Friends, Lovers, Relationship and Love

For the past almost 12 months in 2009, a lot has happened to me, to my friends and to my friend’s friends and to the people that has stopped calling me friends.

People come and go! Nothing you can do about people who already made up their mind on leaving. Forcing them to stay would be insincere and they will rebel out later. And there’s no need to keep fighting till the last draw to satisfy our principles. Better to just let it flow and let it go. Hopefully someday they will realize that it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right or who’s leaving who. Time will heal our broken heart and cool us down eventually.

Just remember, the rule of the nature is once a door is closed, a window will be opened. That’s when new people will start to show up too. However, do we need to start collecting new friendships or should we try working harder to fix the broken ones? There’s an expiry date on everything and that includes our friends. It doesn’t matter how many times we can fix our broken trust or broken relationship, we will reach a point when it’s beyond repair altogether. That’s when we should stop and move on.

I am not saying we should give up on someone altogether. It’s just that sometimes it’s best to put that “missing” person in a “Recycle Bin” and let it brew in there for a while so that we can evaluate the situation. At the same time we just put on a big smile and do the daily chores. I am sure the ex will re-appear or cross path with you again in the future.

Someday, when we have decided to move on and fill the vacancy with a new candidate to make our lives happier and filled with joy, one must remember that past is past. Live your life now and plan for tomorrow.

There are times when we accidentally see the photos of our lover’s ex-lover or our enemy, try not to make a big deal out of someone’s past. If the “ex-file” is tucked away deep underneath the bed collecting dust or saved away in some unknown files in the computer, just let it be. Let it go! There’s no need to feel insecure about the history. Unless that ex-file is in a frame hang on the wall or by the bed-side lamp, then you should do something about that.

Past experienced and memories are the valuable things that made who we are today. We learned from mistakes and broken hearts. Every time we failed on something, we cocoon ourselves and emerged as a new person like a butterfly. Beautiful or not, that is not important. But the main thing is we correct ourselves and be more cautious so it won’t repeat again in the future.

I have learnt how to let go of things and to expect less of someone. I have learnt how to do my own things and be happy on my own before I can be happier with someone else.

Friends should have some basic courtesy to tell and communicate fairly with each other. But no one is tied up with another unless you are married. So be free to do your own thing but we must let go of our selfishness and be kind to others. Do not play politics with your friends to advance your agendas. Politic will make sweet friendship turn to sour and complicate lives.

On the other hand, we cannot force people to return our kind favor. Expectation will kill your happiness. You will loose your coolness when the expected is not coming because waiting will only make the time goes bye very slowly. You’ll be exhausted and disappointed. Life is too short to just keep waiting!

Whatever happens sometimes, we must look at things positively and try not to over react. Even the bad ones had a positive side to it. We just have to look at things in a different perspective. That’s all!

We live and we learn!

My Rooftop Garden

The apartment that I am living now is actually a Penthouse. The upper floor is an open air private roof top that I can put all my plants there. The rooftop can be so hot at times and I have to make sure that I water the plants once a day if there's no rain.

A view of the sky. So Blue so beautiful with white marsh-mallow clouds.




Recently I bought an organic chicken shit fertilizer at a nursery inside Pasar Borong Selangor that I can put on all the plants. The fertilizer works wonderfully as I could see all my dying plants are growing back nicely.

Whenever my White Phalaenopsis is flowering, it will be placed inside my living room as a decoration. The flower normally will last almost a month



On my balcony, I put a pot of Ginger and Anthurium.





On the right is a Hawaiian fern known as Laua'e Fern in Hawaii. It is quite a popular plant that everyone grows and being used a lot in making Leis in Hawaii. In the middle of the picture is some of different colored Ti Leaf plant/Jenjuang/Cordyline Terminalis. On the left are my new Kedah Gardenia and Crape Jasmine.
This Anthurium was originally bought by my mother in Singapore in the 70's. She has been growing this Anthurium since before I was born. It is amazing that this plant can survive for so long. Since late 80's, I took over taking care of all her plants in my kampung and managed to keep some of her favorite ones alive until to this day.





My Kedah Gardenia (Gardenia Carinata Wallich) is also flowering.(Right Photo)I have been looking for this Gardenia since I first saw it in Hawaii quite many years ago. And a few months ago I saw it sold by a nursery near my house at Kinrara.



