Mostly when I write something it’s because I was angry at someone or something. There’s always something about dissatisfaction that fuel me to such epic eruptions. Usually, when this happens I would normally able to express my feelings like a blaze of fire. I got too wrapped up in my own drama mess.
I have this short temper that I inherit from my late father. I love him so much but this part of him has become a part of me that I do not like. I can see how I become so much more like him everyday, as I am getting older.
I get impatient when I do things and started to rush on doing my chores. And if I screw it up I get so angry at myself and started to curse and call myself stupid, idiot and all the mean nouns. There are times when I literally hit my head with things that can hurt me. To some point, I felt uncontrollable with my own anger. It was more like a self punishment kind of thing and I seldom do this to other people. Unless I was provoked, cornered or badgered with issues that really bothers me.
Sometimes I thought was it because I really wanted to be perfect at everything that I become some kind of mental and full of anger at myself for my failures? The bad thing is that the small little things that got me so angry and not the big ones. It was almost on the verge of being pathetic than psychotic.
I was told by someone really close to me at one time. She said that sometimes we become cold, impatient, full of resentment, anger and bitterness towards life because our hearts had become dull and lost due to distance from Allah and religion.
I sort of agree to this! I remember how my level of devout has been on a rollercoaster ride pretty much all these years. The rule of thumb is, when I am in trouble and need help, I will be back to my praying mat and started giving it at least 3 times a day.
Even when I am in trouble I failed to give my requested 5 times a day of praying discipline. So what happen when everything is on a roll and no disaster? This is when I started to get free and easy on the praying and focus more on my pathetic daily life. I will surely be burned in hell for all the sins and bad things I did. But how far will I allow myself to go on an on without realizing the importance of living as a devout Muslim? Until some life and death situations comes at my door and leave me with a package of no more options?
I have seen some of my friends faced this situation and drastically forced to change their lifestyles. From drinking wine for breakfast in the morning to passed out at 11.00pm after 5 glasses of wine on a daily routine to praying 5 times a day no matter where and how difficult the situations are, he still find a place to pray. At least the good side of getting bad news is we got second chance to correct our life and become a better person. Consider that life and death package was a special-warning-delivery from God to make us realize how small we are and how short life can be.
Sometimes I get so jealous of some people who get to jet set everywhere all over the world. Get to see other countries, enjoying clubbing in New York, sipping café latte on the road side of Paris Café, shopping at Oxford Street, taking a boat ride along the Sydney Opera House and so much more. But the things that I have come to realized all these years, after all the disappointments and jealousness towards my jet setting friends, life is not what it seems actually. There are more to life than just a beautiful picture with an Eiffel Tower in the back ground on their Facebook.
Generally, people just love to tell their beautiful romance stories and enjoy watching other people awe at them. But the truth behind these colorful pictures and beautiful smiles is like the crumbs that swept under the carpet. Nobody knows the dark side content behind that perfect cover they portray.
It is true that nothing last forever and the best things that we have are the things that we have and not what other people have. Comparing me to my other friends who get to enjoy everything that I dream and make it their reality is just not fair to me.
God definitely has plans for everyone. And when something bad or good happens, I couldn’t help but wonder, when is it going to end and what’s going to come out next? So that’s why I stop myself from feeling sorry for not able to enjoy the things that other people have. I make my own happiness and my own set of rules. Not really strict rules but something that has loop holes here and there so that I could make changes as and when I need to without restrictions that could bind me to the floor or put me in a guilty bin.
The thing is after all these notions and emotions laid out in the open, have I grown up to be a better person? I think the answer is yes! I realized now how life go, who to forgive, what to forget and how I could find my own peace when something bad strike me right in my heart. By the end of the day, one cannot be too rigid on his or her own set of strict morale code. So rigid that it was fueled by ego and hate.
I surely do not want to be like the person that I used to when I was 25 years old. Back then I was so naïve, empty and bland. I was depending on my older or superior friends to make decisions for myself; it came down to the smallest detail such as what my hair styles should be like. Absolutely no back bone, limping and so fragile!
I think now is the era where I start sharing with people what it’s like to be a mature adult and know what I am doing. And I actually know the real meaning of the word “been there, done that”. It is such a cliché but its all valid now in my own vocabulary of life.
Yes! I have grown up!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
RUMAH IMPIAN, IMPIAN TERLEPAS
Pagi tadi semasa aku tengah drive nak pergi kerja, aku berangan lagi mengenai rumah impian aku. Hentahlah, aku selalu berangan nak memiliki rumah yang cantik, ada laman yang luas di sebelah rumah untuk aku berkebun dan melepaskan kucing-kucing kesayangan aku.
