Friday, April 23, 2010

HOME. . . . . .Where Are You?

Suddenly I felt like I want to make a quick pit stop at my blog today.
Dear Blog…..Funny that I have never used this expression before. But now seems kind of appropriate for me to pour my heart out to my blog because this is the only true thing that listens and never complaints back at me.

Just last night the owner of my apartment came home for good and living back in his own apartment. Before this he was working overseas. Somehow or rather I already felt that things will come to an end for me to live in His apartment. I have been living there for the past 4 years or more by myself with occasional visits from him every time he gets the chance to come back for a holiday.

And just recently I started bring back my cats home to clean them up and sometimes to accompany me for the weekend or for the whole week. The cats seemed to enjoy this occasional trip back home before I brought them back to the office, which is their permanent home.

A few weeks before this, I already sent back my cats back to the office and cleaned up the apartment. Vacuuming, dusting, rearranging and mopping the whole place. But I still left Castie (3 months old) in a cage at home. Whenever I am home, I will release Castie from his cage to play around with me. She has this habit of following me around the house. She thinks I am her mother as I have been feeding her milk with a bottle since she was a tiny little baby. I enjoy having her around when I am home. She annoys me sometimes with her noisy whine, but I know that we love each other so much. It felt really nice when a tiny little soul like Castie depending her life on me unconditionally.

I always keep her cage clean especially last night, when He is home. And guess what? After a few hours at home He complained that the cage is smelly and suggested that I moved it upstairs. To my standard, and I am not having stuffy nose with a flu right now, I know that cage was acceptably clean and odor free. Suddenly, I was knocked out of my comfort zone and realized what a particular and picky person He could be. Quickly I responded to Him that I would put Castie in my office as she is strong enough to be independent now.

I felt sad for Castie and I felt sad for myself too. But my hands are tied. This may lead to something bigger in the near future. Now I want to live in my own place to do whatever I want with it and nobody gonna say nothing about it.

FREEDOM is the word. I don’t think I will be happy living in a place with Him watching my every move and telling me what to do. To me a home should be practical and not like a freakin’ show room where you have to keep everything squeaky clean, dust-free 24-7 and decorated with fake plastic plants. A place with no soul no life, like a hotel room where everybody comes and goes and nothing stays.

I will go. . . . . .