I have been keeping this Tiger Orchid (Grammatophyllum Speciosum) for more than 10 years. I hope someday it will flower for me. Seems like it will take another "forever" to flower though. Flower or not, I love it anyway as it has a sentimental value to me. My older sister Kak Nie used to work as a clerk at a Sawmill in Gemas, Negeri Sembilan. I told my sister to tell the truck drivers that brought back all the logs back to the sawmill to collect the wild orchids for me and they did. They brought back the Tiger Orchid and other wild orchids for me.


My Red Hibiscus and Bougainvillea are flowering nicely ever since I put the new organic fertilizer on them. Behind the Red Hibiscus is 2 pots of flowering Bamboo Orchid (Arundina Graminifolia).

Sultan My Son

A year after I adopted Chomel from the Hawaiian Humane Society, I decided to adopt Sultan on 4th December 1998. He's a Snowshoe Breed. Sultan is such an adorable and intelligent cat. He has striking blue eyes, beautiful brownish shade of fur and cute white socks on his 4 feet.

A lot of people that have seen Sultan would say that Sultan is quite a huge size cat compared to the normal Tabby. Sultan is such a smart cat and snowshoe breed are known for being easily trained. Sultan would try to reach a door knob whenever he is trapped in a room. I suppose he has been watching me doing it. But of course he doesn't know how to turn the knob though.

Sultan can be very shy to strangers and doesn't like too many changes. But whatever I do to him or take him around, as long as I am there, he'll listen and obey me. Sultan is so loyal and loving cat. He requires quite an amount of attention from me though. Sometimes if I ignore him, he'll get mad and scream at me. He can make such a loud pitchy noise. To the point that I had no choice but to attend to him before my neighbors get annoyed.

I keep all my cats at my office as I have huge space for them to live in the kitchen area and back of the kitchen is a confine open air area with high wall. I can be with my cats at least 5 days a week at the office rather than keeping them at home and only get to see them at night.

Below are the portraits of Sultan when I took him back home for a few days for shower, manicure and pedicure a few weeks ago.

Sultan likes to pose for my camera. For some reason he doesn't mind me taking his photos. He will start doing his weird poses for my photo shoots.





Sultan is eating some Durian while Cotton is watching him. Durian is his favorite fruit. Sultan will instantly knows that I brought Durian home and start asking for some.

Sultan eating with the rest of the family. From left to right... Snow(White Persian), Sultan, Chomel and Cotton, watching me taking the photo.

Sultan sleeping right next to me while Chomel(Left) and Cotton (Right) jealous of him and trying to get my attention too.

Chomel My Loving Cat

Chomel was born in June 1997. I Adopted Chomel from the Hawaiian Humane Society in December 1997. Chomel is just a normal Tabby Cat. She was the first cat I adopted and I named her Chomel because she was so cute and adorable the first time I saw her. And Chomel is a Malaysian word for Cute.

Now Chomel is already 12 years old or an equivalent of a 64 years old human.

Chomel is a very independent Cat. She's seldom making any noise or scream for attention. Whenever she's real hungry, she will come to me and rub her face. Otherwise she will just go about do her thing catching insects or just sleep the whole day.

I shampoo Chomel 2 days ago to clean her up and get rid of her flea problems. And now she's all happy and smells like a petunia. Below is the portraits of Chomel.

My Gardenias are Blooming

KEDAH GARDENIA / RANDA:

The first time I saw this Gardenia exist was when I bought the book title Flora Of Malaysia by David T. Jones. I was so excited to find out about Kedah Gardenia or Randa in our gardens. And the scientific name of this gardenia is Gardenia Carinata. And mostly Randa is commonly found grown by the road side along the highways as huge tree.

I saw a tree of Randa flowering at the edge of a forest at my home town Gemencheh, Negeri Sembilan a few years back. If it didn't flower, I wouldn't know that was Randa though. The part that I love about Randa more than the other siblings of gardenias is that the flower changes color from Creamy White to Yellow to Orange in 3 days time. So when they are flowering, the whole tree will have three different colors all over it. Such a beautiful sight to see.

Some other flowers that I found out that has the same characteristic as our Randa here is a Pua Kenikeni tree or Fagraea Berteroana that is native to the South Pacific. But nowadays Pua Kenikeni has become a common flowering trees in Hawaii and the flowers are widely use as Leis and hair adornment.