Tetapi bila aku fikir semula reality kewangan aku sekarang dengan umur aku yang hampir mencecah 40 tahun ini, aku rasa sampai mati pun aku tak kan merasa tinggal didalam rumah yang cantik and luas seperti yang diidamkan.
Lebih kurang 5-6 tahun dulu, aku beli sebiji rumah bangalo dari sepupu aku Liza and Affendi. Mereka bercerai, jadi rumah yang mereka baru beli bersama terpaksa dijual. Selepas aku melihat bangalo tu di Lavender Heights, Senawang, Aku terus jatuh cinta dan beli property itu. Semuanya berjalan lancar, aku keluarkan wang simpanan aku, bayar 10% dari harga rumah itu dan tidak lama kemudian aku pun pindah masuk bersama dengan Chomel, Sultan dan Cotton.
Tetapi tanpa kusedari, rupanya, sepupu aku dan ex-suami dia tak pernah bayar satu sen pun ke bank mereka setiap bulan sebelum aku masuk dan hutang mereka dengan bank menjadi bertimbun-timbun…selepas dua tahun aku dok disana, dan selepas aku berbelanja melebihi RM60,000 terhadap rumah idaman aku itu, aku dihalau keluar. Sebabnya, pihak bank tidak boleh beri hak sepenuhnya rumah itu kepada aku melainkan aku tambah sebanyak RM30,000 lebih lagi kepada bank. Mana aku nak korek duit lagi?
Aku menjadi buntu dan merasa sungguh sedih, sesal dan kecewa dengan semua nie sebab aku terpaksa bakar segala pelaburan aku kat rumah tu begitu sahaja. Dalam sekelip mata aku dari berumah Banglo menjadi homeless. Selepas 2 tahun menginap dirumah itu, aku keluar dan menumpang tinggal di rumah Azaham di Seri Kembangan.
Sudah nasib aku macam ni, aku terima sahaja dan teruskan kehidupan. Tetapi selepas beberapa tahun tinggal di apartment Azaham, aku sudah mula rasa terasing dan sedih semula. Aku ingin tingal di rumah aku sendiri. Aku tak boleh duduk dirumah orang dah. Dah tak larat tinggal di rumah kawan yang aku tak boleh buat apa-apa pun. Aku tak boleh ubah suai rumah ini. Aku tak boleh letak kucing2 kesayangan aku. Aku tak boleh gantung lukisan dan hiasan di dinding. Store room pun kena kemas sentiasa dan aku terpaksa punggah kotak-kotak yang sudah disusun rapi bila aku nak ambil apa-apa. Semuanya dah tak seperti dulu, free and easy orang kata.
Aku tak boleh buat sesuka hati aku. Aku menumpang belas kasihan seorang kawan. Aku menggunakan kemudahan yang dimiliki oleh orang. Aku terasa seperti seorang parasit diatas dahan pokok yang indah. Hidup sementara dan tiada masa depan.
Aku tersekat dengan batasan aku sendiri…kewangan. Aku sekarang dok membayar hutang yang beribu-ribu setiap bulan di atas kesilapan aku yang dahulu dan tak mampu untuk menyimpan walau seratus pun untuk masa tua aku. Aku hidup dari bulan ke bulan disetiap bulan. Setiap sen gaji aku semuanya sudah ada tempat yang akan “dicampak” kan. Aku rasa hati aku sebak dan sebu! Aku tidak sedih tetapi rasa buntu dengan hutang yang tiada hentinya.
Aku tahu perbelanjaan aku agak “berlebihan” selalu. Orang akan cakap daripada beli Beg Burberry yang berharga seribu ringgit, lebih baik letak di dalam ASB dan biarkan dia beranak sendiri dihujung tahu. Memang betul, aku dengan designer taste aku, CK, Burberry, Zara, Prada, Gucci, tralili-tralala….semuanya pembaziran. What can I say?
Tetapi kalau aku fikir semula, tak logic kalau aku kerja kuat setiap bulan untuk membayar hutang piutang sahaja seumur hidup aku. Betul tak? Takkan aku tak boleh nak hiburkan hati, buat retail therapy sebagai “hadiah” ke atas situasi aku yang dah already merunsing kan ini. Life is too short to just look at beautiful things and walk away. I want to have them in my possession and enjoy them. I do! Kadang-kadang aku rasa sungguh enjoy dan puas hati selepas aku beli jacket Calvin Klein koleksi yang paling latest kat KLCC. Aku rasa puas sampai kan termimpi-mimpi.
