Yen's Birthday!

Happy Birthday Yen......



My dearest Friend Yen and his cake that I bought....



Make your wish boys....



Kamizi & Yen...waiting to cut the cake!



Aku & Yen...Happy Birthday Yen!


Iskandar, Kamizi, Yen & Rezjal.



The Three old chap!!!



Aku tengah memotong kek birthday si Yen...Suka nyer dia....

I've Fallen......

Semenjak dari bulan puasa hari tu, rasanya seperti aku dah terjatuh ditimpa tangga, dipatuk Ayam pulak selepas tu...Macam Pak pandir yang malang sangat.....Aku sering sedih dan bergundah gulana. Marah berapi kepada kehidupan yang tidak pasti.

Kita hidup berkawan kadang2 susah nak meneka isi-hati seseorang dan motif mereka. Semalam dia manis dan mesra. Hari ini dia senyap seribu bahasa. Esok dia sudah mengata. Lusa terbongkarlah rahsia. Siapakah dia, siapakah kita.

Manusia pandai berkata-kata. Tetapi harganya tiada. Hampas belaka. Niat kita disalah anggap. Hati kita di lemparkan. Kederat kita di lupakan. Budi mereka dibesarkan. Semua di ungkit menjadi senjata tajam. Sampai sanggup membuang dan membakar persahabatan. Apakah sudah tiada kesetiaan? Lupakah kita kepada budi balasan?

Aku sgt suka dgn lirik lagu FALLEN by Sarah McLachlan nie...Lirik yang menusuk kalbu aku.

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin out with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear.

Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I've lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one misstep one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

SELUMBAR!

Ada masanya kita terpaksa keluarkan SELUMBAR di kulit walaupun sakitnya tak terhingga. Selumbar itu mungkin secebis duri atau secebis kayu tajam yang pastinya dibuang dan akhirnya menjadi sampah sahaja.

Walaupun rasa sakit tentunya akan hilang tetapi Parut tetap akan ada sentiasa mengingatkan kita kepada tusukan tajam Selumbar yang tidak di sangkakan boleh melukakan kita.

Selumbar boleh berada dimana-mana sekiranya kita tidak berhati-hati akan menusuk kulit sekali lagi. Kadang-kadang pokok yang berbunga cantik tidak boleh dipegang sesuka hati dan jauhkan lah diri kerana duri tajamnya boleh mencederakan kita.

Kadang-kadang perabut kayu yang cantik yang diguna setiap hari pun boleh memberi selumbar kepada kita jika kita terlupa untuk berhati-hati apabila menggunakannya.

Pokok Mawar yang cantik atau perabut kayu yang mahal tidak menjanjikan kesetiaan kepada empunya nya kerana inilah lumrah dunia. Tiada siapa pun milik siapa! Tidak perlu ada kesetiaan.

Hanya…. pokok mawar yang berduri mungkin akan ditebang oleh empunya nya apabila duri tajamnya mencederakan dan membawa kemarahan. Kaedahnya……. buang aja pokok berduri ini sebab banyak aje pokok lain yang cantik tetapi tidak menyakit kan hati bila terluka. Betul kan?

Fikirkan betapa bongkak dan ego nya lumrah alam apabila kita mendapat cari sebab dan alasan untuk menebang pokok mawar yang berduri tanpa belas kasihan bahawa mawar tiada pilihan tetapi terpaksa tumbuh bersama dengan durinya.

Kita hanya menikmati kecantikan bunganya apabila ia mekar tetapi menebangnya apabila tertusuk durinya. Tak ubah seperti bila madunya habis, sepah dibuang.

Keadilan hanya dimata yang lebih berkuasa. Yang lemah menjadi mangsa! Mengharap kasihan tetapi tidak dipedulikan.

Kepada si penebang dengan parang tajamnya, dialah yang benar dan itulah kuasa.

Hebatkan keadilan hidup kita ini?

Janganlah kamu bongkak dan meninggi diri sentiasa. Betul atau salah tidak memberi kamu lesen untuk melenyapkan sesiapa atau benda.

Just a thought!!!!

Starts With Goodbye!

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And she would have understood,
So hard to see myself without her,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,

Aku Tersungkur Lagi!

Aku menerima 5 SMS dari seorang yang dahulunya aku sangat senangi, sayangi dan akrab. Tetapi pada Jumaat sebelum Hari Raya baru-baru ini, aku telah melakukan sesuatu yang agak melulu dan melakukan kesilapan kerana tidak memberi keyakinan terhadap diri aku sendiri.

Aku telah meminta maaf terhadap beliau tetapi SMS aku tidak dilayan dan talifon aku tidak dijawab. Aku paham, dia tidak perlu pun untuk memaafkan aku dalam hal ini sebab dia ada hak untuk melakukan apa sahaja kepada sesiapa pun.

Hanya Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. memaafkan dan menerima semua umatnya.