A few months ago I went to a roadside nursery near my home at Kinrara area and discovered that they have 3 pots of Randa growing among their other bush ornamental plants. I instantly recognize the flowers and bought two pots. Below are the photos of my Randa flowering for the second time since I bought them 2 months ago.

The first day the flower opens, the color is creamy white. Has a very faint smell of Gardenia.


On the 2nd day, the color of my Randa changed to Creamy Yellow. And the shape of the petals start to change and and curl down to a more distinctive shape.


After the 3rd day, Randa will change color to Orange and release a very strong fragrant smell of Gardenia.


This is the most common Gardenia that can be found growing anywhere in the tropical countries. Sometimes the cut flowers are also sold in Flower shops. In Malaysia this is known as Bunga Cina. In Hawaiian it is known as Kiele. Originally this flower came from China.


This is a very rare species of native Hawaiian Gardenia known as Nanu. The scientific name for this is Gardenia Brighamii. I have not seen this gardenia yet. When I was living in Hawaii, whenever I went to the Botanical gardens, this gardenia was not flowering. Nanu is not a common plant grown anywhere as they are an endangered species of Hawaii and kind of hard to grow compared to Tahitian Gardenia or Gardenia Augusta.


This Tahitian Gardenia or Tiare is a native to Tahiti Islands and very common in all the Pacific Islands and also in Hawaii. The scientific name for this Tiare is Gardenia Taitensis. This flower is so popular in Hawaii that it become design motives to a lot of arts, jewelries, fabric printings and household stuffs. I wish I could have brought this species back to KL and grow them here. I bet I could make lots of money by selling the seedlings to the nurseries.


All the different hybrids of Gardenias from all over the world....

Yen's Birthday!

Happy Birthday Yen......



My dearest Friend Yen and his cake that I bought....



Make your wish boys....



Kamizi & Yen...waiting to cut the cake!



Aku & Yen...Happy Birthday Yen!


Iskandar, Kamizi, Yen & Rezjal.



The Three old chap!!!



Aku tengah memotong kek birthday si Yen...Suka nyer dia....

I've Fallen......

Semenjak dari bulan puasa hari tu, rasanya seperti aku dah terjatuh ditimpa tangga, dipatuk Ayam pulak selepas tu...Macam Pak pandir yang malang sangat.....Aku sering sedih dan bergundah gulana. Marah berapi kepada kehidupan yang tidak pasti.

Kita hidup berkawan kadang2 susah nak meneka isi-hati seseorang dan motif mereka. Semalam dia manis dan mesra. Hari ini dia senyap seribu bahasa. Esok dia sudah mengata. Lusa terbongkarlah rahsia. Siapakah dia, siapakah kita.

Manusia pandai berkata-kata. Tetapi harganya tiada. Hampas belaka. Niat kita disalah anggap. Hati kita di lemparkan. Kederat kita di lupakan. Budi mereka dibesarkan. Semua di ungkit menjadi senjata tajam. Sampai sanggup membuang dan membakar persahabatan. Apakah sudah tiada kesetiaan? Lupakah kita kepada budi balasan?

Aku sgt suka dgn lirik lagu FALLEN by Sarah McLachlan nie...Lirik yang menusuk kalbu aku.

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin out with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear.

Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I've lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one misstep one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

SELUMBAR!

Ada masanya kita terpaksa keluarkan SELUMBAR di kulit walaupun sakitnya tak terhingga. Selumbar itu mungkin secebis duri atau secebis kayu tajam yang pastinya dibuang dan akhirnya menjadi sampah sahaja.

Walaupun rasa sakit tentunya akan hilang tetapi Parut tetap akan ada sentiasa mengingatkan kita kepada tusukan tajam Selumbar yang tidak di sangkakan boleh melukakan kita.

Selumbar boleh berada dimana-mana sekiranya kita tidak berhati-hati akan menusuk kulit sekali lagi. Kadang-kadang pokok yang berbunga cantik tidak boleh dipegang sesuka hati dan jauhkan lah diri kerana duri tajamnya boleh mencederakan kita.

Kadang-kadang perabut kayu yang cantik yang diguna setiap hari pun boleh memberi selumbar kepada kita jika kita terlupa untuk berhati-hati apabila menggunakannya.