Kalau beli designer beg, lagi lah. Aku rasa macam nak tidur dengan Beg baru tu. Tetapi aku selalunya akan sorok kan semua designer goods aku yang baru di atas almari aku. Sebab aku tak mahu kawan2 aku nampak yang aku ada “benda” baru ini. Aku tak suka kalau dorang fikir yang aku ni kaya. Aku tak kaya, aku cuma tidak takut untuk berbelanja. Itu sahaja. And I know that I deserve it!
Aku tau dengan cara ini juga membuatkan aku tidak putus asa dengan segala hutang piutang di bank yang tiada hentinya dengan interest yang beranak pinak. At least aku rasa terhibur sekali sekala dengan pembelian yang cantik dan berharga.
Mungkin satu hari nanti aku akan end up dengan designer bags aku sahaja dan aku terpaksa bungkus-bungkus kan nya jadikan rumah. Sebab kalau aku fikirkan semula harga2 beg aku tu, dah berpuluh ribu aku berbelanja. Hanya bank sahaja yang tahu!
Tetapi my ultimate dream is to have my own home. A beautiful house for me, my loving cats and my beautiful orchids. But for now, semuanya masih blur, masih berkabus dan masih jauh dari harapan aku.
My clock is ticking but I am stuck!
Tetapi bila aku fikir semula reality kewangan aku sekarang dengan umur aku yang hampir mencecah 40 tahun ini, aku rasa sampai mati pun aku tak kan merasa tinggal didalam rumah yang cantik and luas seperti yang diidamkan.
Lebih kurang 5-6 tahun dulu, aku beli sebiji rumah bangalo dari sepupu aku Liza and Affendi. Mereka bercerai, jadi rumah yang mereka baru beli bersama terpaksa dijual. Selepas aku melihat bangalo tu di Lavender Heights, Senawang, Aku terus jatuh cinta dan beli property itu. Semuanya berjalan lancar, aku keluarkan wang simpanan aku, bayar 10% dari harga rumah itu dan tidak lama kemudian aku pun pindah masuk bersama dengan Chomel, Sultan dan Cotton.
Tetapi tanpa kusedari, rupanya, sepupu aku dan ex-suami dia tak pernah bayar satu sen pun ke bank mereka setiap bulan sebelum aku masuk dan hutang mereka dengan bank menjadi bertimbun-timbun…selepas dua tahun aku dok disana, dan selepas aku berbelanja melebihi RM60,000 terhadap rumah idaman aku itu, aku dihalau keluar. Sebabnya, pihak bank tidak boleh beri hak sepenuhnya rumah itu kepada aku melainkan aku tambah sebanyak RM30,000 lebih lagi kepada bank. Mana aku nak korek duit lagi?
Aku menjadi buntu dan merasa sungguh sedih, sesal dan kecewa dengan semua nie sebab aku terpaksa bakar segala pelaburan aku kat rumah tu begitu sahaja. Dalam sekelip mata aku dari berumah Banglo menjadi homeless. Selepas 2 tahun menginap dirumah itu, aku keluar dan menumpang tinggal di rumah Azaham di Seri Kembangan.
Sudah nasib aku macam ni, aku terima sahaja dan teruskan kehidupan. Tetapi selepas beberapa tahun tinggal di apartment Azaham, aku sudah mula rasa terasing dan sedih semula. Aku ingin tingal di rumah aku sendiri. Aku tak boleh duduk dirumah orang dah. Dah tak larat tinggal di rumah kawan yang aku tak boleh buat apa-apa pun. Aku tak boleh ubah suai rumah ini. Aku tak boleh letak kucing2 kesayangan aku. Aku tak boleh gantung lukisan dan hiasan di dinding. Store room pun kena kemas sentiasa dan aku terpaksa punggah kotak-kotak yang sudah disusun rapi bila aku nak ambil apa-apa. Semuanya dah tak seperti dulu, free and easy orang kata.
Aku tak boleh buat sesuka hati aku. Aku menumpang belas kasihan seorang kawan. Aku menggunakan kemudahan yang dimiliki oleh orang. Aku terasa seperti seorang parasit diatas dahan pokok yang indah. Hidup sementara dan tiada masa depan.
