Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Bridges Burned!

Recently I felt like my life almost came to an end with my friends because of the decisions I made. At some point in my friendship with people, I made it clear that I do not like to mix my old friends with my new ones. Somehow there are no clear lines to draw the limit and it’s kind of hard to explain.

Well, to shorten a lengthy drama, I got pissed and jealous of my long time girl friends ATB, MTB and MKW who befriended with my new guy friend. I have made it very clear clear to my guy friend that I do not like for him befriended with my 3 girl friends and sort of asked him to let them go indirectly and subtly. But he did anyway, sneaky and unfaithful.

Somehow, my request to ask my guy friend to leave my girl friends were not important enough to him and I discovered that they have been exchanging phone numbers and have been communicating via SMS everyday.

The day I found out that MKW has been so frequently SMS’ing my guy friend behind my back, I confronted all three of them that very same evening and asked them why they suddenly became so close to him? I was pretty much so disappointed, sad and pissed to the point that I told them to choose between my guy friend and me.

Well, 2 of them were shocked of my action, but MKW was so GLADLY to delete her Facebook account and just quickly ignored me. She didn’t even try to ask why I did such a drastic action towards her or three of them. As if she was guilty of being sneaky behind my back and accepted her punishment. As if I am not worthy of anything to her! As if the mistake I made is bigger than a murder and therefore she has to punish me to a lifetime of isolation.

As a human being I am bound to make mistake and hurt other people. I am bound to be emotional and frantic every once and a while when shits happen my way. But as a normal human also, I learned to accept the hard way my own wrong doing and mistakes. And let go of my own ego, thicken my face and swallow that bitter pills.

If my two other girl friends could tell my face that they demanded me to explain and didn’t accept my decision. Why can’t MKW do the same? We have been known each other much longer than the other two. But the weird thing though, I have met the other two in person but I have never met with MKW at all.

Even when she SMS me her picture, it’s always kind of blur and every time she’s in KL, there’s always something that block us from meeting. To some point I felt weird because I realized that she never really tried to meet me. She seemed really care about our friendship but never show strong interest to meet in person. Is there something wrong with me or her?

Normally when this kind of scenario happens I can only think of one thing though, she never really cared for me or our friendship. She is afraid of a commitment and preparing herself to let go of people when she feels like with no remorse. Just look at the way she dumped me. She spoke her peace so quickly so that she can leave me guiltless with no debt or regret. She didn’t answer my SMS or pick up my call.

It was kind of funny though that I was yelled at, cried and forced to speak the truth to the other two friends because they didn’t want to accept no as an answer and try so hard to stop me from leaving them. But by the end of the day, it wasn’t me who burned my bridges with my friends but MKW.

I was told by MTB that MKW felt so angry and disappointed with me. Seemed to me that she found a so called “valid reason” to delete me off her friend list! Seem to me more like her ego that was doing the decision and disguised under a cloak of anger and disappointment towards me.

And off course! She got away with murder when I am being punished for my sin. And to her maybe it’s OK to just discard friends like me that she thought complicate her life, disappoint her or break her heart. But over the course of 3 years we have known each other, we always talked and advised each other when we did wrong.

This time she just took the easy exit and fly away and “innocently” told me “please just pretend like we never known each other before this”. It was that easy and rather cold of her! She never even once tried to ask me why? I felt so worthless and disposable!

To have a friend, one just needed to ask for a name or an SMS will do. To be good friends one must know each other for a long time. But to be best friends forever, one must be with each other through the years of ups and downs of bad and happy times together.

Just remember sometimes even your own blood children would not care for you when you are old, sick, bossy and cranky. They would rather send you to the old folk homes. Adopted children on top of that, well need I say more? They have other relatives too and many restrictions, religiously and legally. Good luck to that!

Just remember that we are all make mistakes and must learn to accept and let go of our big ego head. This time I don’t think it’s all about me after all. It was a test for all of us actually!

Live and learned and it’s never too late to change!


  1. Dear dwen (BTB).....

    just like u said everyone make mistake,
    but still everyone have the right to make a desicion.....
    n i know that u accept it n will 4give....

  2. Yup! I hold no grudge againts MKW anymore. Its water under a bridge. Already said and done!

    I told her already that I forgive her and halalkan segalanya.

    It was a goodbye!