Thursday, September 10, 2009

Global Warming Of My Life

There have been so many shits I went through all these years. And one thing that I realized lately is that some things will keep repeating it self. There’s nothing I can do about it because that’s just the way our lives spin in this world.

I have seen broken relationship happens faster than the NOKIA technology evolves. I thought seeing new NOKIA phones keep changing in the store window every fortnight is such a fast development of technology. But I have seen also broken relationship happens faster than that. It’s so sad!

This is not just about me but about others too. I have evolved from (1) being naïve loving person unconditionally like love is blind kind of love, (2) to loving with conditions for survival issues and finally to (3) stay if you love me, hit the road if you don’t.

1. What can I say? I was young, new to life and so naïve of all things. I just went with the flow and lived my life as normal as possible with so much love in my heart that I felt so warm and filled with content each and everyday of my life. Until the true colors came out. The controlling, lying and cheating chapter.

Then I started to let go of myself and learned a thing or two about what is best for me.

2. Then I got to another level of my ozone layer where I managed to compensate a not so good love with surviving a living issue. Vague career path that leads to a misty road of life was just too scary. But at least at that time I had someone who could hold my hand while I was walking in the dark finding my light of sureness. Finally, I arrived to my peaked of my career and opened my eyes to the suckiness of love that I have been endured all the years.

Then I started to brave myself to create my own happy path to life and venture on my own.

3. After living in and out of relationships, I have realized at some point I do need someone in my life. Especially my friends. But to some stage of friendship, friendship love and lover’s love are two different things and brought different feelings to my heart. I needed both loves although I know that lover’s love can damage myself to the core.

In fact, I had been damaged by it several times before. Still I go for more but now with a different frequency and conditions as an insurance for protection.

I have become somewhat complicated but independent. Everything centered in my heart first. Nothing can break the layer of thick armor covering it.

I have evolved myself to another way of life where I could accept when it’s there or just let it go and move on when it’s gone. No more holding on to the past and nothing matters anymore but me.

It is like the melting of the ice cap, the increase of the temperature and the changing of the environment; what I am going through now is just another global warming of my life.

It may break or make me!

1 comment:

  1. just be cool, don't think to much...