Aku tersekat dengan batasan aku sendiri…kewangan. Aku sekarang dok membayar hutang yang beribu-ribu setiap bulan di atas kesilapan aku yang dahulu dan tak mampu untuk menyimpan walau seratus pun untuk masa tua aku. Aku hidup dari bulan ke bulan disetiap bulan. Setiap sen gaji aku semuanya sudah ada tempat yang akan “dicampak” kan. Aku rasa hati aku sebak dan sebu! Aku tidak sedih tetapi rasa buntu dengan hutang yang tiada hentinya.
Aku tahu perbelanjaan aku agak “berlebihan” selalu. Orang akan cakap daripada beli Beg Burberry yang berharga seribu ringgit, lebih baik letak di dalam ASB dan biarkan dia beranak sendiri dihujung tahu. Memang betul, aku dengan designer taste aku, CK, Burberry, Zara, Prada, Gucci, tralili-tralala….semuanya pembaziran. What can I say?
Tetapi kalau aku fikir semula, tak logic kalau aku kerja kuat setiap bulan untuk membayar hutang piutang sahaja seumur hidup aku. Betul tak? Takkan aku tak boleh nak hiburkan hati, buat retail therapy sebagai “hadiah” ke atas situasi aku yang dah already merunsing kan ini. Life is too short to just look at beautiful things and walk away. I want to have them in my possession and enjoy them. I do! Kadang-kadang aku rasa sungguh enjoy dan puas hati selepas aku beli jacket Calvin Klein koleksi yang paling latest kat KLCC. Aku rasa puas sampai kan termimpi-mimpi.
Kalau beli designer beg, lagi lah. Aku rasa macam nak tidur dengan Beg baru tu. Tetapi aku selalunya akan sorok kan semua designer goods aku yang baru di atas almari aku. Sebab aku tak mahu kawan2 aku nampak yang aku ada “benda” baru ini. Aku tak suka kalau dorang fikir yang aku ni kaya. Aku tak kaya, aku cuma tidak takut untuk berbelanja. Itu sahaja. And I know that I deserve it!
Aku tau dengan cara ini juga membuatkan aku tidak putus asa dengan segala hutang piutang di bank yang tiada hentinya dengan interest yang beranak pinak. At least aku rasa terhibur sekali sekala dengan pembelian yang cantik dan berharga.
Mungkin satu hari nanti aku akan end up dengan designer bags aku sahaja dan aku terpaksa bungkus-bungkus kan nya jadikan rumah. Sebab kalau aku fikirkan semula harga2 beg aku tu, dah berpuluh ribu aku berbelanja. Hanya bank sahaja yang tahu!
Tetapi my ultimate dream is to have my own home. A beautiful house for me, my loving cats and my beautiful orchids. But for now, semuanya masih blur, masih berkabus dan masih jauh dari harapan aku.
My clock is ticking but I am stuck!
Friday, May 14, 2010
What Is The Meaning Of Best Friends?
I have known my best friends Kamizi and Azam since the past 19 years. Back then when we were in the University, we were so naïve about life. But we learn to grow out of anger and frustrations against each other and learn to accept who we were. Yes we have grown to be so much different now compared to when we first met. But University kept us together without a choice to abandon one another and realized how important our friendship could be by the end of the day.
We used to hate each other so much, very competitive, secretive and above all gossiping about each other all the times. But regardless all negative sides of each other we knew somehow, subconsciously that we were meant to be together for a long time. After years of knowing and living together, we learn to let go of small little things and know which button not to be pushed.
Being an expert on each other or on your friendships with your best friends for a very long time doesn’t happen overnight. But the thing that you must always have to get the best friend like mine is, never give yourself a choice to let go. Make it like for better and for worse kind of situation. Because once you give yourself that choice, your friendship will not last! You will end up with that option and run away from your problems or disowned them as your friends.
There are so many coward angry friends out there. And these people will not have the balls to face their friends when shit happens. These friends will be more likely choose to throw away than to fix broken things. Time spends and investments on each other suddenly become meaningless when ego take control the center of their world.
To these friends out there, do not let yourself be deluded, shallow, hateful, bitter or revengeful. Forgive and forget is a noble things to do for your friends. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. There are more important things in life than to be angry at other people all the times.
I once heard a wise monk said, “You cannot fill up a cup when it’s already full.” Or did I see that in the movie 2012? Anyhow, no matter where it came from, it has a strong message behind it. Sometimes, when you are so angry you close all possible ways for your friends to come back at you. And you become self righteous and self centered. You thought you know it all! But no matter what you do, try to keep an open mind. Empty your cup and let other people pour some tea in it without spill.
