Saturday, September 22, 2012

How To Catch a Fast Moving Train?

How to catch a fast moving train is just my sentiments on what is happening in my life right now. This is just a metaphor of how I felt so left behind by those who are much pioneer than me and have been baking and doing cake business way before me. I felt so little, so left out and so hard sometimes!

Lately, I literally have to refrain myself from looking at other people's websites or Facebooks because when I see their work on cakes and cupcakes I felt so inferior. A good friend once told me to avoid from comparing myself with some people that we know and already been doing this cake business for years way before me. She said that I should focus on creating my own cakes and recipes and developing my own designs and ideas slowly for my own niche market.

She kind of opened my mind a lot and make me feel better a bit. But being human such as I, so fragile, so insecure and slightly on the verge of nervous breakdown, I couldn't help but wonder; how long will it take me to be as good as I would like to be and be at the same level as those who I look up for? Never seems to be the answer for now.

Whenever I sigh and make an unhappy remark on my Facebook wall, friends often told me that life begins at 40 like it's a fun thing to say. Yes! I know that I just turn 40 this year and as cliche as it sounds, I have to start all over again at the age of 40. And the worse part is, I look the worse now than ever too. Money seems to be the most important factor to get everything in life and since economically I couldn't afford to pay for my membership at Fitness First anymore, so there goes my gym exercises and at the same time since I have to work my ass off to get so little income everyday, I simply don't have the time and too tired to even to make a run at the park.

Now the next question is, how can I catch up with my best friends youthful good looks? They get to go to the gym, eat good food and can afford to wear LaMer and SKII for their skins. Lately, I wouldn't want to even taking pictures with them anymore because I will look like a fat daddy and they look like a single good looking young men.

I think by the time I could afford to live my life like before (if and maybe implies), I would be beyond repair already. No LaMer or SKII or the gym could saves me.

I suppose I would never get to catch that fast moving train anymore. Seems like my world has changed and I have to make do with what I can for now and just let them go past by me. Yes! I do feel so sad with my predicament n I do felt so left behind everything that used to be around me. At times I feel like I just want to pack up my bags and go to some foreign country and start a new life away from my familiar everyday here. But this kind of thing only happens to Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray and Love. Hollywood makes all your dreams come true. But reality sucks the energy out of your souls and every single things that I encounter everyday and every time is a battle, life is a war.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Dwen, its me again.... reading your journal again :) Really enjoy reading them. Dun worry, with your determination and skills you will catch up on those moving trains real quick. For the time being, maybe you can practice some simple but workable regime to stay youthful by sleeping early, drink lots of water, eat lots of vegies and maybe breeze walking in the morning :) When you are happy you will automatically looks youthful and healthy. Loves your cake :)Gambateh!