Malah beliau pernah memberitahu aku “anggaplah seperti kita tidak pernah kenal sebelum ini”. Aku tidak menjawab SMS beliau kerana ianya bukan soalan yg perlu dijawab. Ianyanya hanya satu pernyataan! Aku biarkan dia dengan dirinya. Aku boleh berlalu pergi! Aku tak lagi menagih apa-apa dari beliau.

Aku manusia biasa hanya perlu beringat dan bersabar akan apa yang aku lakukan, aku hanyalah manusia biasa yang tidak terlepas dari segala kesilapan atau kesalahan. Setiap kesilapan akan mendapat hukuman. Sedang aku menjalani hukuman, kehidupan harus diteruskan.

Kata-kata beliau:

1. Dlm hati awak….masih ada kah nama XXX(nama beliau)?
2. Bt apa simpan….
3. Kan kita dah tak berkwn lg.bt apa awak simpan nama saya.bt sakit kan hati awak je…
4. Kita blh berkwn dgn apa segala usia.muda ke tua ke…tp kita ni yg dah berusia.kena tjk kan sikap dan sifat yang matang.bkn macam peel budak2 yang TAK matang..
5. Awak dah lain..panas baran..hati dah kuat tp panas baran.takde sapa ckp dgn saya.tp gerak hati saya tak pernah bohong.dan Pak X tak penah bohong saya.

Aku hanya menjawab soalan no1 sahaja: “Tentulah ada!”

NO 2,3,4 dan 5 semuanya aku biarkan sahaja. Sebab aku tetiba rasa sedikit terkejut setelah beberapa minggu, baru aku dapat jawapan dari beliau bertalu-talu.

Tetapi perlu ke aku menjawab semua SMS beliau? Aku tak rasa dia akan melayan alasan aku pun. Perlu ke nak bermain kata-kata membuat soalan rumit yang berbau jerat untuk membuat kan aku merasa lebih bersalah? So tak perlu nak bersusah payah!

Manusia berubah setiap hari! Pengalaman mengajar kita erti kehidupan. Buruk baik, susah atau senang, semua menjadi pelajaran yang tidak boleh dibeli dengan wang ringgit atau paksaan.

Ya! Aku memang merasakan aku sekarang lebih cekal hati dan lebih pemarah. Tetapi mungkin aku terlalu tegas dengan pendirian aku dan kehendak aku. Manakan tidak nya, selepas hati aku hancur di hempas ke lantai, ditipu dengan seribu muslihat seperti permainan silap mata, aku terpaksa mengorak langkah aku dengan lebih tegas dan cekal supaya tidak di pijak untuk kali ketiga.

Lantas aku tersalah langkah dan membuatkan kawan-kawan aku tersalah anggap tujuan aku. Maaf kan diatas kesilapan aku ini!

Tetapi aku tahu, kita semua bukan kanak-kanak kecil yang perlu di lukiskan gambar rajah nya supaya kita lebih paham. Kata-kata sudah cukup untuk menerangkan apa yang tersirat dan apa yang tersurat.

Ya! Memang aku masih lagi ada menyimpan nama beliau didalam hati aku. Tetapi aku sedikit pun tidak merasa marah, dengki atau benci terhadap beliau. Aku menyimpan beliau didalam hati aku kerana suatu ketika dahulu, beliau adalah tempat aku mengadu, meminta pertolongan, bercerita nasib dan seorang kawan yang jauh tetapi dekat dihati.

Ya! Aku halalkan segala makan dan minum mu dunia dan akhirat seperti yang awak minta. Musim yang lepas sudah berlalu, mentari sudah mencelah kembali, aku bangun dan berdiri sendiri. Usah dirisaukan barang yang lepas. Menangis pun takkan berguna lagi.

Selamat jalan kepada beliau dan mereka yang senang dan mudah bersedia untuk membuang pesalah manusia. Usahlah kau menoleh ke belakang takut nanti kamu tersalah langkah lagi dan tersungkur. Majulah kehadapan dan lupakan yang lepas.

RAYA KU......2009

Inilah kenangan gambar Hari Raya pada tahun ini bersama Ibu dan semua adik beradik dan anak saudara.....

Rashidah sibuk nak mengambil gambar aku dengan Camera DSLR Canon aku...Aku pun bagilah dia peluang. Lagipun aku x payah nak paksa anak2 buah aku amik gambar aku. Hehehhehe!



Posing ini adalah idea Rashidah. Posing Poyo ala majallah Mangga. Cushion2 tu plak, Kak Lin yang taburkan kat tepi aku. Katanya nak menambah effect. Menambah kepoyokan kampung adalah. Hehheheh!



Aku di tepi tingkap! Mengenang nasib diri yang selama ini actually OKLAH!! hehhehe. Saja je nak wat poyo berlakun ala majallah mangga. Lagipun grill tingkap rumah aku yang dah 40 tahun ni sangat unik gak.



Aku tak pernah bergambar di tepi tingkap seperti ini sebelum ini. Idea Rashidah sgt bernas kadang2. Vogue de vas kepada Shidah!