As you add numbers to your age, things will definitely get more complicated but you will see things clearer and understands life better. The issues that you didn’t understand when you were 20-something will be much easier to digest when you are 30-something. That’s why people always advice us to follow the elderly advices.
And when we were young and naïve we didn’t understand our Parents problem. And they often hide things from the children anyway. Suddenly, 15 years after that the truth came out that our loving and happy parents were in fact the opposite all those years. But they managed to keep a great acting for the children’s sake. Suddenly, we found out that we have step mother and step siblings. This happens to a lot of my friends. Not one or two friends, like more than 5 of my friends.
So what happened to them when a secret so huge like this came out in the family? You learn to live with it. Why? Because no matter how much you hate the facts, your parents are still your flesh and blood. You will keep seeing them in years to come. Eventually your hate will wear out of you. So why keep so much hatred for so long and waste energy on it when you know eventually someday it will be gone?
Our flesh and blood is something that we don’t get to choose. No matter how bad things get, we still have to live with each other. This is also what happened to best friends. They have become siblings and much more.
So stop burning your bridges and look deep in yourself. Is it really worth it to cut out your friends away when you already called them your best friends? Do you know now what is the meaning of having best friends?
We used to hate each other so much, very competitive, secretive and above all gossiping about each other all the times. But regardless all negative sides of each other we knew somehow, subconsciously that we were meant to be together for a long time. After years of knowing and living together, we learn to let go of small little things and know which button not to be pushed.Being an expert on each other or on your friendships with your best friends for a very long time doesn’t happen overnight. But the thing that you must always have to get the best friend like mine is, never give yourself a choice to let go. Make it like for better and for worse kind of situation. Because once you give yourself that choice, your friendship will not last! You will end up with that option and run away from your problems or disowned them as your friends.
There are so many coward angry friends out there. And these people will not have the balls to face their friends when shit happens. These friends will be more likely choose to throw away than to fix broken things. Time spends and investments on each other suddenly become meaningless when ego take control the center of their world.
To these friends out there, do not let yourself be deluded, shallow, hateful, bitter or revengeful. Forgive and forget is a noble things to do for your friends. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. There are more important things in life than to be angry at other people all the times.
I once heard a wise monk said, “You cannot fill up a cup when it’s already full.” Or did I see that in the movie 2012? Anyhow, no matter where it came from, it has a strong message behind it. Sometimes, when you are so angry you close all possible ways for your friends to come back at you. And you become self righteous and self centered. You thought you know it all! But no matter what you do, try to keep an open mind. Empty your cup and let other people pour some tea in it without spill.
As you add numbers to your age, things will definitely get more complicated but you will see things clearer and understands life better. The issues that you didn’t understand when you were 20-something will be much easier to digest when you are 30-something. That’s why people always advice us to follow the elderly advices.
And when we were young and naïve we didn’t understand our Parents problem. And they often hide things from the children anyway. Suddenly, 15 years after that the truth came out that our loving and happy parents were in fact the opposite all those years. But they managed to keep a great acting for the children’s sake. Suddenly, we found out that we have step mother and step siblings. This happens to a lot of my friends. Not one or two friends, like more than 5 of my friends.
So what happened to them when a secret so huge like this came out in the family? You learn to live with it. Why? Because no matter how much you hate the facts, your parents are still your flesh and blood. You will keep seeing them in years to come. Eventually your hate will wear out of you. So why keep so much hatred for so long and waste energy on it when you know eventually someday it will be gone?
Our flesh and blood is something that we don’t get to choose. No matter how bad things get, we still have to live with each other. This is also what happened to best friends. They have become siblings and much more.
So stop burning your bridges and look deep in yourself. Is it really worth it to cut out your friends away when you already called them your best friends? Do you know now what is the meaning of having best friends?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Dwen FIMO Floral Jewelry
Right after I graduated from Hawaii Pacific University in 1997, I started off my career in Jewelry Designs for Forever Hawaiian Creations in Honolulu. It was such a wonderful experienced to start my career doing the things that I adore. I have always love art and flowers and I could apply these two things into my FIMO Jewelry designs.
Below are some of my designs that I have made in the past.
The Exotic Pink Torch Ginger Large Earrings. Also known as Bunga Kantan in Malaysia.
Cluster of Hawaiian Favorite Flower made into Extra Large Earrings. Green Pakalana Flower, White Gardenia and Fushia Dendrobium Orchid.
