maman menunjukkan tukang masaknya belum expert lagi.

Walau apa pun, Gulai Rendang Maman dengan Ayam ini adalah tersangat sedap in the world I tell you. hehehehehe!

Selamat mencuba resepi Ibu aku ini.

Dwen.

Sepagi di Pasar Tani Gemenchech Aku.

Kak Ni tengah sibuk memilih sayur MAMAN di salah satu gerai.... Maman masak Lemak Rendang Cili Api dengan Ayam kampung is so fuckin delicious. Huhuhu!



Pilih lah yang mana satu....timbunan Maman... Sodap botul sumo ni ha!!!



Kak Ni terserempak dengan Acik Tom...apa lagi terus lar berbual pasal sodaro maro den...Den kek situ amik gambar yo macam wartawan Kosmo....Buek malu yo!



Bahan-bahan lain yang diperlukan untuk memasak Rendang Cili Api Maman ialah Kunyit Segar, Cili Padi dan Serai. Santan pekat yang banyak juga diperlukan...

Balik Kampung di Bulan Puasa

Balik kampung di bulan puasa....dalam perjalanan menaiki Kelisa Adik aku.


Nostalgia....gambar lama sedara mara...


Tangga batu rumah...style lama dengan tiles dari tahun 70an.


Ruang meja makan....


Ruang Tamu rumah aku....Lampu berangkai tu cuma hiasan aje...

Once Upon A Time.......

We hear how families, friends and people we know diagnosed with uncured diseases all the times. The minute we heard the news we became numb and speechless. The magnitude of shock that hit us was just too huge to bear.

Life is never fair to all of us and never promised anything easy. Sometime, a non-smoker, non-alcohol drinker, strict organic food consumer are still end up with the worst bad news ever of sickness from their GP. These fatal diseases came without warning or signs.

The calculation is so way off sometimes and don’t add up at all but still we end up with the same bad luck. Where did we go wrong?

Sometimes we know that our lifestyles already promised us something bad in the later life but never got it. There were many times also where we are punished for the obvious lifestyles that we have such as smoking and cancer, has become so synonym with each other.

Despite the strict warning from the health department, we still smoke cigarettes night and day. Unstoppable, guiltless and fearless!

Promiscuous lifestyle is another disaster in the making for anyone who is not careful. Despite the availability of “rubber” everywhere, we still neglect ourselves for the protection it offered. It only took one mistake to fuck our lives a lifetime with sickness and shame. It’s funny how we would gamble a lifetime of healthy living with a 15 minute of pleasure.

Nothing promises us anything anymore though. If you don’t end up with cancer or HIV or H1N1, we are at high risk with so many other diseases. One might as well choose which disease they prefer to have instead of surprised with one.

We often wish that we woulda, coulda, shoulda when everything is too late. The perfect life that we dreamed of has become a fairy tale that started with once upon a time when we tell.

There’s only one thing we could do though, we must learn to accept our fate and deal with problems as they come and make the best of everything.

Life is too short to be angry to ourselves, other people or God all the times.

I Gave Up!

There are certain things and issues in my life right now that I am not willing to deal with, share or fight for. I just felt that these complicated life issues are just too petty to be given a fight.

It urkks me when a friend started to compare what I did for other friend and what I did less for him. And then started to nit picked me on issues that are way passed his bed time. I am too old for all these and once or twice in my life when I was young I already had dealt with all these.

For a guy in the late thirties, I just don’t have the patient to deal with early twenty-something people who think they know about life and friendship and thought that he is more well verse than a person 10 years older than him. So for me to fight about whose friend should do what and so forth, this is just the kind of issue that I would just let go. Not worth my time to even think it.

So, today I deleted some 18 people of common friends on my Facebook that I share with a friend because I do not need another headache from him asking why this and why that. I gave up interrogation over peace anytime!

I feel so sorry to these people!

These people I have deleted are definitely worth a friendship for but I’ve decided that from now on, I am not going to share my friends anymore. Nor I will join any social gathering with his friends either. I will be strict about all these!

I will keep myself to myself. I will be myself and ask what I want most for my happiness. I will be less forgiving and less pleasing. The more I give, the more it will be less enough. Ultimately, it all became bird shit that fell on my head!

And if my happiness is in jeopardy, I will drastically decide what’s best for me and I will gave it all up and fly.

I am not afraid to fly!

Global Warming Of My Life

There have been so many shits I went through all these years. And one thing that I realized lately is that some things will keep repeating it self. There’s nothing I can do about it because that’s just the way our lives spin in this world.

I have seen broken relationship happens faster than the NOKIA technology evolves. I thought seeing new NOKIA phones keep changing in the store window every fortnight is such a fast development of technology. But I have seen also broken relationship happens faster than that. It’s so sad!

This is not just about me but about others too. I have evolved from (1) being naïve loving person unconditionally like love is blind kind of love, (2) to loving with conditions for survival issues and finally to (3) stay if you love me, hit the road if you don’t.

1. What can I say? I was young, new to life and so naïve of all things. I just went with the flow and lived my life as normal as possible with so much love in my heart that I felt so warm and filled with content each and everyday of my life. Until the true colors came out. The controlling, lying and cheating chapter.

Then I started to let go of myself and learned a thing or two about what is best for me.

2. Then I got to another level of my ozone layer where I managed to compensate a not so good love with surviving a living issue. Vague career path that leads to a misty road of life was just too scary. But at least at that time I had someone who could hold my hand while I was walking in the dark finding my light of sureness. Finally, I arrived to my peaked of my career and opened my eyes to the suckiness of love that I have been endured all the years.

Then I started to brave myself to create my own happy path to life and venture on my own.

3. After living in and out of relationships, I have realized at some point I do need someone in my life. Especially my friends. But to some stage of friendship, friendship love and lover’s love are two different things and brought different feelings to my heart. I needed both loves although I know that lover’s love can damage myself to the core.

In fact, I had been damaged by it several times before. Still I go for more but now with a different frequency and conditions as an insurance for protection.

I have become somewhat complicated but independent. Everything centered in my heart first. Nothing can break the layer of thick armor covering it.

I have evolved myself to another way of life where I could accept when it’s there or just let it go and move on when it’s gone. No more holding on to the past and nothing matters anymore but me.

It is like the melting of the ice cap, the increase of the temperature and the changing of the environment; what I am going through now is just another global warming of my life.

It may break or make me!