Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Hate My Birthday!!!!!

There's definitely something is "slightly" wrong with me. Slightly? The thing is I hate my own birthday since this past 4 years. I used to throw my own birthday parties and invite my friends to enjoy for barbecue and good food. Lately all I want to do is just to avoid any contact with friends who have the tendency to "surprise" me with a birthday cake or something.

I guess I don't like the feeling of having owed someone a gift or a birthday "surprise" when it comes to their turn next time. On the other hand, I am not too sure if that is the reason of me feeling like shit.

I really felt like celebrating my birthday all alone and quiet this year. How can I stage my own disappearance when I don't have any solid plan to follow? Furthermore I might hurt somebody's feeling for "running' away from them when they probably already "cooking" up some plan for me.

Thinking about tomorrow already put me in a sluggish mood. I wish I am away somewhere far and by myself now and most of all away from my current real life PROBLEMS.

I want my 20's again. Not that I was younger but because I had no serious problems then. Problems as in work & business related and not health. I was healthy then and I am still healthy now except for a few minor glitches such as weaker right knee and bigger tummy. Ohhh and also wider face diameter and a lot lesser hair too.

I just want to be away, away from my own life and get a new identity and live as a different person in some European Countries or America for that matter. Maybe then I will learn to appreciate more of what I have now. Is there anything worth appreciating?

One thing for sure my problems right now already overwhelmed my happy things. Fuck it all!

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