Extra Large Brooch of Black Feather with White Phalaenopsis Orchid in the Center.
Extra Large Brooch of Hawaiian Favorite Flowers; Orange Pua Kenikeni, Purple Crownflower and Red Hibiscus.
Hawaiian forever favorite flower, The Tahitian Gardenia or also known as Tiare in Tahiti. This is my version of Tiare in Large size Earrings.
Medium Earrings of Cattleya Orchid.
The Exotic Rafflesia flower on a bed of leaves made into a Necklace with matching earrings of green leaves.
Multi Color Randa Necklace
Green Phalaenopsis Violacea Necklace and Matching Earrings. This necklace designed for NTV7 models for AIM 2005.
Blue Plumbago Necklace with Semi Precious Stones and Matching Earrings.
Below are some of my designs that I have made in the past.
The Exotic Pink Torch Ginger Large Earrings. Also known as Bunga Kantan in Malaysia.
Cluster of Hawaiian Favorite Flower made into Extra Large Earrings. Green Pakalana Flower, White Gardenia and Fushia Dendrobium Orchid.
Extra Large Brooch of Black Feather with White Phalaenopsis Orchid in the Center.
Extra Large Brooch of Hawaiian Favorite Flowers; Orange Pua Kenikeni, Purple Crownflower and Red Hibiscus.
Hawaiian forever favorite flower, The Tahitian Gardenia or also known as Tiare in Tahiti. This is my version of Tiare in Large size Earrings.
Medium Earrings of Cattleya Orchid.
The Exotic Rafflesia flower on a bed of leaves made into a Necklace with matching earrings of green leaves. 
Multi Color Randa Necklace
Green Phalaenopsis Violacea Necklace and Matching Earrings. This necklace designed for NTV7 models for AIM 2005. 
Blue Plumbago Necklace with Semi Precious Stones and Matching Earrings.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Change of Weather
I have always enjoyed watching Sex And The City HBO series on my DVDs. That series show a lot about the truth of life, love and relationship of single girls and boys in big cities with lots of humor to tone down the seriousness. Although that series pretty much based on women’s point of view but despite it all the issues are still real. I could relate to them all so vividly. Men or women, we are not much different at all.
Friends and families around me are all constantly going through problems and constantly battling their fate for a better life. But there are also some of us who are in control of our own life and get to choose who we want to be. These who thought in control of their lives often turned out to be cocky and proud owner of their own little souls. Little do they know that they are actually destined for the same fate as the rest of us too.
Life works in their mysterious ways. The minute we became so arrogant of who we were things started to shift, split and became a new level. The rules that we make up all these while suddenly changed and adapted to new lifestyles and options. None of the previous rules apply anymore and the things that we loathed before this suddenly become the latest trend that we live in. It is so quick how life recycle itself.
I know one guy who used to be dating blondes only and looked down on the local girls. How he would never find himself with a Malaysian girl as though these girls has contagious disease. He claimed that he didn’t want to be with any local girls because he didn’t want to be with anyone’s ex. He thinks that Local KL girls are a bunch of leftovers and go around from one relationship to another for one too many. I thought that was an ego issues on his side and not the girls’ issues.
Eventually after so many years, I could see how he has changed and “down grade” his level of preference to Asians girls. He has realized how the difference in values between Asians and Western girls started giving him problems and limit his lifestyles. The truth is how can an Asian that is full of cultures and traditional customs trying to adapt the lifestyles of the Westerners.
Physically the blondes would win the look contest but in terms of inner values, the Asians are more compatible and much easier to live with. Eventually we got use to the beauty of our own people and realize that beauty is not how good your make-up looks but how beautiful your manners are. Have we forgotten where we live? Not in a four-seasoned country but in an all year round 35 degrees temperature country with so much diverse food and cultures all around; Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Another truth to be told is relationship is not about finding the right look for our eyes to feast. By the end of the day it all comes down to chemistry and how we could get along with the other person as a lover. What we want doesn’t apply anymore in the matter of love. Pretty much who we end up with and how can we make it work.
It feels good to see a friend that used to think so highly on the western people now changed his perceptions towards Malaysians and having a relationship with a Malay girl who he’s proud to call a girl friend in front of all our friends. Although the terms girlfriend often used loosely when he say it and sometimes he stills trying to make it a though it was the girlfriend who was so eager to label themselves, I forgive him for being that way. Eventually he will be less in denial.
I suppose people change in so many levels and it’s just a matter of time when they are going to change.