Pokok Mawar yang cantik atau perabut kayu yang mahal tidak menjanjikan kesetiaan kepada empunya nya kerana inilah lumrah dunia. Tiada siapa pun milik siapa! Tidak perlu ada kesetiaan.

Hanya…. pokok mawar yang berduri mungkin akan ditebang oleh empunya nya apabila duri tajamnya mencederakan dan membawa kemarahan. Kaedahnya……. buang aja pokok berduri ini sebab banyak aje pokok lain yang cantik tetapi tidak menyakit kan hati bila terluka. Betul kan?

Fikirkan betapa bongkak dan ego nya lumrah alam apabila kita mendapat cari sebab dan alasan untuk menebang pokok mawar yang berduri tanpa belas kasihan bahawa mawar tiada pilihan tetapi terpaksa tumbuh bersama dengan durinya.

Kita hanya menikmati kecantikan bunganya apabila ia mekar tetapi menebangnya apabila tertusuk durinya. Tak ubah seperti bila madunya habis, sepah dibuang.

Keadilan hanya dimata yang lebih berkuasa. Yang lemah menjadi mangsa! Mengharap kasihan tetapi tidak dipedulikan.

Kepada si penebang dengan parang tajamnya, dialah yang benar dan itulah kuasa.

Hebatkan keadilan hidup kita ini?

Janganlah kamu bongkak dan meninggi diri sentiasa. Betul atau salah tidak memberi kamu lesen untuk melenyapkan sesiapa atau benda.

Just a thought!!!!

Starts With Goodbye!

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And she would have understood,
So hard to see myself without her,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,

Aku Tersungkur Lagi!

Aku menerima 5 SMS dari seorang yang dahulunya aku sangat senangi, sayangi dan akrab. Tetapi pada Jumaat sebelum Hari Raya baru-baru ini, aku telah melakukan sesuatu yang agak melulu dan melakukan kesilapan kerana tidak memberi keyakinan terhadap diri aku sendiri.

Aku telah meminta maaf terhadap beliau tetapi SMS aku tidak dilayan dan talifon aku tidak dijawab. Aku paham, dia tidak perlu pun untuk memaafkan aku dalam hal ini sebab dia ada hak untuk melakukan apa sahaja kepada sesiapa pun.

Hanya Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. memaafkan dan menerima semua umatnya.

Malah beliau pernah memberitahu aku “anggaplah seperti kita tidak pernah kenal sebelum ini”. Aku tidak menjawab SMS beliau kerana ianya bukan soalan yg perlu dijawab. Ianyanya hanya satu pernyataan! Aku biarkan dia dengan dirinya. Aku boleh berlalu pergi! Aku tak lagi menagih apa-apa dari beliau.

Aku manusia biasa hanya perlu beringat dan bersabar akan apa yang aku lakukan, aku hanyalah manusia biasa yang tidak terlepas dari segala kesilapan atau kesalahan. Setiap kesilapan akan mendapat hukuman. Sedang aku menjalani hukuman, kehidupan harus diteruskan.

Kata-kata beliau:

1. Dlm hati awak….masih ada kah nama XXX(nama beliau)?
2. Bt apa simpan….
3. Kan kita dah tak berkwn lg.bt apa awak simpan nama saya.bt sakit kan hati awak je…
4. Kita blh berkwn dgn apa segala usia.muda ke tua ke…tp kita ni yg dah berusia.kena tjk kan sikap dan sifat yang matang.bkn macam peel budak2 yang TAK matang..
5. Awak dah lain..panas baran..hati dah kuat tp panas baran.takde sapa ckp dgn saya.tp gerak hati saya tak pernah bohong.dan Pak X tak penah bohong saya.

Aku hanya menjawab soalan no1 sahaja: “Tentulah ada!”

NO 2,3,4 dan 5 semuanya aku biarkan sahaja. Sebab aku tetiba rasa sedikit terkejut setelah beberapa minggu, baru aku dapat jawapan dari beliau bertalu-talu.

Tetapi perlu ke aku menjawab semua SMS beliau? Aku tak rasa dia akan melayan alasan aku pun. Perlu ke nak bermain kata-kata membuat soalan rumit yang berbau jerat untuk membuat kan aku merasa lebih bersalah? So tak perlu nak bersusah payah!