Gambar kami semua sekeluarga. Tetapi Keluarga Abang Man(Yang sulung) dan Keluarga Azean(Adik) tak de dalam gambar ini sebab mereka sampai lambat.



Bergambar dengan dari kiri Athirah, Rashidah, Afizah, Aku dan Radhiyah.


Meminta Ampun dan Maaf buat selamanya...Cheee wahhh!!! Sebak gitu!!!


Syidah sangat manja tapi kadang2 "terlebih-sudah" kemanjaan nyer tu. Seorang yang bubbly, happy go lucky dan sangat suka ketawa. Acik suka syidah......


Semua adik beradik dan anak-anak buah menunggu giliran untuk bergambar dengan "Mem Besar" aka Mak. Huhuhu!


Bergambar dengan Mak dan Fizah (adik).



Semua Anak dara dalam keluarga aku.


Dengan Imai dan Kak Nie...kami semua pun sedondon...Sebenarnya ini semua adalah idea aku untuk mengenakan purple pada tahun ini.


Bergambar dengan Abang Bahrin, kami sedondon...hehhehe!




Rashidah dan Syahmi tengah "berebut" angpau duit raya dari aku.

Bridges Burned!

Recently I felt like my life almost came to an end with my friends because of the decisions I made. At some point in my friendship with people, I made it clear that I do not like to mix my old friends with my new ones. Somehow there are no clear lines to draw the limit and it’s kind of hard to explain.

Well, to shorten a lengthy drama, I got pissed and jealous of my long time girl friends ATB, MTB and MKW who befriended with my new guy friend. I have made it very clear clear to my guy friend that I do not like for him befriended with my 3 girl friends and sort of asked him to let them go indirectly and subtly. But he did anyway, sneaky and unfaithful.

Somehow, my request to ask my guy friend to leave my girl friends were not important enough to him and I discovered that they have been exchanging phone numbers and have been communicating via SMS everyday.

The day I found out that MKW has been so frequently SMS’ing my guy friend behind my back, I confronted all three of them that very same evening and asked them why they suddenly became so close to him? I was pretty much so disappointed, sad and pissed to the point that I told them to choose between my guy friend and me.

Well, 2 of them were shocked of my action, but MKW was so GLADLY to delete her Facebook account and just quickly ignored me. She didn’t even try to ask why I did such a drastic action towards her or three of them. As if she was guilty of being sneaky behind my back and accepted her punishment. As if I am not worthy of anything to her! As if the mistake I made is bigger than a murder and therefore she has to punish me to a lifetime of isolation.

As a human being I am bound to make mistake and hurt other people. I am bound to be emotional and frantic every once and a while when shits happen my way. But as a normal human also, I learned to accept the hard way my own wrong doing and mistakes. And let go of my own ego, thicken my face and swallow that bitter pills.

If my two other girl friends could tell my face that they demanded me to explain and didn’t accept my decision. Why can’t MKW do the same? We have been known each other much longer than the other two. But the weird thing though, I have met the other two in person but I have never met with MKW at all.

Even when she SMS me her picture, it’s always kind of blur and every time she’s in KL, there’s always something that block us from meeting. To some point I felt weird because I realized that she never really tried to meet me. She seemed really care about our friendship but never show strong interest to meet in person. Is there something wrong with me or her?

Normally when this kind of scenario happens I can only think of one thing though, she never really cared for me or our friendship. She is afraid of a commitment and preparing herself to let go of people when she feels like with no remorse. Just look at the way she dumped me. She spoke her peace so quickly so that she can leave me guiltless with no debt or regret. She didn’t answer my SMS or pick up my call.

It was kind of funny though that I was yelled at, cried and forced to speak the truth to the other two friends because they didn’t want to accept no as an answer and try so hard to stop me from leaving them. But by the end of the day, it wasn’t me who burned my bridges with my friends but MKW.

I was told by MTB that MKW felt so angry and disappointed with me. Seemed to me that she found a so called “valid reason” to delete me off her friend list! Seem to me more like her ego that was doing the decision and disguised under a cloak of anger and disappointment towards me.

And off course! She got away with murder when I am being punished for my sin. And to her maybe it’s OK to just discard friends like me that she thought complicate her life, disappoint her or break her heart. But over the course of 3 years we have known each other, we always talked and advised each other when we did wrong.

This time she just took the easy exit and fly away and “innocently” told me “please just pretend like we never known each other before this”. It was that easy and rather cold of her! She never even once tried to ask me why? I felt so worthless and disposable!

To have a friend, one just needed to ask for a name or an SMS will do. To be good friends one must know each other for a long time. But to be best friends forever, one must be with each other through the years of ups and downs of bad and happy times together.

Just remember sometimes even your own blood children would not care for you when you are old, sick, bossy and cranky. They would rather send you to the old folk homes. Adopted children on top of that, well need I say more? They have other relatives too and many restrictions, religiously and legally. Good luck to that!

Just remember that we are all make mistakes and must learn to accept and let go of our big ego head. This time I don’t think it’s all about me after all. It was a test for all of us actually!

Live and learned and it’s never too late to change!