Friends and families around me are all constantly going through problems and constantly battling their fate for a better life. But there are also some of us who are in control of our own life and get to choose who we want to be. These who thought in control of their lives often turned out to be cocky and proud owner of their own little souls. Little do they know that they are actually destined for the same fate as the rest of us too.
Life works in their mysterious ways. The minute we became so arrogant of who we were things started to shift, split and became a new level. The rules that we make up all these while suddenly changed and adapted to new lifestyles and options. None of the previous rules apply anymore and the things that we loathed before this suddenly become the latest trend that we live in. It is so quick how life recycle itself.
I know one guy who used to be dating blondes only and looked down on the local girls. How he would never find himself with a Malaysian girl as though these girls has contagious disease. He claimed that he didn’t want to be with any local girls because he didn’t want to be with anyone’s ex. He thinks that Local KL girls are a bunch of leftovers and go around from one relationship to another for one too many. I thought that was an ego issues on his side and not the girls’ issues.
Eventually after so many years, I could see how he has changed and “down grade” his level of preference to Asians girls. He has realized how the difference in values between Asians and Western girls started giving him problems and limit his lifestyles. The truth is how can an Asian that is full of cultures and traditional customs trying to adapt the lifestyles of the Westerners.
Physically the blondes would win the look contest but in terms of inner values, the Asians are more compatible and much easier to live with. Eventually we got use to the beauty of our own people and realize that beauty is not how good your make-up looks but how beautiful your manners are. Have we forgotten where we live? Not in a four-seasoned country but in an all year round 35 degrees temperature country with so much diverse food and cultures all around; Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
Another truth to be told is relationship is not about finding the right look for our eyes to feast. By the end of the day it all comes down to chemistry and how we could get along with the other person as a lover. What we want doesn’t apply anymore in the matter of love. Pretty much who we end up with and how can we make it work.
It feels good to see a friend that used to think so highly on the western people now changed his perceptions towards Malaysians and having a relationship with a Malay girl who he’s proud to call a girl friend in front of all our friends. Although the terms girlfriend often used loosely when he say it and sometimes he stills trying to make it a though it was the girlfriend who was so eager to label themselves, I forgive him for being that way. Eventually he will be less in denial.
I suppose people change in so many levels and it’s just a matter of time when they are going to change.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Wild Flowers & Animals in My Village
I see this white star flower grow pretty much everywhere near my house.
I saw this fern growing everywhere around my house. Especially in a shaded cool rocky grown.
I saw this tiny little butterfly flying from one flower to another in the bushes. The actual size of this butterfly is about 1.5 cm only.
I saw this flower all around somebody's fence in my village. It could be the flower of some kind of a bitter gourd.
Another flower I saw growing wild in the bushes. I am sure this flower was introduced here and might have come from another place.
Wild Morning Glory flower. Blueish in color.
As I was walking around my house, I saw a Lizard about 2 feet long, walking around the bushes looking for food. I couldn't get a closer shot as it was afraid of me and might run away.
Giant Squirrel, Yellowish Gold in Color about the size of house cat. It was too high on the Langsat tree right next to my house. My camera cannot zoom so far away. This is the best shot I could get of it.
Monday, May 3, 2010
MOM's FORGOTTEN KAMPONG HOME
Ever since my mother had broken bones in her thigh several years ago, she was unable to walk since then. After several years, she accepted this disappointing fate and started living from one place to another, from Kak Yah’s house at Bandar Tasik Selatan to Kak Ni’s house at Gemenchech and now been living permanently at Fizah’s apartment at Desa Tasik.
My sisters used to take turns taking care of her but not anymore. Mom is finally living with Fizah now as Fizah is still single and living in her own rented apartment which I paid half of the rent and fully furnished the apartment to give comfort for mom.
It has been a long time since her last visit back to her beloved home at Kampung Gedok, Gemenchech. This is the very house that we 7 siblings grew up since my grandfather retired from being a Custom Officer in 1970.
For months my mom has been nagging at Fizah to go back home but she has been giving Mom excuse due to financial restrictions and also couldn’t live apart from her fiancé. So the minute I found out that she wanted to go back Kampong, I half-heartedly agreed to sacrifice my colorful weekend activities for her instead.
As we drove back to Kampong, I realized how my mom was so eager to reach her home. As we reaching closer to Kampong I could see the glow of excitement in her eyes. But she has always been a very reserved and quiet person. She would not speak her minds to us. She’s not the kind of person that would be so talkative or even social. Mom would only talk whenever she needs to or when she has something important to say or ask.