Manusia berubah setiap hari! Pengalaman mengajar kita erti kehidupan. Buruk baik, susah atau senang, semua menjadi pelajaran yang tidak boleh dibeli dengan wang ringgit atau paksaan.

Ya! Aku memang merasakan aku sekarang lebih cekal hati dan lebih pemarah. Tetapi mungkin aku terlalu tegas dengan pendirian aku dan kehendak aku. Manakan tidak nya, selepas hati aku hancur di hempas ke lantai, ditipu dengan seribu muslihat seperti permainan silap mata, aku terpaksa mengorak langkah aku dengan lebih tegas dan cekal supaya tidak di pijak untuk kali ketiga.

Lantas aku tersalah langkah dan membuatkan kawan-kawan aku tersalah anggap tujuan aku. Maaf kan diatas kesilapan aku ini!

Tetapi aku tahu, kita semua bukan kanak-kanak kecil yang perlu di lukiskan gambar rajah nya supaya kita lebih paham. Kata-kata sudah cukup untuk menerangkan apa yang tersirat dan apa yang tersurat.

Ya! Memang aku masih lagi ada menyimpan nama beliau didalam hati aku. Tetapi aku sedikit pun tidak merasa marah, dengki atau benci terhadap beliau. Aku menyimpan beliau didalam hati aku kerana suatu ketika dahulu, beliau adalah tempat aku mengadu, meminta pertolongan, bercerita nasib dan seorang kawan yang jauh tetapi dekat dihati.

Ya! Aku halalkan segala makan dan minum mu dunia dan akhirat seperti yang awak minta. Musim yang lepas sudah berlalu, mentari sudah mencelah kembali, aku bangun dan berdiri sendiri. Usah dirisaukan barang yang lepas. Menangis pun takkan berguna lagi.

Selamat jalan kepada beliau dan mereka yang senang dan mudah bersedia untuk membuang pesalah manusia. Usahlah kau menoleh ke belakang takut nanti kamu tersalah langkah lagi dan tersungkur. Majulah kehadapan dan lupakan yang lepas.

RAYA KU......2009

Inilah kenangan gambar Hari Raya pada tahun ini bersama Ibu dan semua adik beradik dan anak saudara.....

Rashidah sibuk nak mengambil gambar aku dengan Camera DSLR Canon aku...Aku pun bagilah dia peluang. Lagipun aku x payah nak paksa anak2 buah aku amik gambar aku. Hehehhehe!



Posing ini adalah idea Rashidah. Posing Poyo ala majallah Mangga. Cushion2 tu plak, Kak Lin yang taburkan kat tepi aku. Katanya nak menambah effect. Menambah kepoyokan kampung adalah. Hehheheh!



Aku di tepi tingkap! Mengenang nasib diri yang selama ini actually OKLAH!! hehhehe. Saja je nak wat poyo berlakun ala majallah mangga. Lagipun grill tingkap rumah aku yang dah 40 tahun ni sangat unik gak.



Aku tak pernah bergambar di tepi tingkap seperti ini sebelum ini. Idea Rashidah sgt bernas kadang2. Vogue de vas kepada Shidah!



Gambar kami semua sekeluarga. Tetapi Keluarga Abang Man(Yang sulung) dan Keluarga Azean(Adik) tak de dalam gambar ini sebab mereka sampai lambat.



Bergambar dengan dari kiri Athirah, Rashidah, Afizah, Aku dan Radhiyah.


Meminta Ampun dan Maaf buat selamanya...Cheee wahhh!!! Sebak gitu!!!


Syidah sangat manja tapi kadang2 "terlebih-sudah" kemanjaan nyer tu. Seorang yang bubbly, happy go lucky dan sangat suka ketawa. Acik suka syidah......


Semua adik beradik dan anak-anak buah menunggu giliran untuk bergambar dengan "Mem Besar" aka Mak. Huhuhu!


Bergambar dengan Mak dan Fizah (adik).



Semua Anak dara dalam keluarga aku.


Dengan Imai dan Kak Nie...kami semua pun sedondon...Sebenarnya ini semua adalah idea aku untuk mengenakan purple pada tahun ini.


Bergambar dengan Abang Bahrin, kami sedondon...hehhehe!




Rashidah dan Syahmi tengah "berebut" angpau duit raya dari aku.