Now that she’s over 70’s, frail and on wheel chair most of the times, she enjoys her quiet life alone. Pretty much nowadays she would wake up early in the morning and then enjoys the company of Kak Yah for her daily visits of bringing breakfast and lunch. At around 11.30 or so Kak Yah would go home. At 1 pm Fizah comes home for lunch with her. Sometimes when I am not busy running around town doing my errands, I would join lunching with her too or sometimes just a quick visit to see her.
In between our visits throughout the day, she would just watch TV or lying down resting in her room. Kampung is a much needed diversion from her boring daily brick view of Fizah’s apartment. She needs a change of scenery from artificial to organic view of her familiar territory. Mom’s wooden Limas-styled kampong house is surrounded by Rambutan, Langsat, Mangoesteen, Mangoes, Pomelos, Coconut, Durian, Rose apple and Chiku trees.
This house is her private fruit gardens for the past 40 years. However, since most of the neighbor houses are also inhabited for the past 10 years and visited by families during holidays only, wild monkeys have taken over the whole village and invaded our homes. A lot of broken roof, pipes and not much of fruits left during fruit season.
Despite these broken things around the house and lesser fruit trees around, this is still a true home for her forever. I realized how important it is for us to bring her back home to her kampong house once in a blue moon for her to see and feel alive. This home holds so much fond memories and brought so much joy and happiness in her life.
I could still remember how I used to live in this house when I was a kid with my grandparents and us all living under the same roof having dinner together every night. It was so wonderful and irreplaceable.
If I were her, I would be the same too. I have neglected her for too much. I am too wrapped up in my own stupid life. Getting distracted with petty little things that come my way and forget to repay all her sacrifices for us all.
I hope she can forgive me!
My sisters used to take turns taking care of her but not anymore. Mom is finally living with Fizah now as Fizah is still single and living in her own rented apartment which I paid half of the rent and fully furnished the apartment to give comfort for mom.
It has been a long time since her last visit back to her beloved home at Kampung Gedok, Gemenchech. This is the very house that we 7 siblings grew up since my grandfather retired from being a Custom Officer in 1970.
For months my mom has been nagging at Fizah to go back home but she has been giving Mom excuse due to financial restrictions and also couldn’t live apart from her fiancé. So the minute I found out that she wanted to go back Kampong, I half-heartedly agreed to sacrifice my colorful weekend activities for her instead.
As we drove back to Kampong, I realized how my mom was so eager to reach her home. As we reaching closer to Kampong I could see the glow of excitement in her eyes. But she has always been a very reserved and quiet person. She would not speak her minds to us. She’s not the kind of person that would be so talkative or even social. Mom would only talk whenever she needs to or when she has something important to say or ask.
Now that she’s over 70’s, frail and on wheel chair most of the times, she enjoys her quiet life alone. Pretty much nowadays she would wake up early in the morning and then enjoys the company of Kak Yah for her daily visits of bringing breakfast and lunch. At around 11.30 or so Kak Yah would go home. At 1 pm Fizah comes home for lunch with her. Sometimes when I am not busy running around town doing my errands, I would join lunching with her too or sometimes just a quick visit to see her.
In between our visits throughout the day, she would just watch TV or lying down resting in her room. Kampung is a much needed diversion from her boring daily brick view of Fizah’s apartment. She needs a change of scenery from artificial to organic view of her familiar territory. Mom’s wooden Limas-styled kampong house is surrounded by Rambutan, Langsat, Mangoesteen, Mangoes, Pomelos, Coconut, Durian, Rose apple and Chiku trees.
This house is her private fruit gardens for the past 40 years. However, since most of the neighbor houses are also inhabited for the past 10 years and visited by families during holidays only, wild monkeys have taken over the whole village and invaded our homes. A lot of broken roof, pipes and not much of fruits left during fruit season.
Despite these broken things around the house and lesser fruit trees around, this is still a true home for her forever. I realized how important it is for us to bring her back home to her kampong house once in a blue moon for her to see and feel alive. This home holds so much fond memories and brought so much joy and happiness in her life.
I could still remember how I used to live in this house when I was a kid with my grandparents and us all living under the same roof having dinner together every night. It was so wonderful and irreplaceable.
If I were her, I would be the same too. I have neglected her for too much. I am too wrapped up in my own stupid life. Getting distracted with petty little things that come my way and forget to repay all her sacrifices for us all.
I hope she can forgive me!
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